If you tell me the ending; your death will be painful

Thursday, May 31, 2007

So. We have one place that rents movies - No, two, but we don't rent that kind of movie, we buy them.

We rented Hannibal Rising tonight.

It was fucking awesome, Except for the part where it makes me feel totally sorry for him and start thinking he should have killed just a few more people in Silence of the lambs and whatever HL 2 was called.

Is it wrong to wish someone would kill someone else?

Is it worse to have names picked out, in an envelope, addressed and ready to be mailed just in case he ever asks me?

Oh, and the other thing that sucked my ass dry, was that halfway through the fucking movie the DVD stopped working.

Fuckety fuck.

Hannibal (who is fucking HOT) Was just about to kill the nasty-ass fucker who ate his sister, and the movie died.

I did giggle at how mad the husband got. And that, for some unknown reason, our neighbor picked that exact time to lean a ladder up to our house and climb up on our roof.

'Cus really? When is a better time to go climbing on your neighbors roof then when they are one part giggly, one part furious?

And yet, even saddened as I am about not getting to see the end of the movie and finish mind fucking Hannibal, I am still giggling about how I was trying to get the husband out of his bad movie fury-funk with my hands down his pants while the neighbor was up on our roof.

Looking in the skylight we just happened to be under.


I'm not sure what day it is.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Is that a bad sign? I mean I could look it up on the little thing in the corner of the monitor, but I think maybe...shouldn't I know? Aren't I supposed to be the grown up?

My bloggy buddy Marilyn keeps doing this Thirteen Thingy. and so I'm gonna too. I dunno If I'm supposed to follow a theme or not. And if I was, I still wouldn't. I'm a rebel!

Thirteen things that happened today.


1. In the bath tonight I was shaving my legs and couldn't figure out why none of the hair was leaving. Didn't it know I wanted it gone? Had I done something to make it feel welcome? Was my leg hair stalking me? Should I get a restraining order?

In the end I just took off that little plastic protective thingy that lives on the razors' head.

2. A man from Nigeria E-mailed me today. He wants me to rescue a puppy. I told him the dog was cute, but after I explained we had no more room in our freezer, he left me alone.

3. I was cooking supper. Pork chops cut in little tiny pieces and steamed or whatever you call it when you throw them in a pan with water and salad dressing. (Im a good cook, dontcha know.) In hopes I would be able to chew them.

Mommy what are you making for us to eat? Yucky food?

Nope, a dead animal I found in the freezer (me)

A good animal or a bad animal?

Just a pig.(me)

But piggy's are nice to me!

Oh? When did you ever meet a pig?(me)

When only I was invented and only a pigs were invented they would walk on the road and let peoples ride on their backs and not try to get them off and one little pig was sad cus no peoples were riding him so I ride-ed him and he was my friend.

So who invented you and the pigs? (me)

The inventor man it's his job and when you do a good works on your job they give you lots of money. Daddy has a job and he gets money to buy a couch. Maybe daddy can bring his bank of money home and share it and we will get a couch? I’m going to make an octopus now.

4. My father-in-law agreed for the first time in his entire life that maybe we were right in a decision we made. I'm still in shock. Not surprisingly, The Mother-in-law still disagrees.

5. We had a whole bunch of foot by six and foot by eight particle board shelves we wanted to get rid of. The Father-in-law wanted them. Because I am extremely lazy I piled them on top of Rainbow Man's skateboard and sat him on top. Then I pushed him down the driveway and told him to drive to "papa's" I also did this to the five year old....and the two year old.

6. Today I realized I have appointments for the fifth, eighth, eleventh and fourteenth of June. And one next Monday, but I haven't looked to see what day or number that is. I hate having to get dressed and leave the house to go to stupid appointments. Two of them are Dental related.

7. My husband has speed bumps for a forehead, not all the time, but when he Looks up or is concentrating or smiling or frowning or-- OK, yeah...most of the time. I tried to find a picture to show you but I was unsuccessful and he was less than amused when I asked him if I could take one.

Blue boy told him today that he must be berry berry old because he has old man lines on his head.

True dat.

8. I wanted to kiss the garbage man today. I didn't. Is it OK to leave a card or a gift or something for the garbage man? If I do, will they think I am a freak? Will they know it is for them or will they just toss it willy nilly into the truck?

9. A friend from school called to talk to RM today, he was off riding his bike so I took the message. When RM came in for supper I told him it was a girl and she wanted to go on a date for ice cream and kiiiiiiiiiisssss him. He threw his pickle at me and stormed from the table.

I apologized.
He accepted.

10. Right this minute the husband is talking about sub woofers and some sort of little hole on the back of the box. I don't know what a sub woofer is, but I am smiling and nodding and making a non-committal sound as I type this out.

11. After work The Husband was devouring the fifth Harry Potter book. After watching him read for a while Blue Boy simply could not take it anymore.

Daddy why are you just looking at the alphabets on the page and not reading them!

Well I am reading them, just, inside my head (husband)

Oh. If I had magical brain powers to read minds I could read the book too! Then you would call me king of earth cus thats where we live daddy - earth.

12. I made up number two.

13. I gave the baby a pair of pliers and a flat screwdriver thingy and told him to take out some half inch staples out of some particle board. I was kind of shocked when he cut himself. I gave him a band aid and set the little slacker back to work. It builds character.


Chicks dig scars.


Book Worms are better than Apple Worms

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Last night We got back from the dentist just in time to tuck the kids into bed. Rainbow Man was very amused at me trying to make a kissy face with my frozen lips. Finally we agreed that as long as my lips touch his face, it counts as a kiss no matter how funny it looks.

As soon as all three kids were in bed I took a pain pill left over from my surgery last summer. I don't take drugs for a reason.

I decided that a video post would be a great idea. Uhm. No. I watched it this morning and deleted it. There was a lot of drool, and the left side of my face did not move the whole time. I had not realized my nose had started bleeding again, so there was blood*. Add that to the fact that I can't figure out what the hell I was saying on the video, I decided it was best to just get rid of it.

Besides, I knew Avitable would make fun of me.

I stole this from Shelli because I like books and they like me.

1. Hardback or trade paperback or mass market paperback? If it is a book that I know I will be reading again and again, I love a good hardcover. However, I find hardcover books really difficult to read in the bath so I usually get paperback. Plus, they are way cheaper!

2. Amazon or brick and mortar? (buying on line or in a store?) I prefer to get them from family, but when they are bought they aren't bought online. We do not have Credit Cards. Credit Cards are evil.

3. Amazon or the Co-Op Bookstore.? If a book contains all of the pages, I will read it, old or new. I don't care if all of the pages are still in the binding, as long as they are all there.

4. Barnes & Noble or Borders? I have not shopped at either. I prefer a bookstore called Westgate Book. Why pay seven bucks when you can pay fifty cents?

5. Bookmark or dog ear? "Bookmark. Who dog ears their books. Shame on you!" <- that's wat Shelli said. Think she will spank me when I say that I dog ear my books, sometimes ripping off the dog ear corner, sometimes i fold the page up like a fan or an airplane, and if it is a really old book I know I won't be reading again, and that it has passed the family rounds, I will tear each page out as I read.

Did anyone notice that Shelli doesn't have numbers six through eleven done? I found them over at Lynda's Great Journey. What a lifesaver!
Hmm. Lynda's Meme is not exactly like Shellis', but pretty close. these six questions will fill in the blank nicely I think!

Science Fiction, Fantasy or Horror? Fantasy and Horror. I love suspense and I love dragons and fairies and magic. I also like books with a lot of sex in them.

Hitchhiker or Discworld? I do not know what discworld is, but I love Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. One of my all time favorites!

Asimov’s Science Fiction or Fantasy & Science Fiction? Fantasy. I could never get into Asimov. Love Ray Bradbury though.

Alphabetize by author, Alphabetize by title, or Random? I like to keep certain books in order, Dean Koontz, John Saul and Steven King, they are all separated by author and behind glass. My romance Novels are thrown all over the house.

Keep, Throw away or Sell? Keep if it is a book I love. Which means Dean Koontz or John Saul, give away if it is romance. I do not believe books should be sold for profit. They should be given to the masses becuase reading without a monitor is becoming a dying art.
Keep dust-jacket or Toss it?

12. Harry Potter or Lemony Snicket? Harry Potter ALL THE WAY. Harry Potter is hot. I think about him in a purely sexual way a lot sometimes. Him and Malfoy.

13. Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks? I stop reading whenever and whereever I damn well please. I often stop in the middle of words. I read while I smoke and the minute my hand hits to knob on the door to come inside I fold my page and put it down, no matter what part I am on. Chapter breaks are for wussies.

14. “It was a dark and stormy night” or “Once upon a time”? It really depends on my mood. Fairy tales all have happy endings, and In my mind all romance books MUST have a happy ending. One time I started a book, got halfway through, her husband died, I flipped to the last chapter and she was still sad so I put it down and never finished it. I do not mind dark and stormy as long as the plot is good.

15. Buy or Borrow? I prefer to borrow, but will bu. very rarely do I pay full price for a book.

16. New or used? Either or, I don't care.

17. Buying choice: book reviews, recommendation, or browse. I buy according to the author. If Someone has lent me a book I will read it if it sounds good from the back. I don't read anything anyone recommends unless I already wanted to read it. Every person has different tastes!

18. Tidy ending or cliffhanger? Tidy ending. I remember reading the fourth or fifth book in a Terry Goodkind series and the last line of the book was "I'm here to kill Richard Rahl" I was SO mad, especially considering that the next book was not due for six to twelve more months!

19. Morning, afternoon or nighttime reading? When I am not online, I read. or sleep.

20. Stand alone or series? I prefer stand alone because I hate waiting for the next book to come out. Like say, Harry potter seven. Wonder what Malfoy is going to be up to in it? He leaves six in disgrace with his death mark and all. I bet he will be super hawt. Hopefully not dead though.

21. Favorite series? Harry Potter and the Sword of Truth Series by Terry Goodkind.

22. Favorite book of which nobody else has heard? Hmmm. No guesses. Have you read So You Want To Be A Wizard? It's really good. I think I will read it again.

23. Favorite books read last year? I have probably ready a thousand books in the last year. Shit. Uhm. Nope Not going to choose.

24. Favorite books of all time? Ok. This is going to sound really weird. In grade seven we were assigned book one of a four book series. I liked it so much I read books two three and four in the library. I have no idea what they are called. It is about a boy and a girl who somehow (?) get magic abilities or realize they have them and start to fight evil. I think there are four things they find/look for in each book. Sigh. I don't know the author or the titles or really any of the plot so all my searches so far have come up empty. I know book two or was it three, takes place around water. I so SUCK.

I tag no one, but extend sincere congratulations to myself for being able to complete this Meme in what I hope is a rational way due to the fact that the pain pills have way kicked in and I am drooling again. Must.Sleep.

Random book fact : I like to tear off the corners of books, preferably very old ones and suck on them. Occasionally I swallow them, but mostly I spit them out when the flavor is gone.

*The bleeding was due to the root in the sinus thing where my nose was almost but not actually broken by the dentist who despite all of the agony of the nose pain and sixteen needles (I'm resistant to the anesthetic) I still love.

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There Will be tears.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Another early post.

I cannot say for sure I will be able to do much more than crawl into my bed, curled up and feel sorry for myself, later tonight.

All day long I have had periods of forgetfulness, when I don't remember whats coming up tonight in eighty five short minutes. And life is fine, for those short, sweet moments.

When I do remember whats coming, I start to panic. I have some issues with panic attacks, and in most cases, counting out my breathing, and tapping my feet helps me deal with them.

Today, nothing has helped.

Because I know that tonight I am going to the dentist. Seven PM. To have a tooth pulled.

I had panic attacks today that have left me light headed and nauseated. I have had the ones where I shake uncontrollably. And of course, I'm extremely short tempered because of the fear.

Oh fuck. The dentist. Seventy eight more minutes.

I have had "bad" teeth for as long as I can remember. I was never the kid who came home with a shiny tooth shaped sticker for no cavities. I was always the one being drilled and suctioned, and as I entered into adult hood, where going to the dentist became MY responsibility as opposed to my parents, I slacked off big time.

I'm definitely paying for that now.

Now I am on my road to dentures. My molars have gone too far to be saved without more time and money than I deem worthy.

In the next seven months I will have all of my back teeth removed, one or two at a time. Right after Christmas, if all goes according to plans, I will have the front teeth removed all at once.

I feel nauseous just thinking about it.

If I had to choose between life without coffee or going to the dentist, I would lose the coffee.

I'm very much afraid.

At least one good think has come from me and my teeth; My boys are addicted to brushing and flossing. They don't want to have teeth like me.

Sixty six minutes.


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Sunday, May 27, 2007

What I Heard:

"Mommy I pooped on the wall!"

What I Said:

"Husband type dude, Stuperman pooped on the wall, I'm heading to coffee. See ya!"



Saturday, May 26, 2007

Whoever has that Mother Of The Year award, send it on to me now!


Two, count em, TWO concussions in one hour, and if the baby hadn't been napping, I bet he would have gone down too!


Of course, I do owe some of my mothering success to the addictive properties of the internet, as well as how slick the driveway gets when the boys are splashing in the pool.

I would have been no where near this point without the little kid on the bike, who kindly helped me out by knocking out the oldest. Thanks Kid! I owe you one!

And who could forget the speed at which I got out the band aids for their bleeding heads only to be reminded that band aids on hair is a bad idea!

I rock.

ACK! I almost forgot! There is a contest over at the Pinks and Blues Blog. All you have to do is go , sign your name and link back to the contest like I am doing right now, and you could win this Dooney & Bourke Splash Denim Bucket Handbag!




Friday, May 25, 2007

Have I ever told you that I don't go get the mail? That the Husband Type with six million uber religious-type relatives - including ones who work at the post office - does?


I Got Mail.

Click It. It likes to be played with and will reward you by getting bigger.


Biting The Bullet - 1 2 3 4

Thursday, May 24, 2007


  • I started and finished a four hundred page book in the bath tonight.
  • It was good.
  • The Husband calls them female porn.
  • I don't think they are.
  • He needs to read some real porn, and then say it.
  • Hell - he needs to read one of my so-called female porn books and then try saying it.
  • I think the book should have ended with her pregnant.
  • I can't wait for the seventh Harry Potter book to come out.
  • I re-read one through six last week.
  • I should have waited until the middle of July to read them, I cannot stand waiting.
  • I'm not a patient person.
  • I hope Dumbledore isn't really dead.
  • And that the four main characters (Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny) Finally lose their virginity.
  • It would suck to die a virgin.
  • We got the bill for the accident yesterday.
  • $175.00
  • We paid it today.
  • We used the money I had saved up for my next tattoo.
  • This saddens me.
  • Well, not really, We won't be getting them done till fall.
  • That's lots of time to save.

  • I am not asking The Husband to wake me tomorrow.
  • Even though it is Friday.
  • I like the thought of sleeping in an extra two hours. Five AM sucks
  • Rainbow Man has got up each morning on his own.
  • With his new alarm clock.
  • I told RM to wake me up when He gets up.
  • Don't worry. We have a back-up phone call planned.



No Time~finally updated! Yay Me!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Tonight was Coffee Night with BFF Kissy. It was great but for one part. One of my favorite waitresses confided in us that she was leaving to work at a new place, a place that I don;t really like. This sucks, because I really like Rose, she is always pleasant, and even when the place is jumping, my cup is filled with great regularity!

The reason she is leaving is that her boss of more than ten years has not given her a single raise. Not even a nickel. In ten years! To top it off, she finds out that the people who have been hired, for instance, the new cook, they are being paid way more than her and she is their supervisor!

What's up with that? I know the law states that her employer only has to pay minimum wage, but raises are used to honor a loyal and great employee, oy! this pisses me off.

I'm gonna miss Rose next Coffee Night!

Due to Coffee Night, I haven't had the proper time to get my coffee post ready. I needed some photos for the planned post. Therefore, I plan on updating this post after I send Rainbow Man off to school. My head stops trying to explode into a million pieces. In the meantime, please enjoy this shot of me taking this mugs' javinity.

She was hawt! And wet, with a few bubbles...


Here we go. I would have had this up sooner but I woke up this morning with a gerbil and ajackhammer in my head. Not a good situation..
This photo represents the coffee mugs I drink from. Smallest to biggest, we will call them A B C and D.

Cup A, the smallest, Is only used when we have company, so that all of the mugs match, or when I have not done the dishes in a few days and it is a choice between using it or the cup Stuperman had OJ in last night. The mug is too small for any real coffee enjoyment. If you have to get up ever five minutes to refill the mug, thats a sign of a bad mug.

Mug B. I have three of this size. The one in the photo was sent to me from my pal Blogarita. Rainbow Man still argues that the mug must be his and it is usually found in the sink. This mug is good for afternoons, evenings and for taking in the car. It is not so big that the coffee cools before you are done, but not so small that you are constantly up and refilling it either. It's a good size.

Mug C was a mug I won from The Million Hit Screen Shot contest over at notes from the trenches. It is simply way too big. It looks smaller than the BadAss mug Tug sent, but it holds a lot more coffee, its bigger around. I have not yet managed to finish a mug without it cooling on me. Don't get me wrong, I will drink the coffee hot warm or ice cold, coffee IS coffee after all, but I do prefer hot coffee. I rarely use this mug.

Mug D. BadAss. Poor mug, it has not been empty since it lost its Javinity the other day. It holds the same amount of coffee as mug B, but is a thicker mug. This means that the coffee stays hot, even while blogging, as I am now, outside in 3 degree temps..

Not many people pay much attention to what they are putting their coffee in, which surprises me. In fact, last Date Night, the husband and I went to our usual restaurant and ended up walking out because they had switched from ceramic coffee mugs to plastic. What on earth were they thinking? A travel mug is an OK substitute in an emergency, but as the lids of them are generally plastic, I stay away from them as well.

Some might say I have an addiction to coffee. This is not so. Like air, coffee is a requirement to the continuation of me living. If you had a choice between shit/smog/ick smelling air and the fresh , sweet air found on mountains, which would you prefer.

pee ess: I am blogging without a mouse right now, just using the finger pad thingy, which I HATE, when the kids are tired of playing outside I will hook up the mouse and link people accordingly!

REMEMBER: Our body works because of blood.
Blood is made up, in part, of Iron.
Iron will rust in water.
Coffee, as well as being a great plant food, is a great rust remover,
save yourself the hassle of a rusty body,
drink coffee, not water!


I'd let the She mail man father my next baby

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

...If I hadn't gotten my tubes tied seven hundred and sixty seven glorious days ago. And she had a penis...

Because when that pesky husband type dude stopped in to check the mail he brought home a box. It seemed to shine from within. We were kinda freaked out to tell the truth....

The note inside said it was From Tug, But I am rather doubtful. I mean would the Tug we all know and love have enclose a note on such shocking note paper?

Heavens! Tug's a granny.

Grannies do NOT do that sort of thing. It MUST have been the mail man.

buuuttt.....On the off chance it Was Tug,, I would like to tell you all a tale.

It's a very sad tale. Lots of crying and gnashing of teeth. You see, It all started one blustery morning when I was at Avitables Blog. He was talking about an amazing thing. A cookie that had surely been sent straight from heaven. Thats right. I'm talking about the Strawberry Milkshake Oreo Cookie.

Once we had discovered the existence of the Holy Grail of Cookiedom, The Husband and I immediately began our quest. A quest for justice, a quest to better mankind. A quest for the perfect dunkable snack.

Alas. We were not successful. We searched on rainy days and inventory stocking days, we searched high and low. We searched stores large and small, with nary a glimpse of our prey. We did not give up. We continued our search on the next scheduled grocery trip, but were again foiled.

Again we did not give up, We persevered, thou we were sore disenchanted.

In desperation We started interrogating every person who wore a smock. If they even had a hint of the "I work at Wal-mart" look, we were on them like fleas on Fab. We had no shame. No fewer than three Blue Smocked infidels were tied to Bob The Builder Plush Chairs (ONLY29.99!)

They were beaten with whiffle bats and had blobs of Play Doh shoved in their noses. We made them listen to the singing Dora Doll for hours with no break. I'm ashamed to admit it, but we even raided the classics movie section for Barney tapes and made them watch..and sing along.

We were desperate! We had no choice! They were our last hope! Mankind's Last hope. Surely you understand we had to do this!

Alas None had seen, and fewer had even heard of the amazing Oreo Of Strawberry milk-shaky goodness.

We had failed.

And then, Like a shining star breaking through the clouds, the She Mail Man Handed The Husband The Box.

And the celebration in the BPR household will go on for hours. Or at least until the last cookie has been dunked, sucked, twisted and swallowed.

Which is of course a lie. One Box of cookies was immediately and reverently placed in the freezer to be there In Case of Emergency. I just wish I had a glass box and a hammer...

And to document this monumental occasion, Pictures of the boys enjoying the only cookie they will get. We opened the box in front of them, we very well had to share. But Never Again.

The remaining box has been hidden in the dark recesses of the pantry, only to be removed upon proof of sleeping children.
Please make careful note of Stuperman watching how the boys twist open the cookie to suck out its delicious insides. After careful study, and one try at The Twist, he gave up and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.
*You might have noticed a coffee cup and other sundries. Stay tuned for more stories of the Amazing BadAss Coffee Mug and his adventures In BPRland!

** Basically, what I am trying to say is that this is getting long, so the coffee portion has been separated from the cookie portion of this post.

*** although I must say, Cookies are well dunked in coffee or milk.

****I prefer coffee, but that, my friends, is a tale for another day.



Monday, May 21, 2007

Do you ever just stop, mid step, and think about how perfect life is?

I mean everyone wants to win the lottery and never worry about bills and such, but beyond that, do you ever stop and count how many wonderful things are in your life?

And when you do, a glow sort of envelopes you, and you stand there holding an empty coffee cup and just smile?

You feel an irresistible urge to grab who ever is closest and kiss them?

That was my weekend.


I hate busy

Friday, May 18, 2007

I really really really hate having things to do.


I have to do the dishes. It's five to twelve at night.

I have to sweep the floors. It's still five to twelve.

I have to remember to preset the coffee machine and pick up all the toys.

I have to get up in the morning. On a Saturday.

That's damn near criminal.

In the morning :

I have to get all the kids dressed and pack their dress clothes so they can be changed and ready for when we pick them up.

I have to get me dressed, do my hair - I have no idea what i am going to do with it. I suppose a messy pony tail is out, eh?

I have to get my fake nails glued on, but make sure I do it last so I don't break any.

I have to convince the husband to shave and dress in anything but the jeans with holes.

I have too much to do.

I won't be around. No post for Saturday. I don;t think anyway. we will be a t a wedding till late... maybe I can get one in on Sunday but we have crap to do then too.

Monday. I will be back for sure Monday.

Now it is three minutes to twelve, I really have to go!

Have a great weekend!


Ack!!1! Oh Noes!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Again! I did it again! HELP!

oh dear oh dear oh dear!

I'm in trouble.

Shit and fuck~

So every Friday that weirdo who keeps asking me to play with his weenie gets up at five and goes to work. He wakes me up on his way out and I grab my blankie and sleep on the couch until seven thirty when HG's parent's drop her off.

Only. HG isn't coming tomorrow morning. Meaning I will sleep in, and once again, I will hear "But you always sleep in on daddy's early day!" In that mad disgusted tone only teenagers, who think their parents are total retards, get. Except he is seven and has already mastered that tone. *Now free with your order of Teen Tone! Clenched Fists and barely restrained tears!!1!*

Le Sigh.

Anyone feel like calling me at seven thirty?


OK fine, ignore my angst. Giggle at my turmoil, point if you must.

I think it is time to get Rainbow Man his own alarm clock so he can start waking ME up on daddies early day!

And also? I had a super wonderful day today. Really, we made cookies and watched Jaws and I felt like singing and laughing all day long. Until of course I realized the above.

You can stop laughing now...


Please feel free to start pointing and giggling again. After a lively argument discussion with RM this morning (Mother Marnee called and woke me up) I called the school.
Turns out there is no school today. I could have slept in after all.


I did not win the lottery Last night

Last night when I got home from my weekly coffee extravaganza with BFF Kissy, I hopped immediately in the bathtub. I lit the candle Rainbow Man made for me at school for Mothers Day and I finished the third book of Harry Potter.

I had planned on just a short bath, something to warm me up and wash me down, but I ended up staying in until the water was freezing.

When I realized it was so late I had to make a decision whether I would post then, despite the late hour, or wait until the morning. When the husband suggested we practice inserting Peg A into Slot B just in case we ever bought Ikea furniture, I chose to go to bed with him rather than post.

I'm sure you understand.

The next few weeks will be very easy for me. HG, the two year old I baby sit will be spending time with her grandparents while her mom and dad go on their honey moon. I have spent the last two years playing with her five days a week, so I think this is going to be very weird. For example. I just fed the boys popcorn for lunch.

Blue Boy was sitting in Stupermans room singing Quints' Show Me The Way To Go Home song. Without looking at the clock I asked them If they wanted to watch Jaws for six millionth time. They quickly screamed yes. After I had the disk in, I looked at the time, surprised to see it was already noon. Thats where the decision to feed them popcorn came from.,

That link up there, by the way, is BB singing the song two years ago when he was three. He knows the words better now, but it is still awfully cute!

Ahh yes, speaking of videos, I use You tube, and will be switching from public to private on all of my videos. If I need to link a video in a post, like I have done above, I will switch it's setting to public for the day of that post only, then it will go back to private.

I am not sure how the private function for You Tube works yet. I assume I will get a password or a special link. Or maybe approved people will be on a list. If you have left a comment on BPR in the last six months - that does not concern the length of my penis - email me at bluepaintred at gmail dot com and I will make sure that whatever the form of security, you will be on it.

Have a great day, Because I hear Stuperman calling me : "I spilled again mommy!"


Stabbed In The Back.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

This morning I was horribly and rudely betrayed by a very dear friend of mine.

This friend, with whom I had spent countless nights chatting about anything and everything, oh - how she broke my heart.

I used to talk to her first thing in the morning, while I made my first pot of coffee. We checked our email together and discussed our blogger pals. We were inseparable. Everything, we did it together.

I remember this one time, when she came down with a nasty bug. I was the one who got her prescriptions and held her hair while she spewed all over my counter. I was the one who held her hand. I loved her.

I guess I still do, but it hurts. It was so sudden.

Up until mid-morning, all was right in my world. Right up until I checked my email. It was like my whole world crashed. Slow motion it seemed, but it happened so very fast.

One minute were chatting and the next, it was over. Done.

I still don't know why. It was as if she was broken, somewhere deep inside, some dark place where our friendship didn't count anymore. She didn't care about how much I needed her. She didn't care how much her leaving distressed me. My screen flashed and she spewed angry, incomprehensible words at me. And then there was silence.

But thats OK, I had the last word. I leaned in really close and whispered into her keyboard; You can be replaced Bitch.

And she was.

*In case you didn't catch on, my laptop died this morning, breaking my heart. But with much sucking begging, The Husband agreed that a new laptop would make a perfectly good Birthday gift for me. He Bought it tonight. Its all silver and shiny. I did not remind him that my birthday is in July.*

**Also. I have no bookmarks. That bitch took them to the grave with her. Can some one send the link to Stacy's Trivia Challenge? And email addresses. I have no emails stored anymore! I need some! How can I email without addresses!!


Some Help He is!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Round ten o'clock tonight I turned to the husband and said "Hon, I need an idea for a post tonight."

Then I said it again because he was in the middle of passionately making love to his PS2 controller.

And then I said it again.

He looked up long enough to say "nipple panties" and then went back to digitally pleasuring his buttons.

Word to the wise; Don't search for Nipple Panties if you don't want to see nipples and uh.. panties. Dur

For everyone who was shucking and darning over their missed opportunity to have and hold their very own penis soap, keep in mind I still have eleven more in The Husbands' closet, and I Will find more excuses to send them off to new homes where they can look forward to being fondled, frothed and dropped in the shower.

pee ess:
Did anyone watch Deal Or No Deal tonight? OMG I cannot wait till next Mondays' episode. He is going to be on it!!


Hope You Had A Wonderful Day

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Weather you are a daddy who helped kids make cards or a mommy who got to soak up hugs and kisses today, I hope you had a great day! My day was so perfect I don;t even want to share it. Full of love, great homemade gifts and wonderful food. ( I am eating a plate FULL of brownie still hot from the oven right now!) I will take pictures of the gifts later.

I was tagged for this meme by Fracas, a wonderful blogger I just recently stumbled upon. Bonus, she lives less than half an hour from me. That's way cool!

A-Attached or Single? I hate the word attached in regards to relationship status. I 'm married, I'm a mother, but I am not attached. Involved, In love, Over joyed, is a better description!

B-Best Friend: Online a have a lot of friends, IRL I have two "friends" Two people I feel I can tell everything too, Two girls who I feel would drop it all in a heartbeat if I really needed them. Two special people, who I hope know how I feel about them!

C-Cake or Pie: Cake. Chocolate, or banana. Pie if it is cherry or pumpkin.

D-Drink of Choice: Hmmmm. could it be coffee?

E-Essential Item: My coffee Pot.

F-Favorite Color: Any shade of blue, and some days, pink

G-Gummi Bears or Worms? Neither. i like chocolate or sour candies

H-Hometown: I have always wondered what one puts for a home town when you have lived all over the place...

I-Indulgence: My nightly bath. I love my bathtub and its silky smooth bubbles and the nummy smelling candles. I love laying in its warmth and reading till the book drop sin the water because I have fallen asleep.

J-January or February: July

K-Kids: Kids are fine, so long as they are clean and quiet. Oh wait. Three.

L-Life is incomplete without: Family, net and coffee. Not necessarily in that order.

M-Marriage Date: August fourth or sixth.

N-Number of Siblings: I have one sister, and three brothers

O-Oranges or Apples? bananas or strawberries. On some days, nectarines.

P-Phobias/Fears: Spiders. Hairy spiders. Big spiders. Small spiders. Dead spiders. Pictures of spiders. Thoughts of spiders. The word spider. Pieces of fuzz on the floor that resemble spiders. Spider webs. Spots that look like a spider might like to live there at sometime during my life time. Spiders in the car while I am driving. And running out of coffee again.

Q-Favorite Quote: My pal Blogarita left a comment on my blog Paint! a while ago.

Buy a Sponge. Name It Bob.

I use that line about six million times a day. To the point the baby will finish it for me. Cus it is funny and I like it, and right now it is my favorite quote.

R-Reasons to smile: Smelling coffee first thing in the morning. An empty sink. New comments on my post when I open my email. Shopping. Shopping and getting something for really cheap. My kids. The dimple in JJ's backside. BFF Kissy.

S-Season: Spring. No fall. Yeah. Fall. Spring is cold and muddy. Fall is crisp and colorful and the spiders are all dying. Definitely fall.

T-Tag Three: Shelli, For her Meme Monday. Blogarita, cus her link is already stored in my copy and paste function and...uhm. . . Just change three to two, they both start with T.

U-Unknown Fact About Me: I get really bad ingrown toenails and they hurt a lot. I like to "cure" them by slicing open the side of my toe, extracting the nail and packing the hole with salt. then I soak it in really really really hot water. It's something to do when I get board.

W-Worst Habit: Biting my fingernails. Smoking.

X-X-rays or Ultrasounds? Have had both and a lot of them! XRays were mostly my wrists, U/S's were mostly my pregnancies.

Y-Your Favorite Foods: Chicken and rice. Chocolate. Lettuce(head) {romaine lettuce grosses me out) Coffee (is too a food. I use it to replace lunch a lot of days!)

Z-Zodiac: Cancer. July Second. Write that down. Better yet, go here and set up an automated Birthday card to be delivered to jitteryjoe@sasktel.net on My Birthday. I wouldn't want anyone to forget!


In other news, Where did "V" go?

Pee ess: Today BPR will hit 40,000 hits. Send me a screenshot if it is you, and I will send you a penis soap! Send one if you are close too, just in case the person who hits it does not send me a screenshot, because the screenshot closest to 40k will win.

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Saturday Was Not Caturday

Saturday, May 12, 2007

..And OMG mothers day is coming up in less than an hour, eight, maybe nine hours after that the kids will wake up! Blue Boy let it slip that daddy snuck out of bed* this morning and they made me presents!


I'm kind of excited!

We will be spending Mother's Day at my In Laws, She is making a Turkey dinner for us and some of the Sis-In-Laws. Rainbow Man made her a card, Blue Boy picked her some plastic flowers and a vase and the baby wrapped them. (Wrapped is another way to say Put six million pieces of tape everywhere but on the actual paper, then cry because the tape runs out.)

I had a nasty headache today. I think I would go so far as to say it was a migraine. I was VERY sensitive to light, and I laid in bed, not tired at all, not sleeping, with a pillow over my head. Every so often Jittery Joe would come in and tell me something, and just the movement of my face when I answered made me nauseous.

It sucked. I get a lot of headaches, ones that last days but with some Tylenol I am able to still do whatever I want and the pain is just a dull throb in the back of my mind. Today though, this sucker laid me flat, I couldn't do anything, and I really wanted to watch the weather channel to make sure the tornado watch did not become a warning. (I had to turn the bedroom TV off the sound was too much)

Since the house is still standing, I assume it did not.

On Friday Stuperman learned an very important lesson on cause and effect.He learned that it does not matter if you take great care of a balloon; Even if you hold it tight so the wind does not blow it away, if you punch your brother in the head instead of sharing the balloon, or if you draw smiles on it with chalk in a loving manner while you talk to it.

In the end, it doesn't matter how much you love your balloon if you take a hammer and try to pound a nail in it, the balloon WILL pop, and crying does not fix it.

A hug and a ring pop will fix the crying, however.

Tigger The Cat is mad at me again. Tig's vet wants her to lose a bit of her chub, and suggested a diet of measured wet cat food to reach that goal. Also, apparently the wet cat food will help her stop shedding enough hair to make a new cat each day. Every time I go into the kitchen, Tigger starts crying for more food, and when I ignore it, she bites my feet.

Oh, and I gave her a bath tonight. She has bad kitty dandruff and about every two months we wash her with her special vet approved six thousand dollars an ounce kitty dandruff shampoo and brush her out. We usually brush out enough hair to make a sasquatch!

I fully expect to wake up to a few strategically placed hair balls.

*The Husband and I routinely sleep in till eleven or so on weekends. Rainbow Man will change the baby from his night diaper to underwear, unless it is poopy, then he wakes us to do it. RM also feeds his brothers cold cereal and wakes us when there are any problems. Due to the noise level of three unattended boys, It should be obvious that The Husband and I aren't in a deep sleep, and are able to hear if there are any real problems that an adult needs to deal with.


New subject!

Friday, May 11, 2007

There are a few new photos on the photo blog. Not many. I need to get off my ass and get the other fifty up!

New subject!

Peggy, who either has no blog (sadness, get one!) or does not want me stalking her blog and therefore never leaves me a link, mentioned that wireless cards are awesome.

The thing is, we Do have a wireless card. Sigh. Here in Canada, we do things a bit different than all the rest of you.

Our desk top computer - a big bulky dinosaur used only for stealing borrowing things to download and storing pictures - is wireless.

I can take it anywhere I want, I can download photos in the back yard while eating any flavor of Popsicle I want! I can take it to the bathroom with me or I could, I dunno, blog while having sex. (although I would hate to see the typos if I tried that!) It is completely mobile.

Unfortunately the lap top is not portable. It is chained to my kitchen counter by cords and wires. I know, It's weird, but lets all try to deal with this as adults please.

New subject!

On Thursday, on my way into the city for shopping and coffee, I was pulled over at 6:12 pm for speeding. I was going about 20 K over the limit. I had my license and the little green paper from the glove box all ready when he got to my window. I handed them to him and said "Yea, I know I was speeding" before he had a chance to say anything. I was in a hurry and I wanted to just get my ticket and go!

Mr.Police Man asked me why I was in such a hurry, and I did the only thing a responsible mom of three does. I lied.

"During dinner, my seven year old told me he needs stuff for school tomorrow and I am trying to get in and out of the city and back home before bedtime so I can tuck them in." I told him.

He politely asked me to slow down and reminded me of the dangers of speeding and then sent me on my way with a warning that if I don't hurry I won't make it back in time.

I found that a bit confusing, was he telling me I was allowed to speed? Oh well, no ticket! Yay!


Y'all have an awesome weekend!


News Bulletin

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Look! Over there, quivering in the corner... It's the extremely rare Canadian blog post!

Normally they are found lit up on computer monitors 'round the world, but recently, their numbers have declined. Scientists are researching the cause of this strange - and sudden - disappearance of posts.

Some suggest it is due to the climbing summer temperatures and the irresistible call of the purple wading pool. Orange Popsicles are already being discussed in negative terms, as they are thought to be one of the main causes for this lack of substantial postings.

One scientist questioned fortitude of the Canadian Blogger. Can she keep blogging every day when studies have shown she has had a very marked decrease in commenting activities? This was determined to be the result of either blog lines or laziness. - The unfortunate scientist, who suggested laziness to the Canadian Bloggers face, was shot immediately and buried in the garden out back. - Great fertilizer.

In order to find a cure, we need your help. Classes such as mosquito slapping 101, spider stomping (room 642 - ask your class leader for the booklet) and rainy days 212.5 will be starting effective immediately. Bring your own pencils.

We at the Keep Canadians Blogging (KCB) research facility are getting closer each and every day to finding a cure. Together, we can stop Innocent Canadian Bloggers from going outdoors and reading in the sun. We CAN stop the senseless sucking of orange (and pink) Popsicles.

Together; We Will Get Canadian Bloggers back inside - and on the computer where they belong.

[Commence loud, raucous cheering. . . NOW]


Now We Are All Out Of Bandaids

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

First of All, I should tell you that the title is a bit misleading since I found a secret stash of band aids in a box of tampons. Stuperman went through a stage where he would sneak off and use a whole box of band aids on himself, without first attaining a suitable blood letting injury. I must have hid some for a rainy day and forgot about it. I think that falls under the "useless information" category that my English teacher would circle in red while marking all of my high school essays, eh?

Lets warm up to this story with some simple math, mmk?




Ohhhh! You are such a smarty pants! So many hands already up in the air at the first part of the equation shouting out the answer! I am so proud. You all get gold stars. Except for you in the back. Still a little confused?

What do I have to do? Spell Type it out for you?


Two years ago, Rainbow Man Got this electric powered Honda Mini Bike for Christmas from his doting Aunt and Uncle. It's top speed is somewhere in the range of ten klicks an hour, seems safe enough.

Being an over protective momma, I hadn't let RM on the bike yet - except for that time I went for coffee and his daddy put him on the bike the second the car backed out the driveway. Reluctantly, Jittery Joe agreed RM was too small for it when he realised that Rainbow Man could reach the throttle but not the brakes. At least he was on grass that time..

This week, we took it out and gave him the key. The bike is ridiculously small on him now. Kind of cute, but kind of retarded looking, but he likes it.

Yesterday I asked The Husband why the bike was bouncing around all over the place. He said that the tires must be a wee bit low and that he would fill them up.

Until this point, RM would have the throttle full out and the baby could run faster then him. I was applauding myself on yet another example of great parenting. How can a bike, motorized or not be dangerous when a two year old can out run it?

And then the tires were filled.

It goes just a tad bit faster when there is air in the tires. I didn't realise this, and JJ didn't think to mention it to Rainbow Man. Off he goes down the street, pushing the throttle ALL the way down... all of a sudden** rainbow Man realises he has no control of the bike, and panics.

Ass over tea kettle - and the president has been shot - oh the humanity- this is a sad sad day in the history of man.

What you should learn form this :

Round things like air and will reward you with speed.

Polysporin and pirate band aids are a mom's best friend.

So are Popsicles. . . have I said that before?

*If it has wheels, All of my children, (the baby included) wear a helmet. And I don't give a rats ass if you think it is dorky! I like their brains just the way they are. Slimy and twisted!

**I really wish I had it on camera, because it was really awesome... uhm ..in a terrifying OMG that's MY kid flying through the air kinda way..

Oh, and here is a photo of Stupermans first Sunburn of the year. I say first because he is very very fair and tends to burn even when I DO remember the sunscreen.

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.....But the house is clean

Right Now I Am Eating Heavenly Hash Ice Cream.
A Very Big Bowl.
A Very Big Bowl Of Heavely Hash Ice Cream Covered In Hot Fudge.
Very Niiiice [Say it like Borat, dammit!]

I have been sitting here for an hour. I guess I have nothing else to say.

Tomorrows post, titled "Now We Are All Out Of Bandaids", Would have been tonights post, but I was too busy applying the bandaids to take photos.

My Bad.



Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Shelli tagged me. Well, not so much tagged as grabbed my right breast and squeezed in a purely sexual manner. 'Cus she's like that. Or maybe it's because I have bitching titties. Either way it felt good.

The Rules:
1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you. Include the state and country you’re in.
2. List out your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location (locally).
3. Tag 5 other people (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they’ve been tagged.

Heh. I guess I should warn you all that I am not very picky about where I eat. I like to eat at places that won't cost me an arm and a leg, and where the food tastes good. The following five are in no particular order. Becuase we rarely eat out, this may get tough...

1. Boston Pizza - I LOVE the Perogie Pizzaz. It's hot and spicy and sooooo good. Its a pizza, but the crust is a perogie and OMG. Heaven in a pan. Added bonus: I can never finish what I have ordered, and get to have it for lunch the next day.

2. Bonanza Steak House - I have never ordered a meal at this resturaunt. We go for the buffet. last time we went, they had the best chicken fingers. I wish I knew what type of breading they used, becuase it was out of this world. Plus, the make your ouw sundae? Pure genious!

3. McDonalds - I'm lovin' it! I really do love it. we don;t go to McDonalds for the kids, we go for me. I go alone, I drag BFF Kissy with me, I sometimes convince The Husband to take me there on date Night when he really wants a nice sit down dinner. I always - ALWAYS- order the Big mac Meal, and I never finish my fries.

4. My Mother In Laws - What? It said "5 favorite places to eat at your location" how much more local can you get than three houses down? I love eating with the In-Laws for a few reasons. One: She is a damn good cook, even if she doesn't know it. Two: she does not expect me to do dishes after, and does not make me feel guilty that I have gone for a smoke or spent twenty minutes stirring my after dinner coffee instead of drying plates. Three: I hate to cook, so any night I don;t have to is a great night for me! And Four: My Mother In Law, for all the issues I have with her, Is a great lady. She loves to please. She loves to cook what I love to eat. If she makes scalloped potaotes - which I love but Jittery Joe hates, - she will make him baked potato. Its all in the details people!

5. That Chinese place in the food court at the mall that I don't know the name of but do know it doesn't take debit and the chicken balls are amazing - I love chinese food. I love the little spare ribs and the sauces they are in. I love any type of rice with any type of stuf fin it ( minus seafood - eww) I love chicken balls and fortune cookies .. Sigh. Now I am hungry.

Previous players:
Nicole (Sydney, Australia)
Velverse (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
LB (San Giovanni in Marignano, Italy)
Selba (Jakarta, Indonesia)
Olivia (London, England)
ML (Utah, USA)
J (California, USA)
CuriosityKiller (Hong Kong, SAR)
Shelli (Minnesota, USA)
Bluepaintred(Saskatchewan, Canada)

Okie dokie. Rule number three is I have to Tag five people. I know who I would *like* to tag,
But I am not going to tag anyone today. Rejoice in your resturaunt Meme Freedom!

Oh who am I kidding??! You five are SO tagged!

Avitable - He loves food, and fine foods at that! (Yeah... Now I am just doin it to piss you off)
Monkee- What kind of food can you go out to eat when you live on an island.and just how big is her island anyway?
FlipFlop Momma- She loves all those organic and good for you thingys, what resturaunt(s) would she choose?
One Tall Momma- Because with her hawt new man and their steamy new romance, this is my chance to see if they have been eating out during their dates, without looking too rude..pun intended BTW.
And Squirrel becuase she up and left the interwebs for days and days and didn't bother to OK it with me first.

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This and That

Sunday, May 06, 2007

I have a very very bad memory so I write everything down in a calendar. Then each December when I get the next years calendar, month by month I go through it and write all the birthdays and anniversaries in it, adding a year to it so I don't forget.

But this weekend I found a very old calendar. From 2001. When I was pregnant with my boys I would write all the things the doctor told me about the baby in the calendar to remember it. Fundal height, heart rate, stuff like that. Oh, and my weight too.

In 2001, when I was five months pregnant with Blue Boy, I weighed 139 lbs. So I went over to the scale in the bathroom, and I did it people! I have lost one and a half babies' weight in the last two months. I am now 139 lbs. So Cool. I have lost 14 lbs in the past eight weeks.

All I have done is really lowered my bread and pasta intake and cut sugar and cream from my coffee. I want to get to 125. I will be getting back to DDR now that I don't have to worry about fainting when I move.

Today, still celebrating the fact I can move, we took the kids for a picnic at the park. The best part was when the little girl brought over her one week old pet duck for us to play with (I told JJ we need to get a pet duck, then we'd be set for Christmas dinner!) This little quack-er was seriously cute!

The worst part was the billion and three mosquitoes that flocked to the park three hours after we got there. Our options were leave or start up a portable blood transfusion site. We chose to leave.

I have a few questions for anyone who knows the answers:

1. In the name Washington D.C.; what does the D.C. stand for? This has been bugging The Husband and I for a While. I googled it, and I got six billion sites for he dead baby procedure, D&C.

2. How hard is it to train a puppy to pee out side? How long does it take? Anyone know a good book and or website that I can read?

Uhmmm. I think that's it! Hope you all had an excellent weekend!


Dear Spider-man; Spandex is a privilege, not a right.

I would like to point out that I do NOT have an inner ear infection, but some sort of imbalance in the naturally occurring liquids in one or more of the three inner ear canal thingys in my ear. Today, I took an antihistamine as soon as I woke up, and I already see a difference. Example: I saw a loonie on the ground, and I picked it up and did not faint when I tried to stand up. Can I get a hell Yea!?

While riding high on euphoria, and knowing that My mother in law was busy washing the last three days of dirty dishes and folding the last two weeks of piled up (clean) laundry, the husband and I decided to celebrate that I was not "sick" by eating salty popcorn laced in artery clogging cholesterol butter, drinking huge cups of watered down cola and eating impossible amounts of over priced candy.

We went to see Hot Fuzz.

We went to see Hot Fuzz the same night some other movie grossed 59 million dollars.

We went to see Hot Fuzz on the same night that Spider man 3 premiered.


'Cus, yes, we knew it was the first night, and we accepted that we would not be able to get tickets to see Spider Man, but that should not affect our ability to enjoy another movie at the theatres. Right?



What the hell possessed the 18 year old ..freak.. to raid his ten year old brother's closet and put on his nine-ninety-nine Spider Man Halloween costume and wear it in public.

With no underwear?

Oh who am I kidding? An additional ten layers of cotton would'nt have helped!

I can only assume that this boy does not have a single mirror in his residence. Also, that he did not pass by any reflective surface on the way to the theatre. Oh, and that all of his friends were blind.

At what point did I know that his choice of costume was a fashion disaster?

Was it when I could see proof that his peen went on the chopping block at two days old? Maybe it was when I could tell from one glance that he keeps his garden bare? Hey! Maybe it was the fact that that I knew his piercer had put his Prince Albert in crooked.

Yea. I think it was that one.

Oh also? Small penis? This is something you usually hide behind baggy pants, not something you proudly display with paint-on spandex.



In other boner related news, Dawg and his Pile of Dog Bones is asking to get his boner beat in exchange for an orange Popsicle...

Click the flashy linky doo-dad thingy:
(all very technical words, I assure you)


Ok, NOW it;s summer EDIT

Thursday, May 03, 2007

What with the thunder banging and booming and windows rattling and the lightning that's bright enough to make it day, I will be turning off the computer.

Sorry excuse for a blog post I know, but take heart, my Doctors Appointment is for three PM. I will update this post tomorrow with what's what. And I guess that will have to do considering the power is flickering.

Lets hope its on long enough for me to hit "publish".


Dude. Uhm Woah.

Lotta pretty comments waiting for my return.

- here is how it went:

The lady nurse put me in a room and said what's the problem today. I told her about the dizziness the hunger the dizziness and the tiredness and the dizziness. She waited till the moment my ass hit the chair and said oh! we better go prick your finger then.

Diabetes test. I scored a five point nine. I'm not sure what the top score I was going for, but the nurse lady said I did good. I did not get a sucker.

I had a nap while I waited for the Doctor to come in.

He listened to my neck arteries - which is not something I knew could be done. Did you know they have digital stethoscopes now? Cus he had one. He listened to my heart in the back and in the front, on top of my boobie and under it.

I had sweaty boob syndrome. Sorry Doc! You should have warned me I would have asked for a wet wipe!

He listened to my lungs and anything else you can think of. When he tried to check my ear I felt strangely compelled to apologise for the fact his left nut was being squished on my knee.

He checked my ..uhm.. something in my neck, and pushed all over my tummy.

He made me stand with my arms out and close my eyes, but he caught me when that made me tip over.

Then he made me lay down on the bed, put his hand under my back and made me sit up really fast and stared at my eyes.

apparently they did something wonky because it told him that I have an inner ear imbalance..something about my eyes being connected to my brain (headaches) and my ears (dizziness) and that I could have Valium if I want.

I said no. The whole i don;t like drugs thing, you understand..

He gave me samples of an antihistamine to see if it would help with the dizziness and told me that in 12 days when the samples are gone, if the dizziness has not gotten better, I am to call and he will phone in for an appointment with an ear nose throat dude.

I did not get a sucker. Or a sticker.

But. I'm OK. No diabetes, although he told me that he is going to ask Dr.P to run a complete blood work up and make me take that awful awful glucose test. I hate that fucking test.

I'm gonna have to study for it again.

In other news. Why didn't I update right away? Besides being an insensitive moron? The Husband took me out for dinner and a movie (Hot*Fuzz) to celebrate that I am not ill with something really really bad.

And to whet your appetite for tomorrow's post, It will be titled Dear Spider-man; Spandex is a privilege, not a right.

hugs kisses and ass gropes to you ALL!


Happy Birthday

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

On May second, nineteen fifty three, my daddy was born. So today he is, I dunno, ninety? I'm not so good with math...

The day my father was born, no one knew that he would grow up and do something amazing. Something miraculous. But you see, when he was twenty five years, four months and 16 days old, he had sex with a girl, and nine months later, I was born!!

So you see, without him and his wee swimmers I wouldn't be here. And quite frankly, I like being here!

So, daddy, thank you for being born, and also, for not using a condom!

Happy Birthday ;o)

We love you


The Walls are melting - EDIT

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Good news : Last night I though of a topic for an super great blog post. Well I think it will be super great, but you might not. And really, I don't care. Wait.. Did that sound rude? I don't want to sound rude, but i have to type super fast so I can go lay down. I wanna go nigh nigh.

When I have a bit more time, (read I can be online without worrying about tipping off my chair, Also when I can type with my eyes open because the letters flashing across the screen make me want to be very ill), I will sit down and write the post

Also I am not going to spell check this. Sorry Avi. Typing fast and no spell check. I am an evil bitch.

The Brother: he was picked up for drinking and driving ( yay cops! DD is a bad bad idea people, don't do it!) and released a few hours later. Haven;t been on the phone with anyone to know any other details. Will update if anything interesting, like say cavity searches, start happening.

The Spinning: At about four this afternoon i logged online. Staying off the computer did not help me with the dizziness at all, so i decided i was done with my "no computer experiment".

Dr.Google worried me, and I am calling my doctors office in the AM to try and get an appointment. Hoping to have one Friday afternoon, or early next week. Again, I will update after I call the Doc's office.

Dude I lied. I'm gonna go back and spell check. But im not italicising things in brackets nor adding capital letters. Use your fucking imagination!

Edit: Three PM on Friday May fourth. Two days away. i won't be able to see MY doctor, I have to see one of his partners, But it's the best I could do. Plus its a Friday Afternoon, So the Husband Can drive me in and I don;t have to wrry about getting dizzy while driving :o)