A man somewhere used a crossword to ask his girlfriend to marry him. He had to plan this in advance, arrange with the paper and all that junk, so it obviously took some time and thought to pull this off.
When my husband and I decided to get married it went down like this :
"Well. Should we?"
"Eh. Might as well"
Then he went back to watching his cartoons and I continued to chat on ICQ.
Labels: I'm a Dumbass
Oh yea I almost forgot. If you are board and want to kill some time, go register for the PayPerPost forums and vote for me in the Ask.com contest. I'm number nine : ASK.com
Top five posts get a free Dell Printer. I like free stuff.
Warning. What lays ahead is most assuredly a mommy post, but a mother's pride will NOT be denied!
School is out at three oh five. On a normal day that means the kids are home by twenty after, so you can understand that I was a bit nervous when the clock rolled around to three forty and the kids were no where in sight.
Naturally I went in search for them.
I had worried for nothing - they were almost home.
Still. I was quite upset, there is no reason for it to take that long... is there?
*Kindergarten students are not allowed to leave the classroom until their designated person picks them up.*
Why did it take you so long to get home?
"If you are the last-ed kid waiting for your person, teacher will give you a candy and I gots to save half of it so Rainbow Man will walk really slow to get me and we can have candy for both of us"
Heh. Thems' my boys :o)
Pee ess: I'm still sick. Send sympathy. Or candy.
"Hello blog? Yea, It's me. What the fuck do you mean me who?! It's me, Blue! You been messing round on me with some other blogger or something?...OK, listen, just grab a pen and write this down:"
Dear people who come to this blog for some reason unknown to me, Bluepaintred has a cold and is pretty sure she is at deaths door. She won't stop whining. She can't come into blog tonight becuase she is a big baby. Laugh at her. A lot.
"Blog? You still there? Did you get all that? OK, then read it back to me. . . WTF! That's not what I said! Tell them ..."
"Blog! Blog!?! Are you there? Mother fucker! I canNOT believe you hung up on me! Screw this shit, I'm goin' to bed!"
Boys and girls - Jimmy! Do your pants back up and pay attention. - Now, Boys and girls, today we are going to talk about our body and being healthy.
Yes Sara?... No. We are not going to discuss penile/vaginal relations today... Well thats certainly interesting, but no matter what sally's sister told you, a goldfish never belongs there!
Can we please get back on topic now class?
Jimmy! If you take it out one more time you will have to leave the room.
Our body works in amazing ways to keep us healthy. You see class, Inside your body there is an amazing protection mechanism called the immune system. It is designed to defend you against millions of bacteria, microbes, viruses, toxins and parasites that would love to invade your body.
Now class, my question you is this : Is it possible to get someone else's cold just by reading their blog?
If so. PFfffftttt. You suck. I hope you all catch this!
- Just talked to my StepMommy and for Thanksgiving I will be bringing two pumpkin pies, two cherry pies and an apple cake. There will be so many people there that no one will notice if I sneak in a blogger friend or two. Who's game?
- Also. My wonderful amazing StepMommy has seventeen boxes of books for me. SEVENTEEN. It's all I can do to think about that number and not cum. Seventeen. mmm...
- Just before my StepMommy called I talked with my brother who put doubts about my puppy into my head. this scares me and it is up to you guys to calm me down. I've already fallen in love with my unborn puppy! Halp!
- How do American Kids play "Doctor"? I mean. What if they don't have insurance?
- I am really tempted to ask for a refund (again) on my Where Was I template. I cannot contact my designer, although her intermediate has been super sweet, and I am tired of waiting. Very tired. And then I found out there are people who have been waiting even longer than I have (three months on the eighth) and that worries me even more.
- If I get a refund I'm gonna send it to Sheila and ask her to redo Where Was I. She redid Paint!. It rawks.
- Today I did the most whorish post EVER on Paint!. I wrote about Tequila. WTF? I don't drink beer much less tequila. I am officially now more of a whore than Fab. YAY!
- Today I wrote a three part post over at paint. At eight this morning an intruder of the eight legged kind attacked my ceiling fan. If you are interested, here is part one, two and three.
- Don't worry. There was a happy ending!
I was un-able to access my blogs last night. Kept saying my password was wrong. I figured whatever - a glitch. Or Maybe! Maybe the designer was finally installing the template I ordered in July.
Nope. And to be honest? It's starting to piss me off. A lot. I wanted Where Was I looking it's best when She made her debut and quite frankly, she looks craptastic right now, but I had to open her up! Hell, I had wanted to open her up three freaking weeks ago.
So back to the password issue. Blogger is a known bitch and I just shrugged it off and went to bed. This morning I was unable to access my buddy Trisha's site, it's passworded, and I got mad. What if there were more pictures of our internet angel, Ashlyn??
So I fired off a nasty note to blogger.
Heh. Karma people. Don't diss the Power of Karma.
About three seconds after I pushed the send button I remembered one tiny detail.
I had to take capslock off to write the email.
Blogger passwords are case sensitive.
- My "b" key is sticking. This is unfortunate. I am used to the "y" key sticking. I miss "b"
- Sheila wrote about an intense time in her life. She broke it into four parts, 1, 2, 3, 4. I wanna take this opportunity to tell her I will be nominating part one (and if they let me, 2, 3, and 4,) for a Perfect Post award.
- Baby Ashlyn and her momma went to a party this weekend. Happy Birthday Little J! - Not linking this one. You have to be a member to read it anyway!
- My husband is running around killing flies with an electric fly zapper thing. Its annoyingly hilarious. I hope he zaps himself.
- I'm Having my very first contest over at my newest blog, Where Was I. Go enter it! Ignore how it looks right now. I'm hoping to eventually get the template I ordered in July installed. Someday. Maybe.
- I put new pictures up at the photo blog. Again, mostly the cat.
- Every time I think of the puppy I shiver and have an internal SQUEEE. Sometimes the internal becomes an external.
- I finished the last of the pillows for the bedroom, bought material for the binding, go the backing ready, as well as half of the border. Project Polka Dot is almost done!
- My " " key is a fucking asshole. See. BBBBBBBb bbb bb fucker. Work dammit!
- I really want to be in the bath right now.
See. Told you bullets are better for your health than Me on a Saturday night. Y'all just considered suicide to get out of reading that last bit didn't you. Don't lie.
I'm gonna go get wet n nekked now.
With the a second week of Kindergarten done, totaling five whole days, Blue Boy had this to say about it:
- Belts are very hard when you have to pee really fast. I used teachers tape instead.
- In kindergarten we don't get homework daddy. We just do fun things like recess and snack time.
- If you bring a snake to school the girls will scream and teacher makes you sit in your chair a looong time.
- I sit beside the boy with the shark shirt and the other boy with the blue shirt and HE ATE HIS GLUE
HaHA Fuckers! Guess who's right AGAIN!
Do you think it hurts to get bit in the man parts by a dolphin?
That wasn't a dolphin, it was a penguin
Do you think it hurts to get bit in the man parts by a penguin? Do you know from experience? Can I see the scar-
Was there lots of blood in the water? Did it attract sharks?
I don't know from experience.
So. No sharks?
Yet another Friday night at home. Just the two of us.
I will address the comments from yesterdays post individually tomorrow at some point. I had my last dentist appointment, until January, this afternoon so I was AFK.
Once again, there is a movie on I have no idea about. It's called Death Proof, and my husband was pretty die hard to see it. So. We are seeing it. Looking at him, he seems to be enjoying it, but I can't seem to figure out whats going on. So I am pretending to watch it. Oh look some dude got shot.
Labels: I'm Important Too
Today I went through what has been the most terrifying minutes of my life. I wrote a bit about it here.
You see. We live on a quiet street that ends in a seniors complex where thirty or so retired, with nothing to do but sit outside on lawn chairs, couples live. One of those couples happen to be my in laws.
Every single person in that complex - with two - one on each end of the complex- being actually related by blood to my children, watches out for them, and knows my boys by name.
Thats sixty people.
Right beside my house is another set of relatives, six in all.
In other words, my quiet little street has been very safe for my children. So much so that I gave them - including the baby (3) free reign to go wherever they want ON OUR STREET this summer.
My husband was home from work this afternoon. I had sent Blue Boy and Stuperman out to play. The little girl I baby sit was sleeping. I checked on the boys. They were in the back yard. I fooled around online for about ten minutes and then checked on the kids again.
Safe street or not, I'm paranoid like that. Their bikes were gone, so I came in to grab a smoke and go find them. I wasn't worried.
I had told them NOT to go to Nana's house as I thought my father in law would be napping.
They were not at the in-laws. They were not by the forest.
They were gone. Just. Gone.
The next fifteen- twenty minutes are really a blur. I remember calling for them and crying. I remember thinking they have to be somewhere. That they know not to leave the street. They have NEVER in the past taken so much as one step off it.
We found them. And they were unhurt. I don't know how, but they managed to get across three busy, BUSY roads and were almost to the edge of town.
While I am very thankful they are fine, I still think that they needed to be disciplined. And that dear interwebs is where I encounter a problem. My idea (which my husband backed up 150% by saying it at the same time as me) was to remove their bikes from their possession until spring.
Really, it's not that bad. Daytime highs are 12 lately, so they only have a few more weeks of rideable weather.
I should also mention that even if every one of you side with my mother in law I will be sticking with our no bikes till spring punishment.
You see, my mother in law thinks we are horrible parents for doing this. She thinks they have learned their lesson. That they won't do it again. She is basically likening us to child abusers for punishing them.
Has she ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED??>!! They are going to be lucky to be allowed to play in the back yard unsupervised in the next nine years!
We did not spank them, we did not yell at them. I cried while trying to explain to Blue Boy what he had done wrong. I have NEVER, in my life felt that level of terror. It was as if each step I took, each empty direction i looked in, my heart was being ripped into another piece. These are my BABIES.
How can I explain to my mother in law that we could have lost them? FOREVER lost.
I'm stuck playing the roll of the bad guy.
Labels: I'm Important Too
I asked my husband for a divorce.
He refused on the grounds that even if I was single, there is no way I would be able to convince Stewie Griffin to marry me.
I'm not sure if he doesn't approve becuase Stewie is a baby, or if it's becuase he is a cartoon.
This morning started off the same way it ended yesterday.
"Pleaseeee Mommy. You said when I can ride my bike with just two wheels I couuldddddd"
"You did tell him that"
"Whose side are you on anyway??"
As you can see, both my five year old son and my husband ganged up on me.
Absolutely NOT, I said. Over my dead body. I swear to God I will swallow this key if you don't stop asking!
But apparently, even though I gave birth to him, becuase I do not have a pair of balls, hairy or other wise, I get no say in whether he kills himself.
Fine. I thought. But I'm not doing band-aids this time. He can do them. And I went and hid in my sewing room.
Five minutes later I heard screaming.
They wanted the camera.
I wanted to write a post on the book I am reading right now.
It's a fiction by Michael Palmer called The Society. It's about a serial killer who is stalking head honcho's at various HMO companies and blah blah blah.
I wanted to know if the stuff Mr.Palmer writes about HMO's and the Hoops - that are seemingly moving and on fire - that people must jump through just to get the medical care they are paying out their asses every month for, is true.
It's OK. I had to re-read that sentence again to understand it too.
But I am too tired to write up that post, becuase I just spent the last three hours jumping through little html hoops of my own.
*sorry Avi, I'm also too tired to come up with a good title.
Labels: I'm Important Too
A while Back I picked up an iPod Shuffle for the husband, who promptly decided he would rather have one that plays video. We saw a commercial for it on TV and they called it the iPod Nano. So I put in a super high bid for one becuase I'm not all about the bidding wars.
My bid is high enough that you would have to be certifiable to outbid me.
Tonight I found out that the nice folks at eBay are calling the video iPod (surprise!) the iPod Video generation 5.5.
Here. Everyone else is doing it and I would hate to be left out. This is the town I live in. I don't know why there is a green arrow pointing to the high school. I Live under the big yellow dot. It gets annoying, always wondering if it will fall, constant shade and what not, but it makes it easy for people to find the place. "Just drive toward the big yellow dot, you can't miss it!"
Aha! Here we go.
We don't live in a big house like most of the houses shown during this meme. In fact, we don't live in a house at all. We own one the left half of a six year old duplex. It doesn't have fancy pools or non-naked Avitables', but I love it anyway.
Our house is in the yellow square. Did y'all think I exaggerated how close we lived to the in-laws? They live in that big blue square. It's not electrified, they can come and go as they please.
There. Now you know where I live AND that I am a retard! Aren't you glad you stopped by today?
It started over a Caterpillar.
The line was drawn and there was no turning back.
My troops moved into Iceland, Scandinavia and Great Britain. We sent small detachments to Eastern Australia, Japan and China. The guys were excited. They had never been to so many exotic places.
Our Base Camp was stationed in South America. Nice weather. We lost a few of the younger guys to Malaria early on and Billy choked on a tree frog, but my troops were tough. They forged on. With the Borders of Brazil and Venezuela heavily fortified, We attacked Central America.
The Battle was won quickly; their forces were small, and high on Cocaine.
Leaving a large garrison of men in Brazil, Our generals decided, unanimously, to attack the Eastern United states. We suffered heavy casualties, but in the end, justice prevailed.
Rejuvenated by their victory, Our troops moved in on The western half of the United States.
From across the world we heard news that the opposing forces now held Australia, Europe and Africa. It was daunting news, but the troops held strong. Except Johnny. He's always been high strung.
The enemy attacked us at dawn and our losses were great. Upon learning that Our European troops had been defeated, we retreated to South America.
One Hundred and seven men stood strong. The last line of defense against tyranny.
The Bastard controlled the rest of the world with an plastic fist.
"But..It looked cuter that way.."
Logic has no place in a board game.
Blue boy came from school pretty excited. His first words were "Teacher isn't ready to teach me to read yet."
Two weeks ago, His Kindergarten teacher had a Home Visit and one of the first things Blue Boy asked Mrs W. was "When do I get to learn how to read". She just smiled at him and said "We are going to learn all about bugs!"
So what's the deal here? I understand there are 15 or somesuch kids in his class and she has to follow her curriculum, but can't she just print cat on a paper for him and say "This is cat" ?
This afternoon (First day of school was only 9am-11am)(lol.)( Time 9-11, Date 9-11) he sat at the table and had me write different words on paper for him to read. He can read and recognize about twenty words. Simple words, like "the" , "stop", "that", "sit".
When Rainbow Man started school, Blue Boy was three. He learned all of RM's sight words before RM did, and then taught himself more. He could not speak yet, so we would spread the flash cards out on the floor. Where is "this" we would say and Blue Boy would point without hesitation to the right word. Rainbow Man's kindergarten teacher told us that BB needed to be put in a special school, but I resisted.
He is just a normal little boy. He just wants to read!
On the way home he asked me what days he will go to school. I told him Tuesday's and Thursday's (and every second Friday) but that he doesn't go to school on Monday and Wednesday.
"I wonder why they decided to call it Whensday 'cus now no one knows when it is!"
I promise to quit making this into an All Blue Boy All The Time Blog.
Labels: I'm Important Too
Today, September 11th. 9AM, That same child I dreaded bringing into the world, skipped off to his first day of kindergarten. Turns out I did bring him into a world full of evil, nasty people, but also a world where the good still DO outnumber the bad.
Today, within a space of twenty minutes two really exciting things happened.
They may only be exciting to my family, but still, they had the power to make me jump up and down screaming. Loudly and for a long time. Long enough to wake up Stuperman and convince him to jump with mommy. We were then loud enough to bring Blue Boy in from outside and we made him jump as well. And scream. We all screamed. Not for ice cream. If you scream for ice cream you go to bed, If you ask politely you will get sprinkles.
We finally, after searching for almost a year, found a puppy. Well technically, we found a mommy dog and a daddy dog to make our puppy. (heh. doggy style) We eventually had to go out of Province to find our pair, but we did it.
(SQUEEEEEeee! here please!!1!)
I'm not sure when the Bitch is going into heat next, but four(?) months after that, *hopefully* our little girl will be born!
Srsly good news people. Be fucking excited dammit!
Pee ess: I did a Pay Per Post. Deal with it. Not only was I paid well, I get entered in a contest to win that phone. The way my luck is holding, I am a shoo-in!
Pee Ess Ess: Rainbow Man had the word Uranus in his Spelling Test List. Who thinks I acted in a mature manner befitting a mother with this?
Blue Boy: So... when I get hot I can just put my pants in my locker?
Rainbow Man : I don't think you have lockers in Kindergarten. I think you have shelves. But there might be a hook for your coat.
Blue Boy : I wonder if teacher makes us fowld our pants?
Blue Boy starts Kindergarten in two "sleeps". I foresee a lot of funniness in the near future.
I seem to be having trouble getting sufficient volunteers.
- I got a book in the mail the other day. I am half way done it. My naps keep getting in the way. So far I have been pleasantly surprised. I did not think it possible to take a bunch of old blog posts and some new stuff and make it into a readable book. In this case I am happy to be proven wrong. The book flows amazingly well! Go Buy Diesel's book. It's cheap and funny! (pee ess: Diesel didn't pay me for this, but if he is reading this I will accept penis photos in lieu of payment)
- In the Bath today, Blue Boy learned an important lesson about having a "lets both fart and see how many bubbles we can make" contest with his three year old brother. In turn, Stuperman learned if he tries to fart long enough, something will come out.
- I tried to read last night's post and could not understand 90% of it. Sorry about that! I'm all out of those pills, so we are good to go. - Also - we bought more chocolate pudding.
- I put in a bid for and iPod Nano. Do all the Nano's have video capability? Along the same lines, Is it illegal to sell children to get an iPhone, and if not, Anyone need a kid?
- I got two smile awards but I forget from who. Please, both of you, step up to the plate! I'll even bend so you can spank me for being naughty!
- Speaking of being naughty. I want this SO bad. No really. I need it. *EDIT* ohmigawd! they take PayPal AND ship to Canada. I'm a happy, happy girl!
Labels: I'm Important Too
First the super awesome good news that makes me more happy then a happy little elf with a toad stool. And is a toad stool a mushroom? Cus really? This is something I have wondered for a while? And what about a Truffle? Is it just a mushroom with a fancy name? I mean would you order hundred dollar fungus? Even if it was covered in chocolate? Srsly! Truffles. Bah!
My dentist told me that my next visit is Just.For.Cavities! Thats right! After Logan's appointment with his pediatrician, I had two wisdom teeth and a - one of the wisdom teeth had wrapped its wee legs around my jaw bone becuase it loved me like no other and screamed as they cut him out of my life. And yes, I do think My teeth might be male. And gay for that matter. After all, the only tooth paste they like is pink with sparkles.
Hmm. Lost track for a minute. It seems like I haven't been online - Thank God for drugs people srsly - in like forever. I'm back by the way. Fuck I keep getting sidetracked. It might be the drugs because I seriously love them and am planning on having their baby becuase pushing a wee tiny pill out has to be easier then a big fat hairy head. Not that my kids had hair, but they did have fat heads so I know what I am talking about and hey! I had three teeth extracted (Pain! Agony! Oh Me Oh My) on Thursday BUT NOW I AM DONE!
All my molars (All but one. I get to keep him. He will help me chew. He feels a bit lonely, but chocolate pudding makes him feel better. In fact. Mayyyybe my teeth aren't gay males, but chocolate loving females. I should have studied their anatomy closer as they came out.) So yes. My next appointment in two weeks is for the filling of cavities and then I am done (I think? Maybe?) till after Christmas when they will (hopefully) knock me on the head with a big piece of driftwood. Maybe one of those neat-o ones you see at trade shows that have cool carvings of moose in them, before they yank the last nine teeth and put the dentures in.
See? Told you I had good news!
And the bad news? I ate all of the chocolate pudding.
Labels: I'm Important Too
Stuperman - Logan, my three year old son has been acting a bit odd for the past few weeks.
Six weeks ago he started getting fevers, three or four a week, they were accompanied with a headache.
A children's Tylenol had him back to normal in a matter of hours. No worries, just a summer bug. (Ha! I made a funny. Oh wait. Keep reading then come back and giggle with me!)
Then he started drinking. And drinking more. Unfortunately he can't open beer bottles on his own so I was always up and down and up and down getting him glass upon glass upon glass of water.
You have no idea how much water I am talking about. The kid was always thirsty.
Being inherently lazy, this annoyed me rather than concerned me. Then I complained to my Granny who told me I had to take Logan in for a blood test. Diabetes runs rampant in our family.
Logan scored a four on the finger poke - which is good. And something called hemoglobin(sp?) was 128 - which is perfect. So. No diabetes. (yay!)
Still the doctor wanted to know why he has been getting fevers and headaches, and of course all those glasses of water, so Logan had blood drawn -
Now. I will preface this with a He Will Be Fine. He is a healthy three year old with no auto immunity disorders. (Whatever those are, the doctor said those words and they sound all high tech and smart so I wanted to use them too! I suppose now I've ruined the looking SMRT part, eh?)
Logan has West Nile Virus.
How can I tell it is September without looking at the calendar? The little fuckers are everywhere! Every time a door opens, sixteen more fly in from the out doors. You know that place where they belong!
In other news. I think Stuperman is sick. Not a cold or flue sick either. But sick sick. I'm calling his doctor tomorrow and they better get him in damn soon becuase I want some blood tests done. Fab, he might just be your child, after all.
Tonight I was supposed to be out on the town with the Husband type dude. The In-laws promised to take the kids so we could catch a movie. I explained (multiple times) that I wasn't going to drive into the city twice and that we had some things to pick up before the stores closed - so they had to take the kids in the early afternoon.
One O'clock comes and goes. Finally they call, but !surprise! they want a nap first.
I guess the concept of stores closing early on a Sunday during a Holiday Weekend is unknown to them.
We said fuck it, dressed the boys and did our shopping. Then ignored the phone. Or would have ignored it, had it rung.
I know I am not explaining this well, but that's OK. As long as you get the general idea that I am pissed the fuck off, It's been explained well enough.
We rented Zodiac instead. It exceeded expectations.
Trish had a baby girl VIA C-section. And *giggle* today is labor day! *snort* Both mom and baby are fine! Go send congratulations their way!
Labels: I'm Important Too
You have seen this before
Your wee dainty paws
kept me up all night long. Jerk
Claws clicking on floors
Bathe me in a tub?
Soapy bubbles in my fur!!
This is my revenge
clinging tightly to your bum
said it was bath time!
I will scratch you up!
I will hiss and cry sadly!
Leave my bum alone!!
Please, just sleep at night
That's all I am asking you
Im so sleepy, cat.
My job then, is done.
I will run and play all night
'Cus I Am The Boss
z zzzzz zz zzzzzzz
zzzzzzzz zzzz zzzz zzz zzzzz
zzzz zzz zzzz zzz
But is is still just as fitting.