Calling all geeks

Friday, November 30, 2007

And by geeks I mean anyone smarter than I am who also has the patience to teach the unteachable.

Google, who owns Blogger, has pissed me off for the last time. Apparently, from what I have heard, If you do not have a Blogger blog, you may now not leave me comments with links to your blog.

And, in case anyone is wondering, THAT FUCKING SUCKS.

I want Bluepaintred OFF Blogger.

I own, through NameCheap, the domain It is up for renewal 27 January, 2008.

1. How do I move BPR and keep my old posts and hopefully my awesome comments.

2. How much will it cost, per month or per year.
- the cost factor is very important. My paypal account sits at zero and will until after December as all of that money is going to Christmas Presents and Bills.

3. I won't get to keep my beautiful template will I?

4. I need a place for BPR to move to that allows, If I should ever decide int he future for me to do Paid posts, and or Ads.
- some of you may have noticed that if PayPerPost has an oppertunity high enough, I will do it here. That is my choice, hate it if you will.

5. I need someone to either show me how to make the switch or do it for me. I will also need that same person to allow me to blast their ears off with "But now how do I do this? And this? And This?"

And last of all?

Can someone tell me it's all going to be OK?

PEE ESS: my e-mail is if you cannot comment, please send me an email if you have any answers to any questions!

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Making them Make their lists

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Me: . . . And this year, Nana Really wants a real Christmas present from you boys, so spend some time thinking about what you want to get her.

Rainbow Man : I already know. I'm going to take all of my money to the dollar store-

Me: No, not a dollar store present, a real present.

Blue Boy: (excited) I know! We can get her some Apple Cheerios for breakfast! That's a great present!

Rainbow Man: No, I think that might be more of a birthday type present and not a Christmas one. . .

Sigh. kinda reminds me of the time I bought my dad socks for Christmas. In my size.

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Am I A Bad Person

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

funny pictures

Because this makes me laugh?


Oh Hia!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Dear Winter,

I am writing this letter to request cancellation of my membership in your club, effective immediately. I expect that after receiving this cancellation letter you will refund the unused portion of my Summer to me immediately. I am enclosing my membership card for your disposal.

Thank you,


Date : 27, November, 2007

Due to extreme cold, this blog has been canceled* in favor of a hot bath.

How cold is it?

Click here.

*Just for tonight cus I was out in this**.

And yes I do know I should stop the car, get out and take the picture, but 1. I am Teh Lazy and 2. It's fucking cold!

** not my picture. I uploaded mine and it is too blurry to see anything so I picked one from Google that looked as close as possible to what I was driving in all evening. I already had the part up there written and it seemed easier to write a not my picture disclaimer than to re word the sentence. In retrospect? I could have been in the tub five sentences ago!


Book Learnin'

Monday, November 26, 2007

Once or twice a month, school kids bring home Scholastic book order forms in hopes that their parents are too tired and run down to realize the books cost half as much at the store as they do from Scholastics.

I am one of teh lazy parents who finds it easier to fork over the 8.99 for a book on Pokemon for the dog to chew on than to listen to the children whine.

I was quite pleased that they had chosen a book under five bucks and was off on my merry way.

Until I heard the boys giggling about how they would be sitting on Santa's Face over and over and over again.

I Had planned on telling them about the birds and the bee's myself, But I guess a little book learning is just as good.

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And All Of Saskatchewan Cheers

Sunday, November 25, 2007

I watched my very first football game today. How could I not?

For the first time since 1989, the Saskatchewan Rough Riders have won the Grey Cup. I should watch next year. I seem to be good luck.

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Close this if your kids are in the room pls.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

*read in a Stewie Griffin voice pls*

Lookin' pretty happy, sitting there, hmmm? Big tough guys killed the mean old gator didn't ya. Gonna have some gator soup for lunch are you? Hmm? Gonna cut the gator open and make yourself a nice thick gator sandwich to snack on, right?

I wonder what a gator looks like on this inside anyway....

Oh. Well then. Yuck. You know.... Some people DO eat alligators and crocodiles. Does that make them cannibal's?

Wanna see more pictures? Click here...Sick-o


There's a Hair In my food

Friday, November 23, 2007

Ahhh Friday nights. They have great potential for mischief making, but the fact we get up at 4:30 AM on Friday mornings makes it really hard for us to want to do anything but glue our butts to the couch in the evening.

Of course the kids still seem to think they are entitled to entertainment no matter how few hours of sleep their parental units have had.

Little bastards. They refuse to sleep in on weekends too.

I decided that a movie would be the best way to keep them sitting and quiet so me and hubs could doze on the couch and took them to the Movie Gallery to pick a movie. I wanted to rent a Christmassy one, but Blue Boy took one look at the south wall and shouted "MOM! IT'S RAT-A-TOOTIE!! THERE'S STILL SOME LEFT! WE HAVE TO GET IT!"

So we did.

I didn’t want to like Ratatoulle. I mean come on? A movie about rats in a restaurant? How disgusting can you get?? The only thing I know about rats is that they live in my freezer and wait for their turn in the microwave.

WTF were the writers thinking when they thought up rats in a kitchen anyway? How to give parents nightmares? Maybe it started out as a mouser training video for cats.Or maybe the writers were high. I bet that's it. The writers were on drugs.

'N drugs are bad, mmmk?

As it turns out, like all movies written whilst under the influence of mind alternating drugs, Ratatoulle was freaking hilarious.

Wonder if it would be funnier if a person watched it while high. Someone look into that and get back to me, mmmk?

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Thursday, November 22, 2007

In the past twenty four hours :

  • I made a five year old cry minutes before he left for school. He has a loose tooth. Just not loose enough to come out. I refused to A: pull it out and when that plan failed I refused to B: allow his brother one quick punch.

  • I broke four dishes while washing dishes. In my defense, I had a great plan to occupy the three year old by letting him dry. I just failed to catch the ones he look a baseball 'ed me. I caught some of them. After four, I made him go watch Shrek.

  • We managed to trim all of Smokey's claws on her front feet. It only took two people, a dog bone, a leash, seven band-aids and one episode or crying (me - she scratched right by my eye. It hurt)

  • My dad gave me my moms old mixer. I bet it is older than I am. I used it to make gingerbread dough and it started smoking. I forgot about the smoke but was reminded by actual flames and meted plastic this afternoon. Some one Remind me to put the smoke detector back together in comments please. Preferably in the afternoon.



Wednesday, November 21, 2007

If there is one thing that I learned today, it would be that I would much rather take 56 two year olds to a candy store and tell them NO, than to ever again ride in a vehicle with a dog who shows her car sickness from both ends.


Excuse me whilst I go scrub my hands with bleach. Again.

You Americans should be Thankful that I am sparing you pictures.


In other news. I have started a Google reader for PayPerPost Blogs. If you have one and it is not on this list, or if your friends niece's dog has one and it is not on the list, please, feel free to spam my commetn section with a link. Each day I will read or at least open each blog up so that you have an extra traffic count.

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Who's a Bitch?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

**Please note - there is an important note, a serious note, from me to you, at the bottom of this post.**

Please recall this post. On a very slow Friday night it seemed like an awesome idea. But in reality? Not so much.

Now, if you read my other blogs , Paint! and Where Was I? you will already know that I have been very excited about my new mailing address. Prior to Monday we had to go into town and pick up our mail at the post office. As of Monday, however, Our mail has been reassigned to a standing in the street looking very cold mailbox thingy.

As in across the street. As in I can check the mail sixty times a day if I damn well want. As in SEND ME MAIL.

So. Today I had the chore of calling six million and eight places to change my mailing address. I could have left it as it was ~ I don't really like bills ~ but sometimes cool stuff comes in the mail*.


This is a (very small) sample of the type of the conversations I had today.

Me: So the new address is two oh seven.
Dumb Twat: *typing sounds* oh no. The system is not allowing me to put letters in this field. Your address has to be all numbers.
Me: It is. Two-Oh-Seven
Dumb Twat: So what I am having problems with is typing the Oh into the field. Are you sure this is your address
Me: *Sigh* Oh as in zero.
Dumb Twat: *typing sounds* Ok then! Your address has been changed to show 207 dash oh. Was that everything?
Me: *banging head on table*

Me: V
Very good Engrish Speaker : D?
Me: V as in Vowel
Very god engrish Speaker: Hokay. B as in bowel.
Me: Nooo. Veee as in vice
Very Good Engrish Speaker: hokay. B has een bowel follow by da D like ina dice.
Me: *head explodes*

It just kept ketting worse. The more morons I called, the more frustrated I got and the more frustrated I got the more stupid they got.

Either that or I really pissed of that bitch Karma.

* I got offered the chance to review a toy - one toy - from an educational site. They asked me to pick out three and they would choose which to send for the review. They sent all freaking three. Expect a post up at Paint! very soon, these are some seriously cool toys!

** If you could take a minute to bookmark or blogline or google read Paint! and Where Was I?, I would really appreciate it. But thats not all, I would super really appreciate it if you opened both blog in tabs and left them open, while you play a game of canasta or solitaire or go on your coffee break or I dunno, actually spend five minutes a day reading the bloody things. Yes. They are full of paid ads, but they are also full of interesting tidbits about my daily life you will never see here in BPR. For example. I'm not writing about how me and the baby almost got hit by a retard truck driver here, am I? Nope. Not linking. Its the most recent post at one of those two blogs.

But why do I desperately want you to read those two blogs? Google dropped paid bloggers page ranks to zilch over the last month, so PPP has decided to get rid of Google page rank in their system. They have unveiled a new system, one based on actual visitors to your blogs. They call it real rank. I need my rank up so I qualify for high paying opps. The ONLY way to rank up is to have visitors. Lots and lots of visitors. Pee ess: as of now, reading from a reader doesn't get counted as stats, so please click over to the physical blog site.

Besides. I'm damn proud of Paint! and Where Was I?.

Oh and ...

Pictures up at the photo blog

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Monday, November 19, 2007

Listen, here's the thing. I got nothing. Zip. Nada. Zilch


  • It's an addiction
  • We are decorating Gingerbread men tomorrow.
  • It's an addiction
  • I hate snow. Guess what it has been doing all fucking weekend
  • I'm addicted to this
  • How big is this dog going to get? Do normal three month old puppies stand up and take things off counters?
  • Holy fuck. I've wasted five minutes when I could have been playing this!
Is it just me or is bloglines seriously fucked right now?

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And I thought, Maybe I Should Call

Friday, November 16, 2007

Tricia : Hello, Western Canadian Lottery Corporation, This is Tricia Speaking, how may I help you tonight?

Bluepaintred : Hi. My name is Bluepaintred* And I have a gambling problem.

Tricia : I'm so glad you called us tonight Bluepaintred. Reaching out for help is the first step in overcoming this addiction. Now, how would you describe your problem?

Bluepaintred : Well I bought a few of those one dollar scratch and win lottery tickets and -

Tricia : Do you gamble only with lottery tickets or are there other sources in which you gamble?

Bluepaintred : Well. Once, when I had just turned 18 My dad took me to a bar, becuase I was old enough and I put a quarter in a machiny thingy, but bells and stuff started going off and I thought I broke it, so I hid and refused to answer when the bartender asked who had done it! Now, just to be safe, I just play scratch tickets.

Tricia : Uhm. OK. How often do you buy -

Bluepaintred : So the thing is. My gambling problem. Last night I bought a few tickets, and I scratched them all, but I didn't win. What's with that?

Tricia : Well it's called gambling becuase you often do not win.

Bluepaintred : Yes I realize that. But I bought and paid for the tickets and then I scratched them, and then, there was just nothing.

Tricia : OK. Have you been to our website? We publish the odds on all of our Scratch Lotto tickets and -

Bluepaintred : Yes. Scratch Lotto. I bough them, and scratched them and did not win. Thats my Problem.

Tricia : OK, So when a person gambles they sometimes do not -

Bluepaintred : You see, I scratched with a nickel. And normally I use a dime. Is that what the problem was?

Tricia : Well. I can't see what difference that would mak-

Bluepaintred : Well. Is it becuase I scratched up and down and not left to right? My friends friend told her that you have to scratch them a certain way. And really my only problem here is with gambling. I just don't understand this. I bought the tickets and then...Nothing!

Tricia : Ok. Listen to me for a minute. When you gamble, it can cause problems becuase you do not win, and then you have nothing to show for the money you have spent.

Bluepaintred : Yes! Exactly! I bought them. I read the back.. here let me get it, I will read the back to you and-

Tricia : Ma'am? Listen to me for just one minute. You will not win on every Scratch lotto Ticket you buy.

Bluepaintred : No?

Tricia : No. That is why it is called gambling.

Bluepaintred : Well then. I think I have a problem with gambling becuase I bought them. I paid for them in cash. I took them home and scratched them all. And I didn't win. See? This is a problem with gambling.

Tricia : You know. Maybe I can get my supervisor here to talk to you for a minute...

And that's when I hung up.

The best way to do this is to go into quiet place, place the call and use the Speaker Phone function so that you can record the words. It is IMPOSSIBLE to write as fast as they talk. Also? Kick your husband out of the so called quiet room so his manly giggles don't ruin it for you.

*not my real name

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Thursday, November 15, 2007

Bluepaintred: I cant get smokey to fit in the box

succulence29: lmfao

Bluepaintred: she is too big to sit in it

succulence29: why are you trying to stick her in a box

Bluepaintred: uh
Bluepaintred: just cause
Bluepaintred: and thats all you need to know

succulence29: lol
succulence29: geek

Bluepaintred: still
Bluepaintred: its twenty after eleven and I have no blog post
Bluepaintred: gimmeh teh funneh!

succulence29: ummmmmmmmmmmm I haven't a clue lol

Bluepaintred: LE SIGH

You know its a sad state of affairs when you can't even count on family.

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Should I Be worried?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

A few times this week I have turned my computer off to go to bed only to find it on when I wake up. I know I turned it off becuase I do so every night, so please don't suggest I forgot.

This morning my computer was not only on, but whoever had turned it on had forgotten to log out of yahoo messenger.

Here is what I read:

SmokieTehBandit: So as I was saying last night, if you just continue the whining, eventually they will get tired of it and let you out!

SamsonsDelihlah: Nope. My human is one hard ass case Bandit. No treats after seven, No chewing on the books, No eating Sam's homework, always make potty outside - thats the worse one of all!

SamsonsDelihlah: And it's really cold here! I cant take it anymore, Bandit! I think tonight I am going to kill all the left socks I can find!

SmokieTehBandit: Lah. I think it's time you faced the truth. You need to get out of there. What are they going to do to you next? Shave you bald??

SamsonsDelihlah: Oh Bandit! You don't think they would.... would they? Even they aren't that bad...right?

SmokieTehBandit: How cold was it?? Hmmm? Think about it Lah, thats all I'm asking. There's room in my kennel if you need it.

SamsonsDelihlah: But. It's twelve hours away BY CAR Bandit! My legs are four inches long! That would take me years!

SmokieTehBandit: Don't worry about it. I'll get you some cash, you can get a bus tic- gotta go the humans are up!

And just a few minutes ago I found Smokie stealthily pawing through my purse only to cock her head to the side pretending innocence when I asked her what the hell she was doing.

SamsonsDelilah is Shelli's new puppy. Should I warn her?

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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

And then on the way home I told him "If Uncle gets stopped by the police you have to say I gots da munchies"

Uh. pee ess and stuff. He had his pupils dilated by the optometrist, not someone's stash.

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Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

Monday, November 12, 2007

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.

8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.


Thank You

Sunday, November 11, 2007

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.



Saturday, November 10, 2007

So today was Saturday the tenth. Not the today that you are reading this on, thats Sunday the eleventh. For me right now? Yea. The tenth.

I got up this morning and spent a looong time choosing clothes for tonight. I put on make up and had my Brother's Girlfriend dye my hair.

Finally I was done.

"Honey" I said, "I'm ready for the radio show now. How do I look?"

The problem? The radio show is your today not my today.

My retardedness aside, check out the hair:

Hmmm. Bad coloring. Must be from the bathroom lights.

Ahh this is better!
And Again. Just cus I really love the color!


And last? In a week I am ordering Colored contacts and I cannot decide what color to order!

Here is the color my eyes are now, A pale kinda blue.
Ignore the scar. That's a order!

There is a whole list of colors here, but these are my favorites. But WHICH one do I get??

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The Best Laid Plans

Friday, November 09, 2007

Tonight I noticed that the grill on the front of my brothers big black "I'm not compensating for ANYTHING" truck was missing. This entertained me for a good part of the day. I feel that his truck is incomplete and that I should offer him some sort of solution for his vehicular deficit.

I suggested that since we have plenty of wildlife in our area he could replace the missing grill with one that has shish kabob skewers attached. I felt that this was a very practical solution.

You see, he works quite long hours and with the new and improved grill, he would be able to smuck a deer (Smashing at speeds higher than 60 will ensure your animal is properly tenderized) and skewer it.

By the time he got home the engine heat would have cooked the venison to a nice medium rare.

It's hard to decide what to cook after working all day long, trust me, I know becuase I don;t work and I am afflicted with teh indecision every day 'round four PM. With the new I Think I Should Patent This grill, you can provide a fresh, organic meal to your family, made as you commute.

I presented my (well thought out) plan to my brother, but he shot me down faster than a fat guy can empty a buffet.

I think the public at large would benefit. What say you interwebs. Would you buy a new I Think I Should Patent This grill?

+ =


Becuase I want to fit in

Thursday, November 08, 2007

A Bunch of people were doing this last week. I may be slow, but at least I play the game. Not like some people!

About a year ago, I started a puzzling game called Weffriddles. A YEAR ago. I still get a billion searches for weff each week.

pqo weff
weffriddle spoiler
weffriddle hints
weffridle spoilers
weffriddles answers 49
32 weffriddle cheat
weffriddles lvl 58
weffriddles help
weffriddles level 45 spoiler
weffriddles level 44
weffriddle answers
weffriddles fake level 47
weffriddle solutions
nigh no nigh no nein

And what would Search results be without Pee?

best friends are like peeing your pants
friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can s
me peeing my pants video
true friends are like peeing your pants
friends peeing pants joke
dripper ‚o‚o‚o
friends are like peeing

And in no particular order :

balls spanked - I'm not sure if you mean the soccer or the basket ball, but they are in the back yard. I don't think they are going to care if you spank them.
leaky boob pictures - Well. Interesting. I sure hope you are referring to milk.
i saw his tiny penis - Did you laugh? I would have.
eet my boobs - If you had typed eet my peenis, I would have complied.
the first time i saw a penis - What? Don't leave me in suspense! What happened the first time you saw a penis?!
how to lengthen your penis quickly - Try pulling on it. If that doesn't work, rub it briskly with habanero peppers. This only works if the peppers are fresh.
boob washer - I use soapy hands, but now that I know this is on the market I'm.. wait. . .Is that your tongue?
spanking me ess - Fisrt You want your boobs eeted, now this. You're such a glutton for punishment!
i saw his penis - Who's? Not mine. I have a vagina.
porno lady - You must be referring to someone else. I am a sweet, innocent, lovable girl.
itchy boob - try scratching it. Sometimes it's the simple things that work the best
if you do it again i'm going to give you a spanking - I've been such a naughty girl, haven't I?
pic peni blood - Wait. Wha?
funny penis scene ouch - Although I do not have a penis of my own and am in no way g8considered an expert on penii, if it hurts, it probably is NOT funny.
looks like blue balls
- And blue is so not your color. Try Pink.
im a horrible person - Yes. Yes you are. Find a bridge. Jump.
shelli oye - *giggle* I think you are looking for this site
murder october 24 2007 - Should I know something? Am I an accomplice now?
i was drinking cough* - Co -feee. The EE is really important you know.
avitable - Uhm yea. That dude with two girls and a cup, snake fucking? You want right here.
you poked? i prod. - I LOVE the proper use of punctuation
bunny poop - And once more, if you are looking for someone who knows bunnies, you want to go here.
oh hia - Right back atcha!
cursing baby while sleeping - Bad! Bad Parent! You should be drinking while the baby is sleeping. Or working on that meth lab in the back. Is a mess!
it's tough being a kid - No. It;s tough being the one who has to wipe your stinky ass!
tractor channel - Wait, Am I on punked: the Jeff Foxworthy edition?

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Choose Your My own adventure

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Last night I did not post. (this is the part where you get to choose)

  • You see, I was kidnapped by nasty smelly aliens. I was looking forward to the anal probe, but after that it got pretty boring.

  • I joined a traveling circus. It was love at fist sight. Me and Johnny the Wonder Hippo are gonna get married as soon as we cross into international waters.

  • I was so tired I fell asleep at ten. Not only that but I did not realize until after school today that the handwritten note I sent to school with the PITA had html italics codes for emphasis.


I Lost My Husband At Wal*Mart

Monday, November 05, 2007

I am not a religious person. I fully believe that when I die, My body will rot in a little box and eventually turn to dust. While residing on this side of the dirt, I believe in myself, My friends and my family ~ and thats it.. While I can accept, and even some days envy, that other people believe in a higher being, I do not.

My Husband on the other hand does believe that there is something better waiting out there. He has waited for a long time to get to that place and today, at 6:23 PM he finally got there.

I have known that this day was coming for the past three years. He has talked about it (and talked and talked and talked) and I have suffered through listening to him talk about it. I shared my computer so he could satisfy his curiosity about this wondrous being with the help of Google and Yahoo.

Of all the places for it to happen, the last place I expected to lose him at was Wal*Mart. I love Wal*mart with their low prices and freaky shoppers. I now I feel somewhat betrayed By the way they aided in his loss - not enough, though, that this will stop me from continuing my love affair with their crowded isles and dirty bathrooms.

Some people say they are Football widows and Hockey widows - I have even heard the term Golf Widows, But at least those are seasonal events.

Today, at 6:23 PM, I lost my husband to his brand new PlayStation Three.

I already miss him

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Children have short memories

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Today we decided to finally get off our asses and clean the garage and the back yard in preparation for winter. We have already had two snowfalls which thank Gawd, melted within the day.

Last year, from the first snow fall that stayed till the last snow of the year was seven months 23 days. And that doesn't take in the snow that came and melted nor the horribly cold spring that meant we still had snow in May.

Mentally patting ourselves on the back, we walked from the back yard to the front, ready to go in and continue sitting on our asses - only to feel the first flakes start falling.

That was four this afternoon and it hasn't stopped.

Out of the mouths of babes, we heard "Tomorrow is going to be so much fun"

Fuckers. They have no clue what we are in for.


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Exposed gluteal cleft

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Sometimes, when you walk down the street and chance upon a hot chick, you are lucky(?) enough to see a bit more than she is willing to show. Sometimes you see this:

OK, you won't see this per say, but I searched for at least twenty minutes for a suitable hot chick with ass crack showing and got nothing. WTF? I tried hot ass, sexy ass, and about six million other variations of the ass theme, and got zilch.

Anyway, as you can see, Ass Crack has the potential of being sexy. Unfortunately maybe 15% of the worlds population are fit enough to have both an ass and a trim body, so you don't see it often.

More often you are stuck viewing the ass of a fat woman who was too em-bare-assed to tell her boss her true size and thus got stuck with a pair of pants five sizes too small. And if the staining and visible stretch marks were not bad enough, her muffin top was doing a complete 360. And it jiggled as she bagged the groceries.

More than anything in the world, I wanted to offer her a can of this :

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Because I trust you to play by the rules. Yes. Even you

Friday, November 02, 2007

Part One: I'm a Dumbass

I went to see the optometrist today and I almost came home with a sixty four year old man. He was the cutest thing ever. I just wanted to squeeze his fat old man cheeks and invite him for Christmas Dinner.

I didn't, But only because it is not my year to host .

So I'm sitting in the super uncomfortable special optometrist chair and the chick tells me to take off my glasses, cover my left eye and read the board.

I told her I see nothing.

So she points at the board again and says Just read that.

I said "All I can see is a glowing white square"

This time she turns on the lights in the room, walks up to the board thingy, touches it and says "Right here, I want you to look right here and tell me what you see"

"NOTHING. I cannot see a damn thing! There is nothing there FOR me to see, you haven't put it up." And I am feeling all smug right then. Pointing out her mistakes like that. Yea! Take that you beeeee-atch! Woooo! I ROCK!

Until she asked me to put my glasses back on and I saw that there was a letter on the board. In fact it was. Sigh. The large "E".

Turns out I can be declared legally blind - without my glasses. I am fine with them. Or sort of fine. They gave me a new prescription.

Part two : Show and tell.

I got mail! From Sheila! Look!

Oh Noes! Naked feets!

Yay! Non-naked feet!

Oh noes! Attack Of teh puppy!~
Puppies like new socks to!

Woe Is me! More Nekked toes!

Oh wait, I'll just put this conveniently packaged pussy on them. Now my toes are toasty warm!

Don't worry new socks! I'll protect you from that dastardly wabbit Puppy!

Part teh Three: Trust

And now I put you on the honor system Interwebs. I am trusting you to NOT click this link. This link is JUST for My Sheila's Tommy. Srsly Interwebs. My modesty is at stake!

And Tommy? If this makes you blush you HAVE to leave a comment!

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Oh Look! A Keyboard!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Wow. I'm actually going to do more than click the "upload a photo if you are willing to wait six hours" button!

A lot has happened since I caught teh lazy. I'm not entirely cured, hence the bullets!

  • I have been taking maximum opps per day on PayPerPost.
  • I made Seventy nine bucks today :o) (!245 this week !)
  • This is good as my only real source of income went on strike today.
  • Well.
  • She didn't. Her mom's work did.
  • Excellent timing what with Christmas in a few weeks
  • Fuck.
  • I was going to get a big ass Tattoo In the beginning of December, but now I can't
  • Unless
  • Would the boys accept that my tattoo is our gift to them?
  • Yea, Thats what the husband said too.
  • I break for KitKats
  • No really, I stopped typing long enough to eat a mini KitKat.
  • And a Coffee Crisp
  • They are excellent, especially dipped in coffee!
  • They say the strike might only last a week.
  • if it does, I will only lose a hundred bucks.
  • So I hope it does only last a week.
  • Unless I win the Lottery.
  • That would be good.
Meh. I'm tired of The WTF Bullets. Are you or does the sudden full line text confuse you? I'd hate for that to happen. One minute you are fine the next you will be circling the blog with that annoying slack jawed look on your face, trying to convince my stat counter it is in the mood for anal.

Really. It isn't. Please stop, you're getting lube everywhere!

Pee ess: I lied about not hitting the "upload a photo if you are willing to wait six hours" button! There are lots of pictures there. Bowling, RM's Birthday, Some of them were taken by a three year old, some by a five year old and some by me. See if you can figure out who took what.
In a bit. Cus. It takes like six hours for blogger to understand a picture is something to be viewed and not screwed.

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