An Old Love; Revisited

Saturday, March 31, 2007

I wasn't quite a teen, but I definitely wasn't a child when I fell in love for the first time. I can clearly remember seeing him on the TV for the first time. His rippling muscles, his attitude, the rakish tilt to his bandanna. All a girl on the verge could ever want. ~sigh~

But I had to hide my new found love from the world. I knew no one would understand. I knew I would be the brunt of a million jokes at home and at school. And so, I loved him in secret.

As the years past me by, I lost touch with him and his career. I grew up. Met a boy. Got married and had children of my own. I watched with jaded eye when I saw him on the television, smiling with a secret pride when my children gasped in awe watching him fight for justice.

Sadly I thought, he's changed - gotten older and less... mysterious.

I assumed I had finally grown up.

But today. Today I found the truth. I learnt that a girls' first love will survive anything. Today I watched him in the theatre. So large, at times his face took up the whole screen, and I felt that old familiar heat in my blood. Even my toes were tingling!

How wrong it felt, sitting there, passing Twizzlers to one child, holding a popcorn bucket for another, while my thoughts were centered on the being on screen. How wrong was it for me to be holding a toddler in my lap, my eyes closed, imagining a time and place where we could be together without societies prejudice.

How wrong was it that I left the cinema in a very, shall we say, excited state; caused from staring at my old beloveds beautiful green body face for an hour and a half.

How wrong is it, that I am still in love with him?

Still. So. Hot.


True Colors

Friday, March 30, 2007

I'm Glad It's Friday. Not for the normal reason of OMG lets go get drunk and play hide the penis! But because No One Reads Blogs on the weekend. Well I do. But most people actually have lives.

I could write about how I am still pissed off that the two youngest boys Exercised Stuperman's bed to death, and how I don't really want to spend the money on a new bed right now. But since no one is reading anyway, it's the perfect opportunity for me to show my true bitchy colors ;o)

First a quick Cast of Characters :

Dorothy- Sister In Law.
Matt- Dorothy's 11 or 12 year old son.
Papa- Jake, My Father In Law.
Nana- Irene, the mother in law.

Thursday. After School, Rainbow man runs inside just long enough to throw his back pack in my general direction. He is off to his Nana's house to play with his cousins.

The Husband and I, As well as Stuperman, go over around five thirty for dinner and gabfest. I noticed right away that Rainbow Man was sporting a brand new black eye. I was told the boys had been roughhousing.

Since they do this so often, I thought nothing of it.

Friday. I called Nana over to help me decide if Blue Boy needed stitches or a band aid, and she proceeds to tell me the real story behind Rainbow Mans' eye.

It seems Matt, who is four years older then RM, thought it would be OK to hold Rainbow Mans hands up above his head and kick him in the face.

Nope. You did read that right.

He kicked him in the fucking face. Four years older, a good fifty pounds heavier and prolly two feet taller. He immobilised and kicked my son. In.The.Face.

So now I am mad. Why wasn't I told this last night? Why wasn't I given the opportunity to say something to Matt and Dorothy about it? Don't dare tell me that it had already been dealt with. He is MY son. I will "deal" with it.

Nana goes on to tell me that things are very awkward at the House right now because just this morning (the older two had slept over) Matt had closed his hands around my sons' throat, picked him up by the Neck. The Goddamn Neck! Picked him up, off the ground, and THREW him down.

Have you any idea how small a child's neck is? how fragile? How easy it is to bruise their brains? Snap their vertebrae? Any idea how this makes me feel?

I am glad that Papa yelled at Matt. I'm Glad it made Matt cry. He could have killed my son. I don't care if he is family or not.

Matt is four years older. Four fucking years. Matt KNEW better. Don't fucking tell me boys will be fucking boys Dorothy. That's not normal behavior. And heaven help me, Had I been in that room when your son picked up mine, I swear to God, He would have regretted it. Family or not. That's MY Son he hurt. MINE.

And I will protect him in any manner I choose to.

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Well Then...


I feel a bit hungover tonight. The bloggy party was a roaring success. When I wasn't staring lovingly at my monitor today, caressing my beloved template and thinking hawt steamy thoughts, I busied myself with making the famed pioneer Woman Cinnamon buns. FYI: Make them. Then eat them. Then loosen your pants.

I had no plans for this post, and was a bit worried. I tried to visit blogs for ideas, but bloglines was down. So I'm doing the Meme Fab tagged me with instead. Unfortunately it has a lot to do with music. I just don't do music.

Of course you can jump on the bed!
I Think I will change out of my pajamas before noon today.
I think I'll wait to check my e-mail.
Wanna share my coffee?
* due to the fact I do not know song titles. These may or may not be real titles. I refuse to take the time to google and see if I have made them up*
All Shook Up!
Girls just wanna have naps!
Don't Worry, Drink Java
I would be drinking coffee in bed, watching Jaws while receiving oral pleasures from one of my many man slaves and plotting to take over the world
Clotted Milk Bubbles
Tattoo'd Nunnery
Kitty Kat Klaws Hurt In My Thigh
Oven Mitts OF Doom
The Buttered Biscuit
Fucking hell! Songs as again?
Anything By:
Brittney Spears
William Hung

I could go on for a long long time. Save for Metallica and Randy Travis, I really don't care for music.

I will tag people. I think normal people like music. Or at least all the cool kids do! I'm not cool.

I have to be up in five or so hours, So I gots to go!

luff you awl!

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Happy Birthday Bloggy!!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Ahhh, Now that the present I so thoughtfully picked out for my beloved blawg is here, the party can START!

But first Let me say a few words about my new template :

It Fucking Rawks!

See the coffee? See it? Huh HUH? Do you? Do You See The Coffee? It's mine and I am NOT sharing. I have water on tap for y'all. Now, a little about my new templates' designer, Rachel. {And Jan, Someone named Jan! Hi Jan, You rawk Too!}

She Fucking Rawks!

Even after the forty thousand bazillion e-mails I sent her day and night, telling her I was a retard and help me with this cus !!omg I broked it!1! She did it. With a Smile. No really. All of her e-mails ended with a smiley face. Now that's service! Want a template? Go to Weblog Designs.

But don't touch my coffee. That's a really easy way to lose fingers. Am I the only one who can almost smell the steam coming off it?

OK It's time to Party hard!!... in a minute.

I have seen a lot of Bloggers hit their blogaversary during the past year that I have spent sitting on my ass in front of this machine. A lot of bloggers started their blogs during times of personal crisis, The other half, it seems, Did it out of boredom or just for kicks.

Wanna know why I started Bluepaintred? Do ya? You do! Goodie!!

I started BPR because of this video:

I've made no bones about the fact that I love Sharks, That the movie Jaws is BY FAR my all time favorite. I haven't shied away for explaining that if I had a choice, I'd Rather die by Shark then in any other manner. Lets face it, Sharks turn me on. Big time.

When I saw this video, I was amazed, Finally, FINALLY, vindication. And so, BPR born to help me post this video. That's it. That's the only reason. My blawg is here because Bruce the Shark made me horny.

Deal with it.

And Now, On this auspicious day, we gather to celebrate... Even though my blog was born on St. Patrick's Day - shadddddup! I've been busy, and I wanted to celebrate the day by giving my bloggy its present! Like you've never been late for anything?

Screw you.

Lets have cake!


Iced Cappichino Anyone?

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

This is my third attempt at writing this post. I can't find the photo of Jittery Joe in the purple velvet, and he wont do a re-enactment for me. Rest assured that when I DO find it, I will pop it up in the photo blawg.

So. Don't read this if you are squeamish. I talk about periods. And placentas. Placenta placenta Placenta! If you got through that without wincing, please feel free to proceed.

It's February of '98. I am six weeks pregnant, though I would not find this out for another eight weeks. In preparation of our second Valentines together - back during a time when he still remembered it - I bought a dress. It was beautiful. Velvet. Purple. Strapless. I had my very first strapless bra to go with it and the tiny-est black thong I could find. It was going to be an awesome night of fine dining - on a budget, and hot hot sex for dessert.

Then my Ex- Boyfriend, Ty, called saying his mom was in a bind and would we be willing to come down and help them run the dog sled races during the Valentines weekend. How could we say no? The dress went to the back of the closet. I eventually did wear it. To coffee.

Saturday the fourteenth found us knee deep in snow, watching the races, with nothing to do. They had enough volunteers that we weren't really needed, but that's OK, we had fun anyway.

After the races, we went back to Ty's parents' farm and decided we would go tubing. For those of you with no snow, that's tying a tractor's inner tube to a ski-doo and going really fast and laughing and falling off, and generally having an awesome time. I do not recommend this as an appropriate activity for pregnant women. . .

I hadn't packed the proper clothing for this activity so Ty's mom lent me waist-high ski pants, mittens and a toque. I had a good winter coat already.

We were out for a good long time, and when we went in to warm up, I laughed at the snow that had been pushed up, without my knowing, into my shirt and bra. I didn't mind, I wasn't even cold!

That night my nipples were on fire. I went to the bathroom and peeked under my bra and they were red and swollen and OHMIGAWD!!ONFIRE!!PUTITOUT!!ITHURTS!

Uhm, just so you know, don't put cool cloths on frostbitten skin to kill the burning hot ouchyness. Yea, not a good idea.

So I took some Tylenol and hit the hay, hoping that whatever was wrong with my poor abused nipples would be done and gone by morning. I got my period that night. It was unusually heavy.

Unfortunately by morning my nipples were cracked and bleeding and blistered. Disgusting to say the least. I put some polysporin on them and tucked toilet paper in my bra and tried to get through the day.

By Monday I was dying. Or wishing. Same thing. Nothing can ever compare to what my nipples felt like. Every time I took a breath they would rub on my bra, opening blisters and skin and blood and guck and owie! They say you forget the pain of birth, and you do, but you do not forget this type of pain. Ever.

I finally went to a 24 hour clinic, basically, because I was pretty sure that my nipples were about to fall off, or explode. At that point I didn't care which, as long as the pain ended at the same time.

When the doctor explained to me that it was frost bite, I blanked, I couldn't figure out where This could possibly had happened, and I even argued with him. After about ten minutes I finally remembered the snow packed bra and slapped myself up-side the head.

So the Doctor peeled some of the dead skin off, not fun, gave me prescription creams and instructions to purchase breast pads. You know? The ones that stop leaky milk in Moo Mommies?

It took a long time before they were healed and a lot of embarrising doctor appointments. Even now, eight years later, when they get cold, they BURN. If you ever see me walking outside in the winter time and you cant see my hands in my sleeves, that's because they are tucked into my bra trying to keep my nipples warm.

Any ideas for next winter, girls? I've tried the little mitten inserts, but they get too hot too soon. I have what i call my winter bras, they are heavy thick Cotton. Can I get a bra in flannel? I wonder if lumberjack checks would turn Jittery Joe on...

Now for the hard part of the story. At the beginning I explained I was six or so weeks pregnant. We had no clue. None at all. I swear to God, If I knew, there is NO WAY I would have gotten on that inner tube. But I didn't know.

On March 25th, I went to the doctors for a pregnancy test. because Coffee Mom made Me I argued and argued when he told me I was already 14 weeks pregnant, I explained very patiently, that I had gotten a period, a nice heavy one, in February. I could not possibly be 14 weeks already.

But whatever! Cool! A baby!

Throughout my pregnancy with Rainbow Man there were weird shadows and echos during the ultrasounds. Lots of things that we didn't understand, nor to be truthful, really paid attention too. The baby was healthy at each appointment, growing, that's all I cared about. We planned our wedding, and by "we" I mean them, 'cus I watched a lot of TV and napped while they did all the work.

Finally the day came for RM to be born. I won't get into his whole birth story here, although, I would like to mention that I am a champion pusher and had that boy out before the doctor even got to the room. Three pushes. I rawk.

Anyway, at about four centimeters a nurse came and broke my water, then I had a nap. A new nurse came in a while later and broke my water again. I had no clue what was going on, I didn't pay attention to the birth videos in prenatal class except to make fun of the seventies bush the women all seemed to sport. And I was tired.

We didn't know anything was wrong until the nurses started to argue about who broke the bag of waters. Rainbow man was out and in his nice warm bassinet. Ten Fingers, Ten Toes. Jittery Joe was over on the other side of the room, doing the proud papa act, he even changed the first diaper.

When it was time for the placenta to come out, something else came with it. Something that the doctor later told me should have killed Rainbow Man in the womb. Rainbow Man had a twin. My doctor figures that because there was two separate sacs for them to live in, that's why RM didn't get ill.

And to be honest, really and truly honest, I had my healthy wee baby. I fell in love with him long before he was born. I didn't know about his sibling until it was already to late, and by then, well I had my baby, the only one I had known about and loved. The most perfect little man.

I've never been really sad about Rainbow Man's twin, whats the point? You can't miss what you don't know after all, but we do have a lot of questions about what, if anything, do we say to Rainbow Man about his birth.

Not really the post you expected, huh? I tried to make it humorous but I failed. I like whips, so flogging me is a viable option...Just sayin...

About the title. Seriously. I drink enough coffee. I swear my bobbies would make some sort of coffee product not milk. Maybe Coffee Crisp's? That would Rawk!


You Wanna See A Donkey Show?

They tried to keep it from me. BFF Kissy, The Husband, Everyone. But no one warned my Father In Law so he callously broke my heart and told me. There is snow in the forecast. If you don't see me around anymore, it's because I found a really high bridge to jump from.

I'm very sad.

I tried to write up the nipple story, but it isn't coming out properly. There are two very big parts to that story and not every one in our families know about the whole thing.

And I know it's funny that I was dumb enough to frostbite my nipples. I mean, come on! We have snow seven or eight months out of twelve. So I am trying to make it funny, but the other part, the sad and horrible part keeps creeping in.

Also. I can't find the picture of Jittery Joe in the evening dress, and it's an important part to the story.

Bear with me.


I told the toddlers that there were wee tiny sharks this big in the puddles in an effort to keep them out of them. It worked. Even on the big kids. Muahh!


Blue Boy has named his new bicycle Macaroni. If any of you could explain this to me, I would Really appreciate it!


All I have left to offer you are some stale Sunday Six videos. I took them on time. I downloaded them on time. But I forgot about them and wrote about poop and chocolate on Sunday instead.

Blue Boy



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Snotz Monsters

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Yesterday, I said to The Husband that my nose felt runny, but wasn't drippy enough to drip nor blow. I thought it was weird, but ignored it.

Later that night, my throat was killing me. It was like swallowing golf balls covered in jalapeno peppers every time I swallowed. Or swallowing a porcupine. Or a ball of sandpaper marinated in five alarm hot sauce. Basically it made me want to cry.

I was drinking Cough syrup right outta the bottle.

Today, My throat is much better, but there is an army of little snotz monsters attacking my lip. At bedtime, I told the boys no kissing, that I was a germ factory, and was sort of hurt that Rainbow Man looked so relieved.

He told me that there's boogers in your nose and you will kiss me gross and wet like Stuperman. Maybe tomorrow. Blue Boy offered to hold the cat to his face, like a furry germ shield, and I could kiss him through that. He giggled, I ended up with enough cat hair stuck to my lip to make me seriously consider shaving.

When I try to talk, I sound like a three pack a day frog. My lips are chapped and bleeding from breathing through my mouth. I've applied enough Vaseline to my nose to make me a shoo-in for a porno shoot.

The Husband, ever so concerned, asked me how my breathing was.


He clarified, Can you breath out of your nose at all?

I shook my head and blew my nose. Again.

He looked sadly at me and I was touched by his concern. Until he thrust out his pelvis and said I guess that means no blow job tonight, huh?

I agreed that was a safe assumption to make as I didn't want to be responsible for giving him a head cold.


I bought a Life on; It Won't Be Here Till Next Week

Did I ever tell you about the time I frostbit my nipples? The blisters and burning? The ointments and doctor appointments? The fact that they are hugely hypersensitive to cold now?


We managed to do our shopping this weekend without hitting any vehicles, However we did have this conversation while in the car, which in my opinion is worse. Keep in mind none of the children were with us.

Him: Oh! We have to stop in at Home Depot.

Me: Oh yea!

Him: I would have forgotten except we were just talking about poop!

Yea. Wtf? How does poop remind him of Home Depot again?

Anyway. My throat is super sore. I'm putting off going to the doc because it's my tonsils and I heard its a bitch of a surgery for an adult to go through. And of course. I'm a wimp.

We spent close to 150 bux on Easter this year. Every year we tell each other we wont go over board. We said it in the car on the way. We said it while walking down the isles filled with chocolaty goodness! We still went overboard.

During Christmas I don't mind going crazy for the kids, because I buy for that all year long, but we always forget that Easter exist's until a few days before.

I bought all the ingredients for this today.

Uhm. we had tacos for supper. and I got some V05 hot oil for my super dry hair. I think I'm going to have to give in and have a haircut. My last haircut was September of 05. I'm rather lazy.

Why the hell do 12 Venus razor blades cost 30 freaking bux? that s fucking robbery. Do they jack the price up in the summer cus they know I have to shave my legs now???

Has anyone noticed I have nothing to say?

Tomorrow (Sunday) My Aunts Niece, K, is coming to play with the boys. But we told the boys that, while we were shopping(without them), we bought them a sister and she was being delivered the next day. (Keep in mind I am writing this today which is Saturday, while you are reading this today which is Sunday, to you..confused? I am)

Blue Boy got very concerned when I put him to bed that he was going to get berry cold in the cars house (garage) for sleeping. I asked him why he was going to sleep in the garage and he explained that he was giving his new sister his bed.


My throat really hurts.
I'm drinking a cuppa fresh ground Mocha Java.
It's heavenly.
But hot.
I have no pants on.
but I do have socks with froggy pompoms on.
I have to pee.

ok i luff u buh bye


In A Word;

Friday, March 23, 2007


That's what today was. Perfect.

If you took away the headache I fought until after seven. The Shovel biting me as I chipped away at the never ending ice. Oh and could'ya take away the part where I throw that snowball at Stuperman and cut open his cheek, too please?

Other then that, Perfect.

  1. Oh My God Y'all, I got the bestest e-mail ever. Woot Woot!!

  2. I had time to read a bunch of great Blawgs, and go link jumping.

  3. I played, real quality play, with the children.

  4. I drank oodles of lovely coffee.

  5. Jittery Joe will only end up paying 175.00 for the accident, not the 750.00 we had feared. Can you get better news then that?

  6. I have a "guest" Sunday Sixer for tomorrow!
Yup. My life is Pretty Damn Good. You all better have a damn good weekend. That's an Order!


Pick a Title!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Today The Sun Came Out to Play;
I brought the rain.

Oh Shit!

Wait! I can explain!

It was beautiful today. I spent the early afternoon chipping away at the ice and snow on my deck and sidewalk. The children ran up and down splashing in puddles. We even had our snacks outside! It totally made up for the donuts this morning.

I don't like to compare my children to each other, but I often do it anyway. Today will be no different.

At two and a half, Rainbow Man had mastered a bicycle with training wheels and by the end of that summer he was riding a two wheeler. Blue boy will be five in a month and he can't bear the thought of losing his beloved trainers.

It was high time he learn to ride without them. And darn it, I was just the person to do something about it! ...heh..

So I found some turny-clicky thingies in a box and took off the screw? nut? bolt? for the training wheels AND remembered to tighten the wheels back up. Sweet! This man crap ain't so tough!

So I threw him on the bike and promised not to let go. I lied. He bled. Oh well. It's not like we don't have band aids.

I decided the problem wasn't that I let go, but that his seat was too low. I had to lift it... that wasn't too hard. Then I thought, I should raise the handle bars too!

It was really really really hard to get the handles off. REALLY hard. Wouldn't you know it, they aren't supposed to come off! There is some sort of lock-thingy gear-type do-dad in there to ensure that the handles don't fly off by accident.. and ..uh.. I might have, by accident, broken it.

Fine I did break it. But it's Not My Fault.

  • Its my Father-in-Laws' fault for not being home when I called to ask him how the clicky thing works. A responsible man would have been home, waiting for my call, ready to tell me to step away from the tools, that he would be right over to help.

  • It's my own Fathers' fault for having his cell phone turned off. What if it was a real emergency Dad??? What if my leg was broken and I couldn't get to my coffee cup? What then dad? Huh? HUH?

  • And my husband! Who does he think he is? Gone every freaking day to this "job" thing. He knows that the tools live in the garage. He knows what happens when I touch tools. It's his fault for leaving the clicky-things out in the first place!

  • It's not my fault that RoxDar didn't answer her phone when I called her to ask if handle bars can be raised! See I did my part, I took the time to wonder if I should do it. If she had just answered her phone, none of this would have happened. For Shame RoxDar. For Shame!

I think that you four have a lot of explaining to do to that poor, heart broken little boy. And next time, Please people, Think of the children!

Pee Ess: An alternate title to this post might be Denial.


Why Its Good to Have a Back Up Donut

It's morning. I'm not sure I "get" Mourning.. Heh.

So I'm up and the coffee in the, very slow to better make me insaN!e coffee pot, is half way done and I grab a donut. For breakfast. Shut up!

Oh good and sugary, shimmary covered in heaven, cake donut! Make love to my intestines! Tease my tongue and powder my fingers. Wait!! Little donut, you are wet,Slimy and gross!

WTF. How can a donut living in a protective plastic house - with walls and a roof and little plastic chairs for their wee donut bums- go from heaven in an oh to icky ucky goo over night? That's just rude!

I put the slimenut back, because babies will eat anything, and opened the box of glazed donuts.

What? You go to the store and adopt, for the purpose of cannibalizing, a box of cake donuts and see if you are strong enough to resist the captive goodness of the glazed.

Plus!!1! Twoferone1Sale!!


For Lack Of a Better Idea*

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Psychotic Rambling

the black moon has covered the face of the sky.
the lines of tide have broken.
earth has been reborn unto a world of perverse dementia.
we are alone unto another,
alone; within the crowd.
we shall all be
dead within a beating heart

there is no future for the lost children.
the line of tides has broken.
the cars pass by,
no worries.
faceless monsters plague us in our sleep.
we shall rise again
and play with the taken.

the sun is on fire
moon is no longer the romantic.
garish the life of the dead is,
and it is all we have now.
to it we must bow, repenting.
we have become.
the measureless room.

our confusion reigns.
our souls have disclosed the secrets
of life, of death
of a past when there was no future.
we are alone.
caught in the trap we have all woven with out hatred.
we are the dead
seeking life,

cannot the calm rage
sought in this land be freed?
the gloom hisses
beast, monster; Human.
we cannot
the portal has been opened
we don't digress the land and time.
we die.

soon, the end will be seen.
we take off the glasses.
no longer rose colored,
is it?
we cannot help
each other.
dark death brightly lit
by the candle on the alter.

if the path is lost,
we will be found
lighting our way
with the blood of the fallen.
we cannot proceed
as we are.
the wrong answer to the right question
was two.
No Longer Alone.
Copyright @ 2007 by Bluepaintred

*This is just a copy and paste from my other blawg. Sry, but
Im zonkered. G'night.

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Tonight we watched a program on TV called Risk Takers. They were documenting the U.S Border Patrol guys. Who have really cool guns. And one was seriously hot. 'Till he took off his hat. Put it back on!! I screamed. Oh yes I did!

The boys came up with twenty minutes left in the show. Just as the Border Patrol were apprehending some Illegal aliens.

Rainbow Man was very concerned as he heard the documentary-talkie man saying over and over that they were tracking the aliens, that oh there they are!! shine the light!! That the aliens were hiding in the bush.

Blue Boy had his hands covering his eyes. He was peeking. I saw him.

The camera pans out to show two people hiding in a bush and Rainbow Man says Why do they call them aliens? They are just humans like us!

So I told him; No, those are definitely aliens.

Well then why do they look like humans?

'Cus they are sneaky like that.

By now the Border patrol have lined up nine illegal aliens and the smuggler. Their faces have been blurred.

Why are their faces so weird?

I told you, they are aliens.

What from, like, space?

Where else do aliens come from?

So these are aliens? They found real aliens?

For the last time. Yes! Aliens. They change their body and pretend to be humans. You won't ever know who is a real human or who is an alien 'cus they are sneaky.

Well how -

There is only one way to tell an alien from a real human... Aliens have tattoos...

But you and daddy have tattoos and -

And that's when I jumped him.

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Because I Like Inappropriate Things, A Meme

I would like to point out that this morning, in search of a puzzle for Stuperman, I found, in his closet, his Easter Bunny, unopened, from last Easter. I let the boys eat it.

The following is a Sexual Meme. This should not be read by my Dad, or JJ's sister. Annnnd. Maybe Mother Marnee. Well ....MM can read it as long as she doesn't get all weird about it. I mean really. You have a new mattress.....

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2007? Well, lets see, It has been 2007 for almost three months. I'm married to a man who has a healthy sexual appetite. DUH.

2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE? What do you consider public? I have done it in the front seat of a car, as well as the back seat int eh industrial area of the city. It was at night so there were no witnesses, but for the huge bump I got on my head. DO NOT have sex in the back seat of a small car. Ever.

3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Yes. Because the machinations of sex are funny. Sometimes its so funny we have to stop and wait for our laughter to subside and then continue.

4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Uhm. I don't think so. But maybe. I know I have begged and pleaded.

5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX? In the winter yes, but just for the warmth. In the summer, HELL NO!


7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM? Not that I recall.

8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP? Either or. It really depends on the mood I am in.

9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX? Yup. Lots of it. I'm gonna get me some unsafe sex tonight. I hope. Does it count when it was with the same guy?

10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIEND'S SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Uh? you on crack? that's just wrong!


12. EVER HAVE A THREESOME? Yes once. One time our cat crawled in between us and laid down on my chest.

13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX? Yes. I don;t think you can watch porn and not have sex!

14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX? Not that I know of. I often wish JJ had a twin during though.


Just so you know I decided to do this meme JUST so I could answer this question.

In the first weeks of me and JJ dating, he wanted a Blow Job. Being kind of innocent Stupid, but wanting to reciprocate I took aside one of my friends and asked her how to get the job done, and done well. She told me all about the tongue movements, teeth - but not too much, and all sorts of other goodies. She did not mention the end product of a Blow Job is cum. It didn't occur to me either.

I spit it right back on him and told him that that particular event will NEVER again happen in my mouth. And it hasn't.

17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY? Gimme a sec, I will ask JJ. Eighteenish

18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW? JJ. Right now. Deal or no Deal gets me all hot and bothered and I am counting the minutes till bed time.

19. DO YOU THINK THAT NUMBER 18 IS POSSIBLE? Well I will either have him or Big Red tonight. I'd prefer him.

20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW? Uhm, have you been paying attention?

21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS? take off the "s"

22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR? In the front seat, yes. In the back seat, no.



25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER? Don't think so


27. LINGERIE. Good five years ago, good next year. now? not so good.

28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER? No. I do not work. Working is horrible. Getting dressed in the morning? AsFuckingIf!

(x)parent's bed
(x)your bed
()picnic table
(x)kitchen counter
(x)dining room/kitchen table
(x)woods (open and/or in a tent)
()hood of a car
(x)the other person's bed
(x)in a house with parents home
(x)at a party
()on top of the washer/dryer
()with other people in the room

()grandparent's house
()bookstore stock room.
(x) Linen closet

So who's brave enough?


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I Should Be Doing My Dishes

Sunday, March 18, 2007

I didn't have time to go through many blogs today and this saddens me greatly. Quick! tell me what I missed. No really. I would go through my bloglines and open a bunch of tabs to read, then walk away confused as to what I was supposed to do and the computer would magically shut down. I might have clicked mesmerizing X's. Or not.

I swear I went to a billion sites and have forgotten everything I read.

I want a do over.

So last night we watched a movie...Honey what was that movie called?... OK, how do you spell that? ...Well look on the box. 'Cus I am lazy too! And anyway you're closer!

FINE! Be that way!

We watched a funny movie with that guy. It was about race cars and had a cougar. Props top whoever knows what it is called AND can spell it.

Anyway, I was kissin' my Blue Boy tonight at bed time and I pounced him and picked him up for a big squeeze hug and rolled so he was on top of me then I layed there like I was dead.

I had to tell him I was dead for him to notice...

So he laces his fingers together and starts pushing on my stomach A La CPR, saying "Breathe! Just Breathe, Dammit!! We're looosin' her! Mek-kik! We needs a mek-kik"

Kids say the darnedest things.

Like tonight when Stuperman told his daddy "BoooooYaaaah! You mah momma's bish!"

That's one smart Baby


Intermission Has Been Canceled

Ok here we go. the real post:

Breast Cancer Supporters.....

Our first Challenge is to help Pam name her team. I was in strong support of "we are crazy"and"[maniacal laughter] sixty k? your insane" but Pam and her team didn't appreciate them.

And now, A few words from our sponsor LOL

I am doing a crazy "death walk" (as bluepainted described it)....a long, tiring 60 km walk in Calgary, AB to raise money to end breast cancer. Here is my personal page.

If you have know any woman who has suffered from breast cancer or you are a survivor yourself, visit my website and make a small donation.....every dollar counts and it's going to a great save our boobies!

send it to your girlfriends, your mom, your sister or your aunt.....spread the message about this deadly killer and let's find a cure not a band aid.

Pam - the sister-in-law

I would like to go on record as an idiot.
My post today was to be in support of My Sis in laws 60k walk to raise $ for cancer.
I deleted the email with the particulars she sent me.
'Cus I suck.
There was going to be a "name this team" poll and everything.
Pam. If you are reading this
SEND ME THE INFO ASAP and I will replace this with the post.

In the mean time. I had also planned on linkin' you all to Holy Mama for her Club Seventeen. Where we learn its OK to touch ourselves. That's right. On the seventeenth of every month we feel up our boobies in the name of science.

Go, touch yourself, then leave a comment at HM's place telling her you did it!


Pee Ess:

When I get off my lazy ass, I will also upload the Sunday Six video that I actually got off my ass and made this week.

Shocked? I am!

Check it!


Brain Fart

Saturday, March 17, 2007

for the life of me, I cannot figure this out. And if you laugh I will hunt you down, lock you in a room, and let my seven year old sing to you for hours and hours and hours.

I swear I will.

Starting January 11th, and ending March 11th, is that two months or three months?

See, I keep thinking January, February, March = three months. But then I think wait... January 11th till February 11th is one month, February 11th till March 11th is two months.

So which is it? Two or Three.

I have been very grouchy today.

(ask anyone)


Because all I want to do I sit in a steaming bath and read my new book from Shelli, Five Minutes' Peace, I am going to give you a few Boy-isms to help pass the time. Originally, when I set up the notepad file to record the boy-isms, I was going to fill it with a weeks worth of funny shit.

But the bath is calling me! (come,... sink into my warmth, Let me get you all hot and wet. Oh yes, play in the bubbles. Splash it! Yessss! Just.Like.That! Ohhh, slippery isn't it? Now, take that cloth and scruuuub!....)

It's really hard to say no to an offer like that!

So deal with it!



Put one hand on your tummy and one on your back. Then bend down. And if they throw food at us or rocks, that means they don't like us, but they will throw flowers 'cus they are our parents and have to like it - Rainbow man to Blue Boy, while practicing for their "play"

You need a learn this little dance. First you spin on your bum and then go on to your knees and then quickly go on the floor and go like this (waves feet in air) and then really fast, you go like this (spins in a circle on his tummy, feet still in the air) - Rainbow Man teaching Blue Boy how to dance for their show

Blue Boy : You been kissin' daddy too much!
me: why?
Blue Boy: 'Cus your lips is bleedin'
(my lips are just dry lol)

One last thing. If you want to know why watching paint dry is a fun and exciting experience, click here and Blue Boy will be happy to explain it!


Advise Me Oh Mighty Internet!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

meh. a mommy post.

My children are picky eaters. No, strike that, My two oldest boys are picky eaters.

Stuperman will eat anything. For example. Paint. Two days ago. Still having blue poop. It's actually a really nice shade.

How do other people deal with vegetable** hate?

Vegetables are nice. They sit patiently in the refrigerator and serenely let you carry them to a chopping block where they give their wee lives happily, just to make you healthy.

What's not to love about sacrifices like that? (And yes, should you sacrifice your self on a blue and red alter for me, I will immortalize you in my side bar. Right under "DumbAss")

If a vegetable is cooked, they hate it. They loathe it. They are sure steamed carrots are just a diabolical plan to overtake their minds and turn them into zombies. Or Amy. Don't ask me to explain that last one. It has something to do with Sonic.

In their esteemed opinions, cooked peas are only good for flicking at your brother. Or shoving up a nostril. However, come summer, they clear my garden of even the smallest pea pod. They even eat the shells.

Even french fries. Some fucktard* once told them while in the midst of a very trying episode of Eat your potatoes or so help me God, child, you will not turn five! that french fries are potatoes and you like those, so eat up or else.

Now neither of them like french fries. Yay.

While I am not some sort of kamikaze vegetable Nazi; I don't really care if they are cooked or raw, so long as they are eaten. It's just that... every so often I would just like to see some potatoes or corn go into them. Once a year even. Once decade?

How do I convince the Boys to love veggies?

Is there a vegetable version of love potion number nine?

Would it be OK to show them this?

* Me

**Also. I spelt vegetable wrong every single time I tried. Thank you spell check ;o)



Remember the good old days, like last week, when it was only minus two? Well Mother Nature can suck my dick.

Whats that? Long range forecast? Lets see.... Oh look. I found a quote from Mother Nature herself.

It says "Wasn't that fun? After six months and 12 days, I let you see the sun. Didn't it feel lovely caressing your skin? Didn't it make you yearn for the beach? Popsicle stained kids? Suntanning? It was amazing wasn't it? Now fuck off, I'm busy! Enjoy winter Bitches!!"


Come, Dream with me.



You Should Know

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I think it is time to point out a few of my flaws. Shall we start with how I am accident prone?

We should?

I'm SO glad you agree!

Lets start with one of my earliest memories of pain. I was quite young. Eight? Ten? Younger? Either way, I had been on some sort of trip, be it school or other, the details are fuzzy, and you will soon learn why!

I had bought a small, green, glow in the dark dinosaur for my brother while I was out. I forgot about it until late in the evening and when I remembered I ran down stairs to get it for him. Unfortunately I tripped on a hanger, and fell ass over teakettle down the stairs. To the cement floor. Hitting my head on the telepost at the bottom.

I got hurted bad. I have pictures of my face somewhere...

I have compiled a list covering the last year (from last April) I am leaving lots of things out.
  • I once shot a staple, with an air powered thingy, straight through the middle of the bone in my middle finger. I am no longer allowed to play with power tools.

  • I have cut myself on :

  • Cooked spaghetti,
  • Raw chicken. (Boneless), a raw pork chop (yesterday)
  • Styrofoam.
  • Each of the children,
  • Pencils, pens, paper,
  • Forks, spoons, cups,(glass and plastic, unbroken)
  • Plastic milk jugs,
  • Shoes,
  • The car,
  • Snow, sand,
  • Monkey bars, three different slides
  • Taps, sprinklers,
  • Grass,
  • Plug ins.
  • An oatmeal cookie(today),
  • Bar soap, shampoo bottle
  • A gnome,
  • Two different coffee pots,
  • Toothpicks. (and not with the pointy end either)
  • My swifter,
  • A towel, (dry)
  • The sewing machine, (but not the needle.)
  • Tinfoil and saran wrap.
  • Wrapping paper and the Christmas tree,
  • A lighter,
  • The bathroom scale,
  • The mattress on my bed and Blue boy's bed
  • Fake plant leaves,
  • Window blinds.
I could go on and on and on, basically, our rule of thumb is, if it is not sharp I will cut myself. (One of the rules that defines an injury as a cut, is there must be blood showing to count as a cut.) I am a pro at cleaning shattered glass without incident and I play with knives and other sharp things all the time and never get cut. However, give me a cotton ball and I'll be bleeding withing minutes.

I suck. I really do. What is the weirdest thing you have cut yourself on?



Going completely off topic, there are a few things I want to say...(type?)

I loaded twenty photos to the photo blog. The Boys on Rats and Rats on Cats photos are up, as well as a bunch of very lazy kitteh photos.

Sheila asked how my exercising for comments is going, and It is going quite well. I think I have lost nine or ten lbs, go back to the comments from last post and do the math 'cus I am too lazy to do it myself. We bought a new version of DDR and it rocks.

I did this : for someone, but I did not get it done fast enough due to a thread snafu. Since it will be late for her birthday, I will show her it now. The post office told me it will take 13 days.
Sorry :o(
**EDIT** holy shit. I just noticed I fucked up the above cross stitch, it should have said " If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.
fuckety fuckety fuck. And its already in the mail. Shit!

Now begone and write for me lots of interesting posts so that I may forget about the laundry and the cheerio sticky floor that needs to be dealt with. I'd rather play online then clean house ANYday!


I kan doo eet!

Monday, March 12, 2007

So I just got back from coffee with the Keeper of My Sanity. Minus two at eleven at night. Sweet ass weather! I am so loving it. Ba da ba da bahhhh I'm lovin' it!

Anyway as fun as coffee was, and it was fun, trust me. Ya'll should have come. Some thing bigger happened. Something monumental. Something really cool.

Yea that's right. I got gas for the car all byyyyy my SELF! (insert happy dance)

Lets back up a moment. I got my licence in 1997. Ten years ago, and when I got it, I lived in a very small town. So it was quite simple to toss my keys to my buds working the counter and have them drive the car up to the Very Flammable Do Not Hit EVER gas pumps for me and fill the tank.

Then, Right out of high school I moved to the City for University. I got my Dad or Uncle or whoever fell for it, to fill the tank for me. Sometimes I even paid for my own gas! Two months later I met the Hubster and he took over Gas Duty.

I'm very good at planning this type of thing out you know.

Unfortunately tonight the car was on empty and a bright yellow Get Me Gas Now Lady light was flashing. My plan was to drive to the city and get BFF kissy to fill my tank, but JJ ruined that with his snide little comment as I left the house; "Watch your gauge, you might have to stop somewhere and fill up!"

Le Sigh.

So I pulled up to the gas station, checked the dash for the Little Arrow thing-a-ma-bob to see what side the gas tank was on, Got out and checked to make sure the car wasn't lying, and lined up for my pump. (heh, pump. Thats a fun word to say) I had to wait a while, but I didn't mind. I was kind of scared. I don't like trying new things.

Remembering JJ's last minute instructions for the Worst Case Scenario, which of course is me having to get the gas, I turned off the engine. Success! I got out of the car and told the dude to fill it up. Then he asked if I wanted "regular" What the fuck ever... I explained to him I had never gotten gas and he should use his judgement on that.

It was going so well. I parked on the right side. I turned off the car. Now all I had to do was walk in and wait to pay, right?

Nope. The wee Gas Boy asked if I wanted my oil checked. I said no of course, I had a full container of Vegetable oil at home in the fridge, I should know, I just bought it on Saturday. But I did ask him to check my Windshield Washer Fluidy Thingy. And that's the technical term for it, just so you know.

So he asked me, ME, how to open the Front Part of the Car thingy, I gestured to the front of the car and and told him that there was a Clicky Part Thingy there. I have seen JJ and his dad and my dad and even kissy do. .. something...that sounded clicky to the front numerous times. I mean come on, he works there, he should know how to do it, right?

So then he asked me if I had to pop something inside the car. What.The.Fuck?? So I just opened the car door and told him to have at it.

He looked at me like I was dumb - or two, felt around the drivers seat and the Front Part of the Car thingy lifted. But he DID have to do some sort of clicky thing to a the front of the car too, cus I heard it!! (vindication!!)

But after that it was all smooth sailing. I only entered the wrong pin once for my debit, I also hit cancel once by mistake, but on the third try I got it right, and it was done.

Oh, and the Windshield Washer Fluid Thingy was already full.


Weekend Reveiw

Ok first things first, Yahoo mail just informed me that I have won 800,000 dollars from an automated Australian lotto drawing. How cool is that? All they need are the numbers on my birth certificate and on my drivers licence! As soon as I can figure out where I put my birth certificate I'm in The Money! /sarcasm

I have been really busy this weekend. I missed Sunday Six again. Shitty that.
I got a package from Monkee in the mail, a beautiful necklace. Woot!

We saw Ghost Rider on Friday night, the storyline was excellent, as well the CGI, but the actors sucked ass. My cat would have been more convincing as the leading lady.

On Saturday we went shopping at Costco and when we tried to back out of our stall, mind you the windows were open and the radio was off, we backed right into some old lady in the lane. She said she honked. She didn't. No damage on our car, but a sizable dent to her car. How it got that big I have no idea, I doubt we were going ten K/Hr. The impact of the "crash" wasn't enough to spill a full cup of java.

What? You don't bring a carafe of coffee from home when you shop? Weird..

I have just been informed that because there was no damage to our car we pay HER deductable which may be as low as fifty bucks. Fingers crossed people!

I didn't post last night because I ran out of some thread for a project I am doing. So I went out Sunday and bought the missing thread, and have been working overtime since to get it done. This project should have been done last week and in the mail. As it is I have at least another night, maybe two of it to finish it. So I'm guessing it will not get to the Birthday Girls house for the 25Th. Shitty that too.

Snake feeding was a blast this weekend. We got two wee rats, just weaned and they were the most docile sweet things ever. They acted like kittens, pushing into you when you scratched their backs. We let the kids play with them for about an hour before it was time to feed the snakes. I wanted to keep them and name them Bob and Bob, then Jittery Joe reminded me this is why it isn't a good idea to play with food.

I have fifty eight photos to load up into the photo blawg. That's gonna take a while. But Worth the wait I think. One set of pictures shows just how fierce a hunter our Tigger Cat is. She has mad instincts man. OK, I lie, she slept on peacefully while the rats crawled all over her. Sigh.

The weather man promised me plus ten today so I am getting my flip flops out and shoveling the last of the ice from my sidewalk. I'm so excited! Spring is finally here :o)



Sunday, March 11, 2007

A post huh?

OK then.

  • We went shopping this morning.

  • We rear ended a car.

  • We fed the snakes.

  • 'Cus oh yea, did I forget to mention that the lady who wanted to buy them didn;t bother to show up? Or call?

  • Uhm. I called in on Fab's radio show.

  • My phone bill will be ginormous now.

  • I did Not say aboot. I said AbOUt.

  • I thought I bought all the thread I needed for something only to realise I forgot one.

  • Of course it's the one I needed the most.

And uhm, thats it.

How was your Saturday?



Friday, March 09, 2007

The kids are gone.

I'm ditching the computer.

The boys are calling this our kiss-a-lot date.

I like kissing.

A lot.



I dont really know how to say this

Thursday, March 08, 2007

If I try to tell you this story properly it will take you six hours to read it. So I will give you the basics. Bullet form . Muah

  • In Kindergarten, I was ordered to have Rainbow man tested for ADD or he would not be allowed to come back to school.
  • He was "tested" as in my family doctor agreed that it was a bunch of bull and signed a paper saying I brought him in so RM could return to school.
  • In grade one, during a parent teacher conference, His teacher strongly suggested I have him tested for ADD.
  • I refused
  • In grade one, at a different school(we moved) after only three months of classes, I was brought in and again told to have the poor kid tested.
  • I refused

  • RM has a very loud voice. If he whispers you can hear it two streets away. He is not yelling, it is just his voice
  • RM is always very active.
  • Morning till night.
  • Since birth
  • However, RM has no problems lasting out an eight hour car trip with no breaks. He can play his game boy for hours at a time. He can watch three, three hour movies in a row.
  • RM worries about everything and anything, from money to bird eggs.*
  • RM's grade 2 teacher called for a conference with me, her and a trained child physcologist (who will be known from here on as the CP, because that's hard to spell) to discuss RM's inability to focus during school
  • I immediately thought , oh yay, time for the annual Drug your Child meeting.
  • I was not looking forward to it.
  • I complained.
  • loudly.
  • To a lot of people
  • Which resulted in a lot of people being concerned for RM
Today, 2:30
  • Went to the school for my appointment with Mrs. B and the CP.
  • Went upset
  • Went ready to chain myself to the pharmacy doors to save my child from their drug pushing
  • I am glad I let them talk first
  • the CP said RM is far from ADD/ADHD.
  • RM is overly intelligent.
  • But still can't focus
  • RM is very sensitive ( we knew that already)
  • RM is too sensitive (we did not know that)
  • RM worries. (we knew)
  • RM's worry has gotten past being worried and entered the realms of anxiety.
  • He worries so much he has decided that his imagination is a better place to live.
  • RM needs to be taught, how to work his way, verbally and internally through his worries, and how to deal with his anxiety.

  • I don't know how to do this.

*Case in point: Today I left the meeting at 3:07 pm, RMs class gets out at 3:05. A 2 minute difference. By the time I turned the corner that leads to his class, he had gone to the car, saw I wasn't in it, and come running back to the school in a total hyperventilating panic. He had convinced himself I had been kidnapped, but I am an adult so it must be lots of big guys with guns because that's the only way to kidnap an adult and he was racing to the principals office to call the police to save me. In tears. So panicked that when I grabbed him to stop him in the hall, he would have run right past me, he did not know me for a second.

all in those two short minutes.

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How My Husband Broke My Heart

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I love coffee. Have I mentioned that before? Because I do. It's more important to me then chocolate. Or the bathtub. I just - I just love it so much[read that in the welches grape juice girls' voice].

In my opinion, coffee cures all. Having problems with a co-worker? Brew up some fresh Mocha Java, sit down and talk about it. Tired of winter? Pour yourself a steaming cup of vanilla hazelnut coffee. Cup it lovingly. Feel its beautiful warmth seep through your fingers. Bathe your face in the liquid heaven, also known as steam, that rises from it. Had a fight with your husband? Have him set the coffee timer.

My favorite chocolate's are the coffee flavored ones. Dipped in coffee, they melt on your tongue in sugary coffee goodness. Perfect for when you are sad or happy, on the go, or lounging in the bath. I love coffee.

Coffee is Good. Coffee Is Wonderful.

So when my husband came up to me with a closed fist at a store and said "I have a surprise for you." I was really pleased. I love surprises. I love it even more when I get a surprise that I haven't had to hint about.

And I love that he saw it and thought, Ohh I bet she would like that, and just picked it up for me. True Love.

So he opened his fist and a tiny box of mints fell out.
And I thought OMG way cool! Coffee Mints!! And in the morning when I am waiting for the coffee to finish I can have one, and mmm coffee goodness and when I am shopping and need coffee, instant fix! Oh this is great, life is good. We should buy this by the case because its like OMG-coffee-anywhere-anytime, no mess no fuss. YAY COFFEE!

I waited patiently till we left the store and then ripped off the protective plastic coating like a pitt bull to an unsupervised child's face. Then I paused. Because what if they were yucky? I know, the idea of yucky coffee is far fetched, but what if?

I hate yucky things. Like cooked cauliflower. Or Onions.

So I offered JitteryJoe a mint first. I'm all about sharing after all. And I waited, staring at him intently, as we walked though the underground parking lot. "Is it good?" I finally asked him.

Well yea. It's a mint... Why wouldn't it be good?

Well you know.. mint.. and coffee. It might not be...

And then he looked at me, pityingly, like I was a small child who had just caught my privates in a zipper, and broke my poor little heart; It's a coffee mint, as in you eat it to get rid of coffee breath.



Are You Sick Of Pictures Yet?

Sunday, March 04, 2007

A few months back, I found a blog. At first I liked the blog because of the photos, Ree takes beautiful Photos. Then as I read more and more of her posts I became a silent Ree fan. I lurk because she has so many commenter's that whats the point, eh?

So, when I finished Blue Boys cross stitch, I got out the patterns for Stuperman And Rainbow man. ThenI decided I could not do them because Stuperman was eight months old in the pattern, and RM was 5 years old. They had changed a LOT in the past two years. (Blue boy hasn't really changed)

I took a few pics and then emailed Ree from Confessions of a Pioneer Woman and asked her if she would work her photoshop magic on the boys' pictures. Boy is she good! I highly recommend stopping in at Confessions of a Pioneer Woman, if only for this post!*

Here are the before and after pictures. Way.Too Cool.

So, Ree, If you are reading this;

It should also be noted that Rainbow Man has a video up on his blog. He asked me to tape him while he talks about his hair and earings...uhm yea. Don't look at me that way, I'm just his mom!

* On the advice of my lawyer (who is really just a monkee dressed up in a suit, and charges WAY too much) I offer this disclaimer to the above link : WARNING: this link is not for the faint of heart. much sugar and ymmy goodness waits beyond your click. Not safe for bloggers with diabetes or diets. Please, click at your own risk!

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I cheated on my diet today :o). I don't feel bad about it at ALL. Around noon, we decided to take the brats and play 18 holes of fishy *A SHARK MOMMY!!* mini golf. Stuperman was very adamant that the large goldfish in the water hazards surrounding the holes were sharks. It was greatly amusing to us and the people around.

By the way, the baby got a hole in one. He kicked our asses. Well not technically. See two holes he refused to play 'cus OMG SHARKS MOMMY!! and he had to stand and watch them swim, so JJ gave him a seven on both holes. (seven is the hole limit on this course) So really, I won with a score of 50 (par 38). But if we had given Stuperman his average score (3) for the two holes he would have scored a 48.

Pretty sad. We got our asses whupped by a two year old. It was his FIRST freaking time playing. Ever. He must take after his Grandma Marnee.

Anyway. To heal from our humiliation of being beaten by someone who cannot even put his own coat on, we decided to go for ice cream. Oh My God. Heavenly Hash. The first bit of sugar I have consumed since Monday. It was..well, heaven. Best.Orgasm.Ever.

Took the baby to the bathroom after his ice cream was done, he was very sticky. After I washed him up, He said he had to go, so I took him in a stall and he did his business and offered to flush for me.

HA! That was fucking hilarious. I've never seen him move so fast in my life! The toilet in question was one of those really loud whooshing ones. LOUD and WOOSHING. Super Loud. In a small tiled stall. That echos. A lot.

AHHHHH!!! That scary mommy! Potty Scary! We gotsta run!

If I only had it on video...

Oh , and did I mention that:


What!!1!! I've Been Busy!

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Take one photo:Add a lot of thread:


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I Feel So Dirty

Thursday, March 01, 2007

I held out for as long as possible. I didn't cave when Mr. Fabulous joined. I laughed and pointed fingers whenever I read someone new had OMG I JOINED MYSPACE. Pfft. MySpace. What am I 12?

I guess so. I just joined myself.

Wait! No Stop your laughing! I swear I didn't join to .. I dunno-what the hell do you do on MySpace anyway? Whatever. I was surfin' the interwebs and one linky jump led to another and then there was this girl talking about joining to spy on her kid (Something I would so totally do!!) and I clicked onto her profile.

And there it was.

Like the shining Grail of MySpacey-ness, the pulsating Search button took my breath away. My finger was itching and twitching on the mouse and before I knew what was happening the button was clicked and there before me lay an empty field just waiting for me to type in. I had to see. Is anyone I know on MySpace?

Dude, yes!

So I tried to leave a comment. Hi how are ya? Been ten years. Do you even remember me?

ERROR-you must be logged in to use this feature.

So I tried to send them an E-Mail.

ERROR-you must be logged in to use this feature.

So I tried to Leave them an Instant Message

ERROR - WTF Lady Didn't I tell you to fucking log in? Do it Bitch. Now!

So I did.

They sure want a lot of personal information, Don't they? I wasn't going to fill in all the blanks, but then, like a slow working poison, I thought Wait! What if someone searches for me? How will they find me?

And so I did it. I gave them My Real Name. My age. My cup size and the length of my big toe. I chose female verses male and told them the date I lost my virginity(October 31). I gave my opinions on politics (you all suck) and religion (no comment) I told them about my goldfish Freddy and how he died. *sob* They even wanted to know; Boxers or Briefs? There was no option for OMG-naked-under-my-clothes.

Hold Me.

But on a more positive note. I was just stretching and happened to look down; Do my boobs ever look perky and round :o) This pleases me.

*Don't forget to click this link. You can read more about what it is in the post before this one!

Also. Here is my MySpace link. Click it if you want. I haven't added anything. I doubt I will. And FlipFlop, I dunno how to add people.