...If I hadn't gotten my tubes tied seven hundred and sixty seven glorious days ago. And she had a penis...
Because when that pesky husband type dude stopped in to check the mail he brought home a box.
It seemed to shine
from within. We were kinda freaked out to tell the truth....
The note inside said it was From Tug,
But I am rather doubtful. I mean would the Tug
we all know and love have enclose a note on such shocking
Grannies do NOT do that sort of thing. It MUST have been the mail man.
buuuttt.....On the off chance it Was Tug,
, I would like to tell you all a tale.
It's a very sad tale. Lots of crying and gnashing of teeth. You see, It all started one blustery morning when I was at Avitables
Blog. He was talking about an amazing thing
. A cookie that had surely been sent straight from heaven. Thats right. I'm talking about the Strawberry Milkshake Oreo Cookie.
Once we had discovered the existence of the Holy Grail of Cookiedom, The Husband and I immediately began our quest. A quest for justice, a quest to better mankind. A quest for the perfect dunkable snack.
Alas. We were not successful. We searched on rainy days and inventory stocking days, we searched high and low. We searched stores large and small, with nary a glimpse of our prey. We did not give up. We continued our search on the next scheduled grocery trip, but were again foiled.
Again we did not give up, We persevered, thou we were sore disenchanted.
In desperation We started interrogating every person who wore a smock. If they even had a hint of the "I work at Wal-mart"
look, we were on them like fleas on Fab. We had no shame. No fewer than three Blue Smocked infidels were tied to Bob The Builder Plush Chairs (ONLY29.99!)
They were beaten with whiffle bats and had blobs of Play Doh shoved in their noses. We made them listen to the singing Dora Doll for hours with no break. I'm ashamed to admit it, but we even raided the classics movie section for Barney tapes and made them watch..and sing along.
We were desperate! We had no choice! They were our last hope! Mankind's
Last hope. Surely you understand we had to do this!
Alas None had seen, and fewer had even heard of the amazing Oreo Of Strawberry milk-shaky goodness.
We had failed.
And then, Like a shining star breaking through the clouds, the She Mail Man Handed The Husband The Box.
And the celebration in the BPR household will go on for hours. Or at least until the last cookie has been dunked, sucked, twisted and swallowed.
Which is of course a lie. One Box of cookies was immediately and reverently placed in the freezer to be there In Case of Emergency. I just wish I had a glass box and a hammer...
And to document this monumental occasion, Pictures of the boys enjoying the only
cookie they will get. We opened the box in front of them, we very well had to share. But Never Again
The remaining box has been hidden in the dark recesses of the pantry, only to be removed upon proof of sleeping children.
Please make careful note of Stuperman watching how the boys twist open the cookie to suck out its delicious insides. After careful study, and one try at The Twist
, he gave up and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.
*You might have noticed a coffee cup and other sundries. Stay tuned for more stories of the Amazing BadAss Coffee Mug and his adventures In BPRland!
** Basically, what I am trying to say is that this is getting long, so the coffee portion has been separated from the cookie portion of this post.
*** although I must say, Cookies are well dunked in coffee or milk.
****I prefer coffee, but that, my friends, is a tale for another day.
Labels: I'm Important Too