If I Had A Million Dollars

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I'm having a hard time being patient today.

Since the first of February, the WCLC has been selling tickets called Millionaire for Life.

(Read the picture, it's self explanatory.)

Anyway, like the good suckers we are, we spent a total of sixty-one dollars for eighteen
"chances" to win. We usually spend three dollars a week on lotto. But we always say, You can't win if you don't play. Anyhoo, the numbers aren't up yet. I know because I have been checking non stop since nine. The last time I hit reload I got a 403 Error message. Sigh. Now I can't get the server to load. Double Sigh.

So, Sans Pantaloons sent me this link. Go, Giggle, and If you don't understand, read the comments in the last post.

That will be all. Go about your daily tasks; and eat donuts and cake for me.

(Uhm If I think of anything else to say, or if I win/lose, I will update)

Nevermind, we didn't win. Hmm. Imagine that. LMAO. Dems De Breaks Kid plus, I so blame you all. Did ANY of you have your fingers crossed? Pfft. I didn't think so!


Ten Random Things

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

I've seen this on a few blogs. It seems like an easy post. I hope I can come up with ten things!

Tattoo's. I already have two. Well one. No, two.One. Two? I got the Chinese characters for Mother, and then I got my dragonflies above it, making it one big tattoo. See it here. Because of a blog post I have decided on my next tattoo. But it is a secret.

I really want to get dentures. Sounds weird, but it's true. My teeth are shot. They suck. The problem is not the money for them, but the fact I am terrified of dentists.

This Diet is kind of annoying. I feel hungry all the time. I am avoiding the scale. I am scared that if I see no movement I will cave and quit the torture.

I think it's weird. I haven't even been in the blogasphere a year, and yet some of the blogs I used to love are now So So. One of them has changed directions completely in the last two weeks. Do I stick it out and hope they get back to normal, or leave them for dead?

(how many is that ? Four? Shit this is harder then I Thought) (Thank god I am not doing the 100 things thingy!!)

Sunday Six is fun and enjoyable for me. But when I have a busy weekend, like the last, it really picks my buns when I can't find time to ask the stupid questions. So far RM, BB and Stupe have been asked, But Stuperman was in video form and you can't here him over the game boy he is playing. The questions this week, about the Oscars, really amused me, so I will not give up.

I keep stopping and playing in goo between each thingy. Blue goo. Ooey gooey. Blue goo, Gooey blue. bluey goo Goo Goo.

DDR is going well. JJ doesn't like doing workout mode So I am not seeing the numbers change, so I don't post them up here. But I worked up a good sweat tonight. Unfortunately I wasn't wearing deodorant.




I need to get.. uhm I typed that and then went to play in the ooey blue goo and forgot what I was going to say.

I am so stumped. You guys can do the last two randoms in the comments for me, OK?


I hate when people say "You Guys" and I always respond in a hurt tone, "But, I'm a girl!" Sometimes I offer to show my boobs to prove it.

There, now all you have to do is leave one random thing about me in the comments. Preferably made up things to amuse me. And I will need someone too peel my grapes whilst I recline on this chaise and read what you all have to say. Any volunteers?


It's All About The Pussy

Monday, February 26, 2007

********BREAKING NEWS********
So yea. I remembered to ask RM the Sunday six questions (hilarity) but forgot the other two. I'll do better tomorrow, I promise.
********/BREAKING NEWS********

And now, back to our
scheduled program :

If Pets Kept Diaries

Day 683 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In attempt to disgust them; I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now...

Labels: ,

Spousal Abuse

Sunday, February 25, 2007

I was looking forward to doing Sunday Six with the boys this week, Kelly has awesome Questions up all bout the Oscars. But something more important has come up.

Spousal Abuse.

Sure I feel a certain amount of shame in admitting that this ... problem exists, and particularly that it exists in my own home. But maybe by talking about it, we can solve this ... issue.

I don't feel comfortable reporting it to my family doctor, what if they decide to dig deeper to see if the children are fine, how embarrassing would that be!! They are fine, so don't worry! And even though Health Care is covered here in Canada, Mental Health Care is not, and I could never afford the fees a counselor would charge. So I'm going to lay on this couch and tell you my woes and you all can be my Shrink, OK?

But don't send me a bill, I won't pay it.

Lets see. Lets start with the fact that just last night there was a punch to the face, a knee to the small of the back and an elbow rammed between the shoulder blades of that same, very sore, back. Thankfully nothing was broken and there are no bruises to cover up, although, being winter time, no one looks twice when you wear bulky long sleeved sweaters and turtlenecks.

So How do we get past this problem? Even when all of this is happening, I still love him. He is a good provider, he is great with the kids, and hey, lets face it, he is amazing in bed.

I just don't like the hitting. And frankly I don't think he likes it anymore then I do, It just seems to happen.

A lot.

This morning during the customary apology that follows nights like the last, I couldn't help but think in the back of my mind, that he deserved it.

Maybe this will teach him to take my side of the bed instead of trying to reclaim his side after I have fallen asleep on it.



Saturday, February 24, 2007

And how was my trip? So glad you asked!

Let see, there was the time I was in the bathroom with the door locked. I hate trying to wipe my ass and someone walks in. So I turn the nob to open the door. but it falls off in my freaking hand. I had to bang on the door until my husband and MM rescued me.

And the baby. Who still won't let me take a dump all by myself. (Cus I'm a big kid now) At this point I have resigned myself to accept that he probably never will.
My dad once gave my sister a kidney. He never does nice stuff like that for me. I've been here for almost 28 years and not one solitary organ. Not even his appendix. It's not like he is using it. Hrumph, it's pretty clear who his favorite is.

Moving right along...

So anyway obviously to get the kidney that my dad gave to his favorite child, they cut him open, and obviously this resulted in a scar. And, again, Obviously we chose to tell the children that the scar was from a shark bite, and not from organ donation.

So on this trip, the children finally remembered to ask grandpa if they could see the shark bite scar. Grandpa showed them, but then explained it was not a shark, but that a doctor had done that.

"A doctor didn't do that grandpa! No peoples mouth is That big." Said Blue Boy, shaking his head and walking away.

Silly Grandpa, Blue Boy is way too smart to fall for Your lies!
My friend Monkee is having a contest that I DO NOT want you to enter. I want to win so stay the fuck away! Have I mentioned I want to win? Oh whatever, I'll win no matter what you submit.
And you should all know that as I type this I am eating chocolate cake, with rich, creamy, delicious, yummy chocolate frosting because on Monday I am going on a new diet.


"Choose Your Own Adventure" Style Blogging

Friday, February 23, 2007

Hi, How are ya? I can't come to the blog right now, because


I'm in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so Can you leave your name and shoe size when you hear the sound of the tone? Sure... I knew you could.



I'm unable to take your comment in person because I'm having an out-of-the-body experience. In fact I'm standing right behind you and I can see everything you type. But leave me a message anyway to help me reconnect when I get back.



Dewd CAKE! Driving thru a snowstorm for CAKE! People, come on! OMGchocolateCAKE!11!!!


Does your DNA match the semen inside Heather?*

Thursday, February 22, 2007

**********For Tug**********
*****I Heart Penis*****

Today is my Step Mother's birthday. I haven't a clue how old she is. I'm gonna guess 44 and hope I'm not guessing high cus she will hit me. Hard.

Yesterday was my sister-in-laws birthday (HI PAM). I need cake.

I love cake.

Tomorrow is going to be so busy. I hate being busy. Doing..stuff. I hate that. Stupid dishes. And broom. Why do I even need a broom? It's not like the cheerios on the floor have an expiration date..right? I like my jammies and coffee and fuzzy cat-chewed slippers.

But whatever. Eye on the prize people. Cake. last night some fucktard had the nerve to call me during Deal or no Deal. Pisses me off. The only damn TV I watch and they just happen to call me during? Bitch slap waiting to happen I tell ya.

So then they offered me 150 bux MORE then I was asking for my snakes. Fine, I forgive them. But now we have to drive the girls down to the city tomorrow and then get ready to drive back the opposite way to my dads for Cake. This definitely falls under the category of stuff.

Icky work-like stuff. I'm probably going to have to put pants on before two.


And, AND, now Mother Nature is fucking with me. She's really picking my buns! Scraping my seseme seeds One By One.

There is a winter storm warning in effect which is busy wreaking havoc with my plans. Speaking of plans. It suddenly occurred to me that I will actually have to pack clothes and shit for the kids. Go figure. I'm gonna make the brats earn their keep and pack for themselves, I mean, what's the worst that can happen?


* I was wondering what to use for a title when this line was said on TV. Good 'nuff.


This Took A LONG Time.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Tug wanted pics of JitteryJoe as a dork. I always deliver!

And the rest of you are shit out of luck. You didn't ask direct questions. This took a long time to do. I'm tired now. And I think you will have to click them all to be able to actually read them. Oh well.

this was actually really fun to do, so thanks everyone who asked questions :o)

Pee Ess: Finn, Shelli, I will email you photos of my boobs LOL. Fantastagirl, I had a breast reduction in 2001, and then this summer I had scar revision on both the girls. Now my boobs are sweet and perky, thanks to the Canadian Taxpayers.


...But I'm Le Tired

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Last night I didn't sleep well. No, no, it's not you, it's me.

See when you sleep till one in the afternoon, life is good its really hard to go to bed by midnight. Yea pfft.

And you know what else sucks? Neither of us were in to mood to wear off our excess energy. *wink*WINK*nudge*NUDGE*

That's what happens when you are married for too long. I think I'm gonna take applications for a lover. That should spice things up a bit. Anyone have Matt Damon's phone number?

So....ask me a question, any question. I will answer honestly, and if possible, include photos.
(Shelli this is your chance to see the boobie pics because i took them off photo bucket cus I was getting too many page views for them LOL.) ( but uh, please don't ask LOL)

Any question leading to the humiliation of my husband will result in my undying devotion to you. I do have his awkward teen year photos in my possession..heh.

I won't be responding to comments for this post, it would be too tempting to answer the questions there and that would negate photos.

Labels: ,


Monday, February 19, 2007

Have you all seen the trailers for Jim Carreys' new movie, The Number 23? I think it looks great and if my mother in law would ever get her ass home I'd make plans to go see it...

Anyway I was laying in bed lastnight and a commercial for the movie came on and I started thinking about numbers and coincidences and blah blah blah. Here is what I came up with, using 27, my age.

  • I am 27
  • My birthday is 2/07
  • It is year 2007
  • my house number is 207
  • I have a 2 year old and a 7 year old.
  • My four year old's birthday is 4/23, added, thats 27
  • 27 shows up on my Shoppers Optimum card, 2 times
  • The sets of numbers on my health card can be added up to 7, 2, 7,
  • There are 7 letters in my first name
  • If you subtract the number of letters in my middle name from my last name, it becomes a 7 letter word.. that makes my full name, 2 7 letter words.
  • I have been married 7 years, August(8) Sixth. 8+6 = 14. devide by 7= 2
  • I have owned 7 pets, 2 were reptiles
  • Since highschool, I have moved 7 times, but only 2 were houses.
  • I have 2 tattoos that took a total of 7 hours to do
  • It is 2:47, wich is also the age of my kids.
  • I have 2 gnomes that came in the mail 7 days apart
And then I fell asleep.

So the question begs, can I pick any number and do the same thing with it? If so, then it is all coincidence, right? What if it isnt? What if it IS a conspiracy? What if I'm insane? When does 23 come out?

And it's a bad sign that I really want to go put this in drafts untill the 27th, right?


Sunday Six : Kids Are In Charge. **Edited**

Sunday, February 18, 2007

This weeks sunday six questions are all about Presidents' Day. I didn't want to ask the kids about that becuase the two oldest would answer I Don't Know to all of them and they baby would just meow.

I thought about trying to come up with my own questions, but it's actually really hard to do. As a last resport I asked Rainbow man what kind of questions he wantedand his idea was for the kids to ask and the adults to answer. The first three questions are by Rainbow Man and the last three are from Blue Boy. Do I have to point out I will be reading the answers to the boys? No hanky panky answers! If you really must be depraved, I can proof read the answers and only read the ones suitable to the boys.

Here we go! (The boys love stupid people, so feel free to answer in such a way)

1. What is a Mutant?
2. What is steele?
3. What is grass made of?

4. Why do we flush the lady bug? (see attatched video)*
5. When will I turn Fibe?
6. Are you an alien or a kitty?

Thanks for playing everyone!

Total Calories Burned Today: 203.184
Total Accumulative Calories Burned: 3874.412
Total Accumulative Miles Jogged: 50.184

* forgot to attach the video. deal or no deal is on
. wait till its over and i will get it up!
Mother Marnee, my daddies wife-e-poo loves me more then she loves you.

She gave me three bix boxes of clothes and dishes and candles. (score I love free stuff) The boxes had been stored outside. In minus sixtymillionbagillion temperatures. JJ was unpacking one of the boxes and said hey look!!1!!. Wow we all exclaimed a dead lady bug.

But it was not dead, just frozen and as it warmed up it came back to life. Unfortunatly with sixty bagillionmillion feet of snow outside and no access to whatever the hell LakeyBuugs eat, plus I am a wee bit depraved, we decided to feed the LakeyBuug to Tigger the cat. Turns out The big Fierce Hunter Cat is scared of LakeyBuugs. So we flushed it. True Story.


Taking The Long Way

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Last night when I went to coffee with Kissy-Kissy-Nine-Toes, I brought my poor beleaguered husband and three little boys with me. JJ doesn't get out as much as I would like, plus he's is a lot of fun to hang out with.

The boys? Not so much.

Normally the two older boys bring their game boys and all of their games to keep themselves occupied. We also keep them plied with candy. The baby is happy to climb under the table picking at leftover gum and eating the Bribes candy. Thus a three hour coffee with children can be a fun experience.

Unfortunately, Friday night was not so fun. A few days ago, Rainbow Man was not paying attention to what he was doing and dropped his almost two hundred dollar Nintendo ripoff DS on the floor.

It's not broken, but because we have been trying to make him understand he is responsible for the machine and keeping it working order, which includes making sure he charges it when it is low, we took his DS away for one week. Might seem harsh, but this is about the fiftieth time he has dropped it.

Blue Boys' DS was found under the kitchen table during supper and was removed from his possession for two days. Even at four, he knows that when he is done playing he must put it in the TV cabinet so the babies cannot get at it. His was taken away for two days.

So no Gameboys to occupy them during coffee, but we still had the Bribes candy, right?


JJ and I have one really strict rule at our home. Eat your meal or no snacks. Both Rainbow Man and Blue Boy "gagged" and whined and there were even some genuine tears Friday night when they came to the table and were faced with the dreaded potato. Evil, Evil things those potatoes, out to rule the world one child at a time!

I warned them that we were going for coffee, no snacks if they did not clear their plate. Then I warned them again. And again. After almost an hour an a half, I asked them to clear their plates and wash up.

No snacks.

They whined when I gave the baby his candy, although not very much as I cannot stand ill behaved children in public, and they are very aware of the consequences when they piss off mommy when we are out. They begged a bit, and even tried to convince me to buy the treats for the next day when they did eat. I said no. So they asked their daddy. He also said no.

Sure, no gameboys and no candy made for a rather stressful coffee, but by giving them their DS's and the candy it would just make my life easier. And that's not our job.

As parents, sometimes we have to be firm and enforce the rules, yes, even if it does inconvenience us, because if we don't we will be bailing boys out of jail in a few years. I'm not saying I wasn't tempted to just let them have that stupid piece of gum for five seconds of quiet, but in the long run, those two hours of stress during coffee will result in better children.

It really is true that consistency IS the key with parenting. Maybe next time they will eat.

On the other hand, maybe we should not have played this video while supper was cooking...

Total Calories Burned Today: 201.354
Total Accumulative Calories Burned: 3671.228
Total Accumulative Miles Jogged: 47.544

Labels: ,

Bean Juice

Friday, February 16, 2007

On Valentines Day, My BFF Kissy was robbed at knife point. That sucks, but she is OK. However, she needs to spend hours watching me guzzle coffee to recuperate from her horrendous experience.

I would never leave you all hanging, I do realise that the world would simply stop turning if I didn't post, So I will leave you with this these videos.

This one is only offensive if you are Gay.. Or an Eskimo. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Thinking about visiting Canada? Watch this:

Now, have fun and leave me lots of comments so I can DDR all day tomorrow instead of dealing with kids who have been cooped up much longer than is safe for my sanity.

Total Calories Burned Today: 585.279 (Yes that was all today. In effort to not smoke, which isn't going so well, I decided to DDR my nic-fits away. Did I mention the nic-fits are winning?)
Total Accumulative Calories Burned: 3469.874 (Point of interest: It takes 3500 calories burned to lose one pound. FUCK!)
Total Accumulative Miles Jogged: 44.928 (OK, That's cool! I jogged the equivalent of seven and half miles today :o))

Labels: ,

How To Achieve World Peace

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I have been reading post after post after post about Valentines* Day. They are all either cutsie-wootise I lovems my hunneh bunneh sooo moshe, or rancid hate filled posts about how the commercialism of Valentine's** Day will make the Rose extinct by 2017.

Yea Pfft!

Dude, Yes! I am so aware that I am guilty of one of the above posts, but lets pretend I'm not so that I can retain just a little dignity, mmmk?

So, where was I? Ahh yes. My Sky Light.
          • Leaking.
          • Again.
          • A Lot.
          • Pisses me off.
          • Gonna cost me a fortune.
          • Le Sigh
Also. Valentines Day. I'm pretty sure that everyone's goal in life is to stay married for a gazillion years and not be ripped apart in divorce court, so why are we always so shocked when old people, leaning over their walkers, diapers filled with last nights supper tell us : Back in my day Sonny, we stayed married! Me and..whatever her name is, we've been married for seventy years, A-yup. WHAT? What did you say sonny? Bring me mah T.V Guide. Nurse!! ZzzZZZZz

Yea Pfft.

In a perfect world, this is the ideal marriage. (You can also find this Quote in it's original Typo'd form here)

I think more people should marry chocolate. Then, after you bite into your spouse and end up in jail for domestic violence, you can be the bitch to one of those ginormous Hersey's kisses.

It's a workable plan. Plus, If I was married to chocolate, he would finally stop complaining that I don't swallow.

When are they going to come up with a "Best Comment EvarRr"? I want to nominate myself.

*, ** so... with the apostrophe or without?


What? Are you on crack? It was only minus 2 outside. We spent all afternoon rolling in the snow. And by that I mean that I sat on a cold plastic chair and read my book, a carafe of sugar'd and creamed coffee at my side while the children played. The extent of my movement was the shoveling of the driveway and putting the babies mittens on again and again and again. And HELLO??? NoDeal NoDeal /*/Canada/*/ was on!! Plus JJ got his tattoo finished so he isn't up to jumping around either. Don't look at me like that! The cookies were banana! That's a fruit! You said to eat fruit. All I did was add a lot some sugar to it! *Sulks*



Meh *EDIT*

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentines is over, and once again I got the same thing I get every year. Guess whats going to happen on March 14th? Nothing.

Google forgot the "L" in thier name today. That amused me.

I'm going to crawl into bed and forget the world exists. Y'all rock Monkey Chunks. Big golden ones with shiny glitter and rainbow wings. I don't know what that means.But I know its good.

I left a rather lengthy comment clarifying why I was so "Meh". I promise I'm over my funk. Cross my heart. Plus what right do I have to be upset when My BFF kissy spent the night being robbed (armed!!!11!) and talking with cops? None I tells ya, NONE. (SHE IS OK, THANK CUPID!!)


Here have a picture.


And Then My Brain Fell From My Ear and Rolled Out the Door

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

....Supper was finally over. I sat on my new exercise ball at the door to the bathroom supervising the washing up of three ketchup smeared faces. I didn't even have the energy to yell at them that the cup was for drinking from and not for the throwing of water.

Their chatter, their chitter. Non-stop* since eight this morning when Blue Boy woke me up with "Braghhakshfa9i2wrfhakd. Mommy I frew up on your floor. I gots to frow up again." And again and again. And then? Fine. WTF is with that? The forty five minute flu?

I turned to JitteryJoe and said "Right now, at this time in my life I would pay 500 bux for five minutes of silence."

As he tries desperately to kick the ball out from under me, Rainbow Man joins the conversation. "I didn't know we had five hundred dollars. who would we pay?"

"We don't have it, I was planning on selling you to get the money"

Oh well then you wont need the money 'cus I am the one who cant stop taking ever and I would be gone and then..will you go to Disney world with the money instead? We can sell Blue Boy. Or Tigger. and blah blah blah....... I stopped listening after a few seconds. . .

. . . And entered into a wonderful daydream of decadent proportions. Oh No! That Hot dude over there just dropped his towel! Oh look! His twin... Are those strawberries he has? Oh yummy dipping chocolate!Is that a paint brush? Well what do you know, they are headed my way...

And then of course, RM managed a successful kick against the ball and it went flying down the hall. You wanna kiss my bum all better? Didn't think so. Why Don't I get a pirate bandaid for MY booBoo's?

It seems my mother in law has spoilt me. I enjoyed getting out now and then with JJ, but I hadn't realised that my very sanity was dependant on it.

They get home in eighteen days. If I take away the hours the kids sleep at night (12), that's only nine days from now.

* I can't stress enough how many words two two year olds a seven and a four year old can use in one day. By three thirty I turned the volume up as loud as it would go on my laptop and pretended I could not STILL hear them talking/yelling/squealing in the background. How can they possibly talk this much and NOT lose their voices? Send me ear plugs. Please.

I forgot to post the DDR results all weekend and last night, but I didn't forget to actually do the DDR, so this is for Saturday,Sunday and Monday.
Total Calories Burned Today: 592.971
Total Accumulative Calories Burned: 2884.595
Total Accumulative Miles Jogged: 37.399


Why I Hate Blogging

Monday, February 12, 2007

I started this blog to uhm.. well never mind, its stupid and I was planning on telling you all on March 17th anyway. But I started this blog for me. 'Cus I'm all about me.

I'm incredibly selfish.

If it doesn't concern me; I.Don't.Care.

War in Iraq? I don't care.

New Orleans? Don't care.

World Peace? Go ahead, guess what I think of it...

I'm all about me. And this blog? It was supposed to be all about me. ME!ME!ME!ME! I told you. I'm a selfish cunt. But really. I don't care, because that's who I am.

This whole blogging thing? It backfired Big Time. It kicked me in the ass and I still can't sit down.

And it sucks.

I hate it.

When someone I know and love is in trouble, is hurt and needs me, I care. Oh don't get me wrong, It's still all about me, because I feel the need to do things so I don't feel guilty later, Not to help them, But so I feel better.

Me Me Me. All about me.

Yup, go back, read again, Selfish Bitch here! Hi, how are ya?

So now someone I "know" is hurting and what can I do? Nothing. Not a Damn Thing. I hate this.

I want to go to them, I want to hug them. Drink coffee with them and let them cry on my shoulder.

But I can't because its not some one I know know, It's a fellow blogger, and Life SUCKS, 'cus now I care, and can't do anything about it, for me OR them.

The End.


Good News

Sunday, February 11, 2007

We got the car to start. All it took was some gas, some antifreeze, an electric blanket and a shot of whiskey. I have coffee. Lots of coffee. Three times the amount I usually go thorugh in a two week period.

Thank you all for holding my empty coffee mug hand and getting me through this horrible horrible time in my life. Worse then labour I tells ya. Worse then the time I stapled the thingy throrugh my finger bone. Worse then.. well you get the picture.

Here is Sunday six, video form again, just to prove they do wear clothes. Well... the baby has his daddies boxers on, but still it's clothes.

Oh shut up. they were Scooby Doo, and the baby likes Scooby Doo, what was I gonna do? Say no? Oh, and his head is fine. But blue. Very Blue.

Anyway, Kelly gave us these questions on account of her wanting to be my Valentine:
1. What is love?
2. Why do we celebrate Valentine's Day?
3. How do we celebrate Valentine's Day?
4. What are Valentines?
5. How many Valentines can you have at one time?
6. Who do you love?

As usual, YouTube takes a while to load the videos, so be patient...

In a while, (he is watching a movie first) Rainbow Man is going to give his account of the car accident we were in this afternoon while on our perilous adventure to find me coffeh! So check his blog...well.... I'll edit this and tell ya all when he gets it up. It's up now.

Oh!! I also bought my Valentines present for JitteryJoe to give to me. I think I will like it!

Labels: ,

EMERGENCY: Call 911*

Saturday, February 10, 2007

  • The car won't start
  • We are out of Coffee
  • What will we do? We will surly die, that is what we will do!

*Don't really call 911, they have more important things to do, just lift a cup, inhale it's rich hearty aroma, and think of me. And kind of hug it gently with your hands. Lets it's beautiful warmth seep into your hands and touch your heart. Oh coffee, How I love thee.


7:16 PM: Tried tea. Not a good substitute. Added some instant coffee to it. It isn't helping, plus it tasted disgusting. I don't see how we will survive the night. Pray for me.

7:44 PM: Oh why WHY did I blithely answer “Nope we have enough to last till next shopping” when JitteryJoe asked if we needed to buy some coffee two weeks ago?

The baby is starting to look like a Double Mocha Latte.

When you order coffee online, how long does it take to come? Does it depend on if it's Regular or Espresso?

9:15: While playing DDR, In an effor to forget my lack of coffee, This happened. He tired to get out of the tub on his own. I blame Mother Nature.

9:34: Trying to look on the bright side. I haven’t peed in over two hours. At least we are saving on toilet paper!

Do you think Brown Beans will work in place of Coffee Beans? Lima? Gouda?

10:48: I can't feel my toes

11:27: Busy abusing Google Image. Please ignore the Lick marks on the screen.

11:58: *In the corner, knees up to my chest, Rocking* The voices are calling Jaaaaavaaaa

12:20AM: I give up. I'm going to bed.




Friday, February 09, 2007

I stole this from Kelly Becuase everyone needs to know more about me. Right?

Jitteryjoe paused his game play long enough to play a game with me (insert "aww" here) (insert a sad sigh that it wasn't an X-rated game here) So any way ~ we are playing this like that Newlywed game show thingy. He answered in Word, and I haven't seen his answers yet. After I do mine, I will copy and paste his in. Hopefully I get more right then him. Oh and his answers are Blue and mine are red. Stereotypes rock!

1. Where/how did you meet?
In university. I screwed up my class list and went to the wrong class where i met a guy named Darren. He introduced me to a bunch of People, JitteryJoe was one of them. (I thought JJ was gay, you wanted to know that, right?)
university, we were both skipping classes.

2. How long have you known each other?
Uhm, ten years or so, we met in September '97
10 years

3. How long after you met did you start dating?
Uhm two months? But we had sex after knowing each other for only a few weeks, On Halloween, to be exact.
2 months

4. How long did you date before you were engaged?
We never got engaged, just married. We dated for *counts on fingers* 21 months?
one year

5. How long was your engagement?
LMAO since he never actually asked me to get married we never got engaged. But we started planning the wedding when I was five months pregnant and were married when I was eight months pregnant.
around 7 months

6. How long have you been married?
Eight years this August
7 and ½ years

7. What is your anniversary?
August the fourth. Or Sixth. I can never remember which. But it was 1999. I DO know that!
august 4th

8. How many people came to your wedding reception?
Uh. Because I have no idea, I will say seven. Maybe eight.
I have no idea

9. What kind of cake did you serve?
As in flavor? I probably asked for chocolate, but I really have no idea. Here have a picture!
a white three tier cake

10. Where was your wedding?
My home town.
at a shrine in DuckLake

11. What did you serve for your meal?
I have NO clue. Except there were buns and pickles, I remember that!
potatoes, roast beef, salad, veggies, all sorts of squares, cake and fudge

12. How many people were their in your bridal party?
Uh four, not counting me and Jit. Or the Ushers(2) Here! Have a picture!

13. Are you still friends with them all?

14. Did you or your spouse cry during the ceremony?
I almost did. My dad was singing here comes the bride, big fat and wide as I came down the isle, so he cried when I hit him. (I hope) Nah I was trying really hard not to cry and my BFF Kissy saved my ass by distracting me.

15. Most special moment of your wedding day?
Finding out BFF Kissy crashed the wedding. And My uncle Willy coming. My brand new husband kissing my Uncle Bob. Yea, that was special. (think foam helmet special)
smooshing the cake in Blues face

16. Any funny moments?
When I smooshed cake in his face and he did it right back to me. Also. Picture Eight month pregnant fatty doing the Time Warp.
when they told a story that blue denied all her life, then with two words the truth comes out…”They DIDN'T”…ask blue all about the story (That WAS NOT funny)

17. Any big disasters?
Mosquitoes under the poofy bottom part of my wedding dress during pictures. Oh and I stepped on, and ripped, my veil as I was getting dressed. My granny fixed it for me :o)

18. Where did you go on your honeymoon?
To a Travlelodge. LOL
a hotel

19. How long were you gone?
Over night
one night

20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change?
The fact I fell asleep on him instead of partaking in the normal newlywed activities.

21. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
What ever side I want. I mean, Mostly the middle or the left.
right now I sleep the the right side… it seems to change with where the door is located to the bed

22. What size is your bed?

23. Greatest strength as a couple?
Psychic Deal or No Deal powers. Ability to guess the puzzles in seconds on Wheel Of Fortune. Really great sex.
we are unified in corrupting our kids

24. Greatest challenge as a couple?
Have I mentioned that I have three boys yet on this blog? Oh and his mom.

25. Who literally pays the bills?
Well he makes all the moola but since I am always hogging the computer I usually push the buttons that actually send money for them.
we both do

26. What is your song?
Holy shit. Uh. Pass? uhm. Angel. Or another one bites the dust. I know that one was played!
“angel” by aerosmith

27. What did you dance your first dance to?
Music? Fuck hard questions. I'm going with Angel.
aerosmith’s angel

28. Describe your wedding dress?
My Granny made it for me, and every time she tried to fit it on me, My waist had grown and she had to let it out. Here! Have a picture!
ummm….i’m a guy….i wore a tux

29. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding?
Daisies, 'cus I'm madly in love with them. And some were dyed purple. We got them at Safeway!

30. Are your wedding bands engraved? What do they say?
Nope. Should they be? If they were I'd have them saying Eskimo kisses from the Bird Man. Just 'cause.

Now, wasn't that fun? And just a heads up, we were both wrong on the wedding date. I was almost right though, so I win. It was the Sixth of August

Total Calories Burned Today: 220.435
Total Accumulative Calories Burned: 2291.624
Total Accumulative Miles Jogged: 29.708

Labels: ,

Boycott Kool-aid!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

<span class=

In keeping with my money wasting habits, I was shopping online yesterday. I wanted Soft Claws in Slut Red for my wee fat kitteh. How is it possible our little piggy weighs 11 lbs? That can't be healthy.

Tigger doesn't scratch up things. I mean, every so often, when I am trying to fall asleep, she will attack and try to kill our bedroom carpet. But I understand. I think its evil incarnate myself.

I just think soft claws are damn cute. Add in the bonus of no more blood shed when I try to paint her nails, and you can color me sold. ... What color would that be?

Plus, Hello, Slut Red!!

So I went to the Cat and Kitten store. They take paypal. Yay! They don't ship to Canada. Boo! However, if you go through their eBay site, they do ship to Canada. YAY! But eBay hates me. It really really does. Boo!

I registered for eBay. I waited by my in-box for the perfume scented e-mail they promised to deliver with my super special I'm Important confirmation code so I could join their little cult.

No mail.

I went back, and pushed the help button. Again, they promised to send me my long awaited and highly coveted confirmation code.

No Mail.

I tried twenty more times to convince them to send me my code.

No mail.

I HATE you eBay and I will not drink your kool-aid.

You're not my friend anymore!

In fact, you BPR hating eBay slut, I think it would be a great Idea if you were to just Fuck Off And Die.

Or send me my confirmation code...pretty please...


A short little person who calls himself my son, but clearly isn't because he ordered me to post this on my blog and if he loved me he would never ask such a thing...asked me to write this.

"And you hafta tell the peoples on your blog to go see the pictures I put in my blog 'cus they will laugh at you and thats funny"

Pfft. What a brat. Don't go here.

Total Calories Burned Today: 204.456
Total Accumulative Calories Burned: 2071.189
Total Accumulative Miles Jogged: 26.866

Labels: ,

Appropriately, I said "Oh Shit"

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

And how was your day?

Having some DDR issues. The main one is time. It used to take me half an hour to become an exhausted, sweaty, jelly legged lump of goo. Now it is taking upwards of two hours. I set my "Calorie Goal" at 200 today. I did it with no problem, about an hours worth of DDR. So I did another 200 "Goal". I quit because it was time to make supper, not that I was too tired to go on. That's about two and a half hours, straight.

The second, and most disconcerting problem I am having is that I have gained six freaking pounds. In a week. WTF? 95% of my cups of coffee are black now, because I cut the cream and sugar out of most of them. I stopped snacking just to snack, and only eat when I am truly hungry and I am freaking DDR'ing every day. I don't want to gain weight, I want to LOSE weight!

Total Calories Burned Today: 416.606
Total Accumulative Calories Burned: 1866.733
Total Accumulative Miles Jogged: 24.214

Labels: ,

All My Children

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I have three boys, aged twentyfourseven 2, 4 and 7. I'm a mom from son up 'till son down.

I always remember me wanting children. A boy and a girl. Bows and dirty knees, base balls and barbies. One with blond hair, one with dark.

Then I grew up, got pregnant, got married and had a baby. Score! A boy, so far so good. By the time Rainbow Man was one, I decided I needed a new baby. But my sister needed a new kidney more and since I was a match, my baby plans were put on hold. I never did give her the kidney, because she got a call on July that there was a matching cadaver organ available so off she went. And off my birth control I went!

Not even two weeks passed and I was pregnant. My sweet baby girl nestled under my heart. I'm going to name her Rebecca. Bows, Mary Jane shoes, wee ruffled dresses. Life was good. Life was great. Life sucked, we saw a penis on the ultrasound. I was crushed,(even though I refused to admit it to anyone,) for almost an entire day. I cried and I swore, and then I saw a tiny pair of overalls too small for Rainbow Man, but just the right size for the baby boy cooking in the pot.

And I was never sad again that he was a he and not a she.

By the time Blue Boy was eighteen months old, I.Was.Done. DONE! Blue Boy was not an easy baby, but there is not enough space on the Internet to tell that story. I started working on JitteryJoe. I wanted my tubes tied. I had two sweet boys, one for each of us. We should stop. It took a while to convince him, and he says he was just humoring me, but finally I went to my doctor to discuss my tubal.

Did you know they make you do a pregnancy test before you get your tubes tied? They do. I was.

Fast forward nine months. Stuperman is about thirty seconds old. I'm yelling from the bed, "Don't forget I want my tubes tied!" Did the doctors EVER try to talk me out of it! Wow. Finally I explained to them that I made up my mind to get this done a year ago. They looked at the baby. They looked at me. And by the time Stuperman was four hours old, I was in the operating room.

Some tubal's can be reversed. Mine cannot. Originally the doctor was just going to use clips, because he was sure I was retarded and would want this reversed at some point. But when they opened me up they realised that my right Fallopian tube had a large mass growing inside it. they took out the entire tube. The left they took out all but a centimetre at the top and bottom.

So no. No more kids.

And It doesn't make me sad.

Total Calories Burned Today: 211.621
Total Accumulative Calories Burned: 1450.167
Total Accumulative Miles Jogged: 18.809



I lost my baby today. I can't find him anywhere. I looked down, and he was just gone. Gone. Snap of the fingers, in an instant, Gone. One minute he was there, safe and secure, tiny and sweet smelling, his trusting fingers wrapped around my thumb. He's gone now, and I don't know what to do.

"I do it aww bah MYTELF!!"

" I Luuubb youhh"

"One two three four six nine"

These are things little boys say. Not my baby. Never him. It seems I forgot he was supposed to grow up. I really did. I spent no time picturing him off to his first day at school or with a car, a girlfriend, children of his own.

He was just my baby. All mine.

And I lost him.

Today I had a shower. I do it often, and nothing bad has ever happened in the entire history of me having showers. Today, Just like he always does, Stuperman wanted in the shower with me. He wanted to use his bear soap and splash at the drops in the air. He wanted me to pick him up and let the water fall on his back. He was still a baby then.

It happened so suddenly. I had no warning at all. Both my arms were tangled up in my hair and that's when I felt it. A tiny hand had tentatively reached out and touched my vagina. I jumped back and looked down at his poor confused face. Shock.

"Mommy your nekked is broked"

Aww FUCK! He finally noticed that boys and girls aren't built the same. He is a boy. I am a girl. And we are different from one another in an intrinsic way.

This Utopian stage in our life is over now. He's not the same innocent baby who knows nothing other then what we show him. Now he's a little boy. A person capable of learning and coming to his own conclusions about himself and the world he lives in. So fast. So.Damn.Fast.

Soon he will be a man, and the next naked woman he sees should be rightfully lying beside him..hopefully with a ring on her finger.

Total Calories Burned Today: 154.546
Total Accumulative Calories Burned: 1238.640
Total Accumulative Miles Jogged: 16.066



Sunday Six; Ground Hog Day

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Thanks to Kelly, here are the six questions this week:
1. What is a ground hog?
2. Where do they live?
3. What happens on Ground Hog Day?
4. How does the Ground hog know how to predict the weather?
5. Have you ever seen a Ground Hog?
6. How do we celebrate Ground Hog day?

Rainbow Man. Warning this video is full of violence! (only one child was hurt in the making of this video. And.It's. Not. My.Fault! Who knew he would listen to me? He has never done so before!!)

Blue Boy Hasn't got a clue!

We took two movies of Stuperman, He didn't answer any of the questions either time.

Stuperman Take Two

DDR? Who has time for that? Slept in, husband played final fantsy xiilmnopseventythousandxx all day. I had a nap. Weird dreams. And OMG DealorNoDeal!OMFG Canadian Edition! I will do an extra 27 minutes tommorrow from the comments today.


Mail Call

We got something in the mail today. I think this sums it up nicely:

And in other news, nothing is new.

Total Calories Burned Today: 161.684
Total Accumulative Calories Burned: 1084.094
Total Accumulative Miles Jogged: 14.061


My Alarm Clock Works fine; I'm Broken

Friday, February 02, 2007

Ever since I can remember, I do not, can not, wake to alarm clocks. Say my name, just once, and I'm up like a light. My Dad used to stand at the top of the stairs and wake me by calling my name. My job was to get the coffee on before my mom woke up. When can I start my boys on doing that for me?

I've never needed an alarm clock. I had my dad to wake me as a child, When I went off to University, I lived the first year with my Granny and she woke me. When I moved in with JitteryJoe We both sort of ignored the whole OMG 8 AM class and slept in.

We got lucky with our boys. They weren't morning people as babies. For them to sleep in till 10, 11 AM was perfectly normal, even expected. I liked that. A lot. When Rainbow Man started kindergarten, I enrolled him in the afternoon class so I could continue my love affair with sleep.

The switch from Afternoon Kindergarten to how the hell am I supposed to get a two year old a two month old and a five year old ready for a six block walk ~ out the door by 8:30 AM routine, was pure hell. It's better now. Except for Fridays.

Every Friday, JitteryJoe starts work at the in-human hour of 5:30 AM. And since we live in a town outside the city where he works, he gets up at 4:30 am.

Since I don't wake to an alarm clock, I have to get up with him too. Normally, I throw on whatever clothes are laying on the bedroom floor, often realising later that my shirt is on inside out, my socks don't match and that I forgot,once again, to put on panties.

Without opening my eyes I swipe the nearest pillow and blanket and curl up on the couch and head back into dream land. JitteryJoe unlocks the front door and at 7:30, HG's (the girl I babysit) Dad comes in and wakes me up to drop her off.

HG didn't come this Friday. So I was smart. I e-mailed my Mom at 5AM and asked her to call and wake me up so I could get Rainbow Man off to school. Promptly at 7:30 She called me. Sounding that cheerful at that time in the morning is grounds for murder you know. I swore to her that I was up, I was out of bed. But I lied. Just one more minute I told myself. Just one more second covered up in my ball of warn blankies and millions of soft smooshy pillows. Then I would get up, Honest.

8:55 AM. Rainbow Man Wakes me.

"Mommy, aren't I usually gone to school by now?"

Total Calories Burned Today: 362.31
Total Accumulative Calories Burned: 922.410
Total Accumulative Miles Jogged: 11.964


This Just In!! A contest at 5 minutes for mom as well as a contest at Mr.Fabs Place!! go enter them! NOW!!

Labels: ,

Who Am I To Deny Him?

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Labels: ,