Snotz Monsters

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Yesterday, I said to The Husband that my nose felt runny, but wasn't drippy enough to drip nor blow. I thought it was weird, but ignored it.

Later that night, my throat was killing me. It was like swallowing golf balls covered in jalapeno peppers every time I swallowed. Or swallowing a porcupine. Or a ball of sandpaper marinated in five alarm hot sauce. Basically it made me want to cry.

I was drinking Cough syrup right outta the bottle.

Today, My throat is much better, but there is an army of little snotz monsters attacking my lip. At bedtime, I told the boys no kissing, that I was a germ factory, and was sort of hurt that Rainbow Man looked so relieved.

He told me that there's boogers in your nose and you will kiss me gross and wet like Stuperman. Maybe tomorrow. Blue Boy offered to hold the cat to his face, like a furry germ shield, and I could kiss him through that. He giggled, I ended up with enough cat hair stuck to my lip to make me seriously consider shaving.

When I try to talk, I sound like a three pack a day frog. My lips are chapped and bleeding from breathing through my mouth. I've applied enough Vaseline to my nose to make me a shoo-in for a porno shoot.

The Husband, ever so concerned, asked me how my breathing was.

Huh?

He clarified, Can you breath out of your nose at all?

I shook my head and blew my nose. Again.

He looked sadly at me and I was touched by his concern. Until he thrust out his pelvis and said I guess that means no blow job tonight, huh?

I agreed that was a safe assumption to make as I didn't want to be responsible for giving him a head cold.

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37 Comments:

Blogger Jerri Ann said...

Men don't get it do they? A blow job in perfect health is not that great of a thing, a blowjob when you can't breath through your nose is suicide...geez!

Sorry about the snot!

10:33 PM, March 25, 2007  
Blogger Sheila said...

Geez, that 'head cold' line nearly made me spit my diet coke out on the keyboard!

10:37 PM, March 25, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Jerri Ann I think he was joking. maybe. I still ahve hands...wait a minute! So does he!

Sheila ohh Jerri Ann just stole your customary First Commenter Place!

Is diet coke as hard to clean up as say, ravioli?

10:48 PM, March 25, 2007  
Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

LOL LOL LOL

That is SO TYPICAL of MEN, isn't that?

12:03 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

I rarely drink cough syrup, but when I do drink cough syrup, I drink it right out of the bottle too.

Just for fun. I don't need to be sick or nut'in.

12:11 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger DeeJay said...

lol

6:39 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

CK yup. [cowboy accent]Them That Guys Shore Do Like Them Blow Jobs

CK oh your so bad!

DeeJay*snikcer*

7:07 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Finn said...

Head cold. Tee hee.

Personally, I cannot survive a cold without nasal spray. If momma can't breathe through her nose, nobody gonna be happy...

7:56 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Nobody™ said...

I'm sorry you aren't feeling better. I guess that means I have to keep waiting for that nipple story.

8:10 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Finn i like to does a cold with lots of coffee, sweaters and lankies. and the occasional cough syrup chug.

Nobody Im sorry you came all this way, expecting nipples and I didnt deliver. Im a bad bad little girl

8:22 AM, March 26, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gargle your mouth with alcohol....rye, whiskey, brandy....it kills the germs and feels soothing on the throat...way better than any cough syrup. trust me, i just had strep, sinus infection and a nasty cough....gargled one night about 10 times and it worked!!!
sista-in-law

9:37 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Catch said...

ahh Blue, take care of yourself and stay away from JJ! That cant do your throat any good! LOL

10:01 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

omg, I woulda punched him in the face!! LOL

10:16 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Sista What do I do if there is no alchohol in the house?

Catch I will

WebMiz It was all in fun! Simmer Down!!LOL

11:11 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Diesel said...

But on the plus side, you can't taste very well when your nose is plugged up....

11:17 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Diesel OMG why didnt I think of that! that's perfect!

11:20 AM, March 26, 2007  
Anonymous squirrel said...

LMAO! But I do feel sorry for you too! LOL

11:54 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Squirrel Oh good! I was going for pity! Yay. also Im eating the easter candy. make me stop please!

11:58 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Katherine said...

Ah yes, leave it to the husband to put things in perspective so succintly. Hope you feel better soon, sounds like allergies. Tell hubs you're allergic to blow jobs.

11:58 AM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Sheila said...

Diet Coke isn't any easier to clean up than ravioli... but, I'm much more upset when I waste Diet Coke. ;) And, you musta posted earlier last night than normal... thats why I missed out on being first!

12:14 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Kathrine but i like them. It would suck to be allergic to them. I just hate the end product LOL

Sheila yea i did post early. in fact me and the husband went to bed at 10:30, we normally go to bed at 12.

12:25 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Monkee said...

Hey, I'm kinda sick today too. We're snot buddies! =)

12:56 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Monkee Whooo Hooo! can you pass the kleenex?

12:58 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger onetallmomma said...

Oh, Feel better soon.

1:52 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

One Tall Momma NO! Sheesh! why are you always telling me what to do ? have a nice day! Have fun! Get better Live long and prosper! Jest quit LOL LOL

1:55 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

I hope you are feeling better soon...I've come to the conclusion that most men are jealous of dogs, because they can lick their own balls.

5:53 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

He is SO my hero. And so are you.

Please move next door to us.

5:55 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Fantastagirl Some days I wish I was a cat. . . Spend all day sleeping and licking various body parts. It would be great!

Mr Fab heh you made him giggle. hes game to move next door but only because you have no winter. and bunnies. and a hot tub

6:40 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Tug said...

Take allavert, it's awesome. You can still 'pretend' to be sick...

What's a head job?

JUST JOKING - it hasn't been THAT long. or I have an amazing memory, one of the two.

6:45 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Shelli said...

Bwahahahaha!!

I hope you feel better. Hugs from a very long distance so that I don't get sick.

7:20 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Shelli Wanna hug through the cat?

7:50 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Tug He you. JJ said I forgot you. And I did. Im sorry.

a head job is when you tell two two year olds that there are wee bloodthirsty sharks this big in teh puddles in an effor to keep them out of the water.

8:11 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Pee Ess: they stayed outa the water

8:11 PM, March 26, 2007  
Blogger Coffee Mom said...

rotfl..."a head cold"

9:30 AM, March 27, 2007  
Blogger Amy said...

ROTFLMAO Headcold!!!!!!

7:15 PM, March 27, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Coffee Mom and Amy what do you suppose happens when "it" sneezes?

8:44 PM, March 27, 2007  
Blogger Coffee Mom said...

well Blue my theory about when "it" sneezes, is 9 months of shear hell for whomever "it" sneezes in.

1:52 PM, March 28, 2007  

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