Saturday, June 30, 2007

Oh Hai.
I Sleeped In Yur Chair

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Heh. I win!

Friday, June 29, 2007

He woke up at eight thirty. It's the day I've been waiting for all week.

Report Card Day.

He walks into the kitchen, still blurry from sleep.

"Oh honey! Thank God! We thought you were going to sleep forever! We were so worried!" I hug him close.

He asks, scratching his head.

"Sweetheart," I pause. "You've been asleep for two months. You have school today! You need to shower and eat and get going or you are going to be late!"

What? His eyes grow large. What do you mean? School is out. You said So!

"That was two months ago, you've been asleep for two months."

He looks around. The couches have been moved. But..what about camping? I had a dream..

"We took you with us. You slept the whole time! We even took you to the hospital to see if they could wake you up.."

His eyes are glistening. For a minute, I reconsider. Then I remember all the pranks he has ruined in the last month just by being old enough to know better.

"I'm sorry Rainbow Man, but you need to get in the shower and get ready for school."

He goes to the shower. Blue Boy wakes up. I quickly brief him on whats going on.

I'm pouring cheerios in a bowl when he returns. Blue Boy! What day is it?

Uhm? is it Tuesday? I don't know my days yet. I get to go to school now, and learn them.

I smirk. Perfection.

But mom! How can I sleep all summer? How? I would have starved! It's not school time. You're lying!

"Phone Nana." I say, " She'll tell you."

He calls. She asks him if he wants a ride to school. I am close to peeing myself.

Sandals on, hair combed, he reaches for the door handle. His shoulders are drooping, feet dragging, and his eyes are wet with tears.

"Oh, and Rainbow Man, When you get your report card, be sure to hurry home. We're going to the park today!"

He growls, then smiles, suddenly understanding.

This is the prank he has been watching for all week.

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Imb thick. I cat bweeth

Thursday, June 28, 2007

I needs a tissues!

Because Shelli and Marilyn love me and know I am on my deaths* door, they tagged me. As Usual, Shelli's hand lingered for an inappropriate length on my bum. But I liked it, so I can't really complain!

Here is the tag from Marilyn:

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

1.Freelance Cynic
2.Are We There Yet??
3.It's A Blog Eat Blog World
4.More Random Than Average

Next select five people to tag:

THEN answer the following Questions:

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Mourning my mother's death
graduating high school
moving in with my grandma
starting university
meeting my future husband

What were you doing 1 year ago?

here is a link to my June archives. I'm too sick to go through them. I'm at deaths door you know!

Five snacks you enjoy:
green peppers
sour cream and onion chips
potato skins with bacon and cheddar and LOTS of sour cream

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
99 loft balloons
Happy Birthday
Point Of Light
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
Amazing Grace

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
My husband
Go on a cruise
Take the kids to Disney land
Camp for a year
Build a house with a jacuzzi tub with plants and steps leading up to it and a window and little nooks for candles ... I could go on..

Five bad habits:
Biting my nails
My Husband
Sleeping in

Five things you like doing:
My Husband
Rubbing wet coffee beans all over my body
Going to coffee

Five things you would never wear again:
Maternity clothes
repeat X 4

Five favorite toys:

And then, Shelli said I rock. She did. Right here. I'm not lying, go and see.

And now, with snot trying to escape my nose, I get to point my germ covered finger at five of you and say "You Rock!"

1. Tug
3.Coffee Mom
5. I Believe

* by deaths door, I mean I have a cold. My nose is leaky and stuffed. WTF is with that? Can't it pick one or the fucking other? I probably won't actually die, but dam it! I'm gonna whine like a guy until it is decided!

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Oh Noes

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I got an E-Mail six days ago. Let me show it to you.


We recently have determined that different computers have logged onto your Online Banking account, and multiple password failures were present before the logons. We now need you to re-confirm your account information to us. If this is not completed by November 7, 2004, we will be forced to suspend your account indefinitely, as it may have been used for fraudulent purposes. We thank you for your cooperation in this manner.

Thank you for your patience in this matter.

Washington Mutual Customer Service

What bothers me so much is not the fact that someone has been accessing my account with a less than stellar password cracker, but that the Washington Mutual Customer Service Peeps have devised a way to go back into the past and delete an account I did not have until June of this year.

Technology these days!



Tuesday, June 26, 2007

I know its not yet ten, but it has been a very very long and tiring day.

I'm going to bed.


Come Hell or High Water, I Am going to make this.

I found it on this site. She left a comment on the post before this and I am afraid that when she checks her stats she wills see I have gone through roughly fifty pages of her archives. I swear, I am NOT a stalker! Ask anyone. Oh wait. Don't ask her or her or him or that guy over there in the hat. And for sure don't ask the naked dude! But anyone else, feel free to ask them!

I'm also storing this away for the next rainy day.

Night all.


Save Me, Oh Great Interwebs

Monday, June 25, 2007

Too dramatic?

I don't think one can ever be too dramatic. But I do have a problem.

We have an apartment sized deep freeze. I love it becuase I can buy more than two loaves of bread at a time, but I hate it becuase I am too short to reach into the bottom of it to get crap out, so, honestly, I know there is tons of shit down there freezer burnt and wasted.

Run on sentence much?

I want to buy an up right deep freezer. I want it more than I want coffee in the morning. I dream of it at night and doodle food placement maps for each shelf while I am on the phone. I've priced them out and caressed them lovingly at stores. It's OK, I've only dry humped one once. It was silver and shiny and taller than me. I got an instant hard on when I saw it.

Come to think about it, the husband hasn't let me go back to that particular store. I wonder why...

The problem is, My husband has started thinking for himself. The Nerve!

He mentioned that I was planning on buying one to some fucktard at work. The same fucktard who welded his wedding ring - You know that thing they are not allowed to wear at work? - yea that, to his finger. Would you trust his opinion on anything?

I didn't think so.

So The fucktard cyborg from work told my husband that upright deep freezers waste way more power than standard chest deep freezes. Apparently a chest deep freezer will work more efficiently when it is full of food, and since you cannot rearrange the shelves in an upright, you cannot fill them as full, it wastes power.

And then. Then the fuckborg told him to imagine opening the freezer on the fridge. Cus the food tends to attack your toes in those. Then multiply the toe attack by how many shelves?

Apparently neither the jerk from work nor my husband have paid any attention to my meticulous shelf planning, have they?


JitteryJoe asked me to put it to you guys.

Do any of you have uprights? Do you like them? Have you seen any problems regarding power and the stack-ability of food? Heard any horror stories from friends and family? Bottom line, I guess, If you had to buy a freezer all over again, would you choose an upright or a chest?

He doesn't want to shell out the money only to discover they are a piece of shit.

I guess that makes sense. I fucking hate it when he gets logical!


What a Day!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Today we held Stuperman's Third Birthday Party.

Here are some highlights.

He got awesome gifts which were immediately all given the name "MINE! DON'T TOUCH DAT!!1!"

Seconds after I stopped taping this:

He said "I will get it!" and grabbed the candle out of the cake. It had a pool of melted wax on its top and he spilled it along his neck and hand. He did NOT get burnt! Not even a red mark!

  • The candle, a number three, like the two and one before it, has been used on Stuperman's two older brother's cakes as well. I still have the number's one and two in my freezer and three will join them after it has been washed, even though there will be no more babies to use it. Maybe the kids wont mind using them when they are teens?? Should I save them for my grandkids? Do normal people save candles for something that may or may not happen in the next twenty to thirty years?

He got a set of Superman Motion Activated Gloves. Whenever he had them on his voice and posture changed. He would bend the "steel" bar that came with the set and pretend like it was really hard. His face looked like he was taking a crap and he would groan "I'm using my man muscles". I am planning on taping him tomorrow!

He went to bed with every gift he got. Each one had to have a pillow and a blanket. And a kiss. This was rather difficult to do. The finding of pillows not the kissing!

On another note, for those of you who blogline Paint! I'd like to apologize for the increase of posts. Fab tuned me into a new Paid Blogging company, Smorty. Sorry I'm such a blog whore. But think of it this way, Paid blogging bought me these today!

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note to self ; get title

Saturday, June 23, 2007

  • I bought new shoes today.
  • Because I accidentally left the house to go to a party without my shoes.
  • This is not the first time this has happened.
  • No, It wasn't on purpose.

  • We went to a birthday party today.
  • They have a little tiny puppy.
  • Stuperman loved the puppy.
  • We handed him a treat to give to the dog.
  • Some weird neon bacon thingy.
  • I turned to look at Stupe and realize we had not explained that the "treat" was for the puppy and not him.
  • Stuperman's gagging aside, it was the funniest thing I had seen in a long time.

  • My Step Mother Started a blog.
  • She used to leave me anonymous comments.
  • Except, she signed them.
  • She has only one post up, but it mentions me.
  • (That means you need to read it, becuase I'm important.)
  • I know I am becuase my post categories tells me so.

I am absolutely stunned and amazed at the amount raised so far For Dawg. Almost 2000 dollars.

Nothing can help Dawg get over his son's death, becuase, Honestly, can a parent get over the death of a child? They say that having a child is like living with your heart on the outside of your body. Hopefully, with the money the blogging community has raised, it will help him with the financial details that go hand in hand with a death. Maybe it can take some of the worry off his heart so he can devote it wholly to his grief.

If you have not left a comment of strength yet for Dawg, please do so here. And please, Donate.

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Leave the light on, please.

Friday, June 22, 2007

From the moment you see the pink stripe on your pregnancy test, there will never be another second you do not fear for your child life.

In the delivery room your heart Will stop as you wait to hear their first cry and the doctors words telling you that your baby is fine.

When they sleep, you will watch their chest rise and fall, and when they play your ears are tuned to their cry.

With you holding your hand, or away with a family member, fear for them never leaves your mind.

There is no greater nightmare for a parent than losing a child.

Please, go here, and help leave a light on for Dawg.

His parental nightmare came true. We can't help him chase the boogyman away, but lets help him by lighting his way back.

My heart is breaking for him.

UPDATE: If you want to help with more than comments;

We can't be there to hug him, and we can't be there to support him physically, but we can show how the blog world can come together and help someone who needs it.

Paypal has restrictions on allowing anyone to accept donations, so we can't take donations. However, in order to help Dawg with the situation, we are going to "sell" something that will give us revenue to send to him as a gift.

Click for more details.


Grandma's Boy

Thursday, June 21, 2007

I have an unfortunate habit of really really getting into movies.

If I watch a horror, I am scared of my own shadow. I jump and my heart pounds and I put a large knife under my pillow. If I watch funny movies, I get the giggles, everything is freaking hilarious. The dude playing Dawn Of Mana on the couch right now says when I am giggly its like I am high.

Here, I will show you:

Uh...Avitable? Please don't read this. I don't fix typos or really pay attention to keys at all when I am on chat. So uhm yea. If you do read it, don't bitch to me!

10:25 PM

Shelli: Hey, girly

me: ack
im here
but its hard to tpe
stupid Y

Shelli: why?

me: cus im laughing so hard im shaking
and i cant catch my breath
and i think theres both pee and snot going on here

Shelli: why are you laughing

me: cus we went for a smoke and we took the cat with us
to the garage'
and introduced her to bubbles
she is liek WTF mate?

Shelli: lol
i bet she loved them

me: omg nO
freaked her the fick out. we thingk she thinks she ishigh or soemthing
the jumping and screaming an d HISSSSSSSss claw run and hid in the bike
am I high?
can you get high from watching a movie? I think you can

Shelli: no
i don't think so

me: yes. yes i think you can. go ask the husband type dude you have
hes a copper he will know
wait you are in teh medical profession.
are my eyes dilatedright now>

Shelli: you can get high from smoking a cigarette when you haven't had one in awhile
no your eyes aren't dilated right now

me:how can you tell? i was blinking while ou looked

me: nope. nope its the mocvie

Shelli: Shannon, why are you smoking?!

me:cus i only lasted 91 hours of that particular hell
cus i suck ass
yup im a bad quitter. but only losers quit, right?

Shelli: there is a new drug that makes cigs taste bad

me: you are going to verbally spank me now, arent ou>
zyban makes me ill

Shelli: not zyban
char something

me: well hats helpful

Shelli: or something like that

me: my cat is still looking for bubbles from her hidey hole

Shelli: i will figure it out tomorrow and tell you what it is

me: its making me giggle
if I was wearing panties, it would bebetter

Shelli: my cat freaks out about laser pointers
she is weird

me: ROLF

Shelli: at you

me: gonna get my kitten stoned ont eh nip and shot lazers onto the bubbles
dont laugh at me, i have feelings, they are just covered int eh giggles right now

Shelli: she makes this weird noise that is a cross between meowing and hissing

tpe what

Shelli: what?

me: wanna be my blog post?

10:41 PM

Y'all feel free to go over and commiserate with Shelli over my horrid typos and general oddities.

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Say Cheese!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

....And in a completely unexpected turn of events, I had a not wonderful but also not a piss my pants in pain and fear experience at the dentist this afternoon.

But I had to walk to my appointment. The car is broken. BAD Car! Something to do with hey go buy brake pads, I will put them in for you. Oh look this drum is seized. BAD Drum! Why is a drum in the car and who seized it?

So the drum is two hundred bucks, or thirty five. Depends where we go. Or something. If it has nothing to do with chocolate or coffee, I tune it out, truth be told. And the brake pads set us back forty bucks. Oh, and I guess it wasn't the rock that caused all the noise (?) Whatever. Someone buy me a new car. A red one.

Basically, the (BAD!!) car betrayed me and made me walk and for that I will never forgive it. It was very hot. I thought I would be driving. I was not dressed for hot weather. My ass crack was all sweaty by the time I got there. Sweaty ass crack sucks ass.

After my dental appointment, I was in shock. There was very little pain becuase when I sucked in my breath and squeezed my eyes shut to avoid the flying blood, she was right there with her Que Tip of Love and its Magical Numbing Jizz.

She said I was addicted; I did not deny it.

When I got home, all I wanted was a nice hot cup of coffee, but when it finished brewing, I had to force myself to drink it. My teeth have NEVER been this clean. And White. White teeth! Not all stained with tar and coffee! White!1!! How could I think of defacing them this way?

Oh wait. She gave me a new blue toothbrush. Isn't that sort of like the morning-after pill for coffee drinkers.. .

Now I keep running my tongue over them loveing ly while I stare, open mouthed and drooling, in front of the mirror trying to figure out if its incest to have my teeth's baby.


I like my legs too.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Let me tell you a story. It's a second hand story. Blue Boy told it to me today.

This is my shark (points to the chalk board where, if you squint and pour liberal amounts of lemon juice in your eyes, you might be able to make out the shape of a shark.) I made it rainbow colored. Want to know why? Becaaaaause the corals in the ocean are all different colored. And fishies like to swim in the corals and so the shark needs to be all rainbow'd colored so he can be sneaking up for the fishies cus he wants to eat the fishies.

Peoples are happy when sharks are all rainbow'd color becuase when they are not rainbow'd colored they can't be sneaked up to eat the fishes and they have to eat the peoples and the peoples like to have legs that are not eaten.

I'm really going to miss him when he goes off to kindergarten.

Click it. Soak up all the little details. The shark has teeth. I am the farthest figure on the right. Make a note of the star fish.

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Fuzzy Wuzzy

Monday, June 18, 2007

UHG. My head is fuzzy with sleepies. My eyes keep crossing; I'm almost nauseous with it!

But I cant leave you with a BRB again, now can I? Lucky for me, my bud Shelli tagged me with a meme. And in an interesting twist, its a sleep meme!

(Before I hopped in the bath (where I promptly fell asleep) I had planned on talking about what a bad quitter I am and how amusing it is to eavesdrop on a dude who has never play scratch lotto before.)

I thought it would be fun to see what things other people do, while getting ready to sleep and/or while sleeping, that is a little odd. I picked the number 6 not because that was all I could come up with for myself, I think I could come up with many more, but because no one ever uses the number 6 for memes. It’s always 5 or 4 or 7, but never 6. What do people have against that number?

6 Weird things I do while getting ready to sleep or while sleeping:

1. I sleep naked becuase seams hurt me. If my sheet has a fold or twist in it under me I wake up with a bruise. Providing, of course, I was able to fall asleep while on it. I'm like that princess who slept on the pee pea.

2. I lay on my left side for almost half a minute. The second I get comfortable I turn over and face the opposite way. When I get comfortable that way, I turn again to lay on my back. After a few minutes, - less than five, - I turn back to my right and fall asleep. I'm like a dog turning in circles on the rug before falling asleep in front of the fire.

3. I cannot sleep with feet that are cold. Or hot. I often leave one foot swaddled in the blanket and one foot outside the blankets, preferably hanging off the edge of the bed. One foot in, one foot out, seems to result in the perfect temperature. I am like a lizard sunning on a rock with my tail in the water.

4. I fall asleep six nights out of seven within five minutes of my head hitting the pillow. If I am over tired, I have trouble sleeping. Even if I am wide awake, hearing the words NightNight coupled with my head on my pillow will send me off into dream land. I'm like a baby with a lullaby.

5. I sleep with a body pillow stretched across the head of the bed. On top of that is another pillow, one that has gone flat. I put my third pillow, a nice firm fluffy one, between my legs. If my knees lay on top of each other, the bone on bone action hurts me and I wake with a bruise. I need the pillow as padding. I'm like china - I need my bubble wrap.

6. When I dream, and I dream often and vividly, I wake myself up, and tell myself that the dream is over. I fall back asleep immediately and continue the dream right where it stopped when I woke up. Same dream. Every Time. All I can remember of it when I wake up is that it was horrible. I'm like Daytime TV; repetitive and crappy.

Now. There you have it. My complicate sleep habits. I could have gone on and on and on, but i really am tired, and I really do want to go to bed! The important thing is this: This is Shelli's first meme, and I happen to think this is a good one!

I am going to tag six people, BUT I would see at is as a personal favor if you did the meme without being tagged. At the very least, save the instructions in your drafts for a day you are lost for an Idea on what to post!

I tag:

Sheila (Trish... Tom ... - you do it too!)
Amy (do you even do tags?)

Don't forget to pimp this Meme out people! Lets make this sukah come alive!

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Im building an arc - edit 4

Sunday, June 17, 2007



{city name's} Fire Department responded to 30 calls due to the storm overnight. Incidents included motorists stranded in flooded cards, power lines downed by falling trees, electrical problems from flooding in homes and apartments and alarm systems were malfunctioning because of the moisture. Fire officials say there were not injuries directly related to the storm but damage was extensive.

The force of the water rushing through the storm sewer system was popping manhole covers off overnight.

Now I need animals of the two by two variety...



Yup OK then. In an attempt to NOT smoke, which may or may not be a losing battle today.may. might probably. fuck. whatever. here is another edit.

"Mommy. Someone tiny died"



Double Crap

The baby just learned how to open doors. That sucks. I guess it was to be expected, he will be three in nine days. but still.

that sucks.

also. guess what the "double" part of double crap is.. I suck


so the kids just dug up the back yard. as in oh wow when did we get a golden retriever who likes to dig or ohh! Who bout the bob cat? type holes.

i'm beyond pissed off



Saturday, June 16, 2007

We need to get two new tires on the car. It's not urgent, but we do need them before we go on vacation end of July. We had planned on getting them end of June.

On Thursday, driving home from the city after my Doctors appointment, I stopped at McDonalds to bring home dinner. Turning into the parking lot, I shut the radio off, and as the car slowed down I heard this nasty groaning-grinding noise.

It was coming from the back passenger side tire.

By Saturday, the noise was horrible. It was almost constant. Slowing down, turning, driving fast, we heard it. Now we didn't have to turn off the radio to hear the tire grinding. Now it was a bit more urgent we get the tires.

We decided that we would have to get the tire replaced immediately, and when the tire was off, the guys at the garage would be able to figure out the noise.

It was a beautiful afternoon here, and I gave Stuperman a frog shaped shower poof, a cup of liquid hand soap and a big bucket of water. I sent him outside to make bubbles.

He decided to wash the car instead.

When he was done I took the garden hose to the car to get the soap off. Black, oily dirt started to pour from the back passenger tire when I sprayed it so I called The husband out. He took off the hubcap for me so I could clean the tire better.

He also took out all the rocks Stuperman had shoved into it.

Sigh. Kids. . .

Pee Ess: I got through Day Two without smoking. It was harder than Day one for some reason..


Day One

Friday, June 15, 2007

For just a moment this morning, I thought, Just One More. Just one more say good bye. Then I remembered the x-ray of my lungs hanging up on his back-lit clipboard and picked up the box of Nicotine Patches.

It said in the instructions the patch needs to be on my upper body, which sucks, becuase I wanted it on my ass. I have an allergy to adhesives, (tape, glue, the non allergenic shit they use at the hospital), My skin melts away under it. The backing on the patch is no different, and I really wanted to avoid the scars.

But I want to quit more.

I put it on my left arm this morning, and will get JJ to put them on my upper back starting tomorrow.

It is 10:45 PM my time, and I have not had a smoke. This isn't to say I haven't wanted one. Or that I haven't done this half-lurch type move, where I go to get the smokes and stop as I remember - no more. Because I have. Lots.

I have tired time and time again to quit smoking, and with the exception of Zyban, I have never lasted a full day. Yay me! Actually I don't feel like celebrating. I will celebrate when my heart doesn't start beating out of my chest, and my hands stop shaking. When I stop reaching for a smoke. Whether that be a week, a month a year, I think that's when I will celebrate. One day? That's too soon.


In other news. I got a new purse! In December I bought myself a purse and wrapped it up and set it under the tree. To:Me; XOX:The Husband. He didn't get to see it until Christmas morning, But it was the best purse ever. I loved it. It was the perfect size, shape, color. Perfect everything. But then it broke it's strap - and my heart.

I had to get my old purse out of the closet becuase I just could not find one I loved as much as the old one. Until tonight, when I took the boys into the city, partly to get away from the house and the smokes (keeping busy really helps me*) and partly to return a gift I had bought for JJ and get a new one. Can't say what it was because every so often The Husband gets off his lazy ass and reads my blog.


Here is my old purse:
(Why yes, those are boobs)

And here is my new purse:

*Scrubbing all the floors in the house by hand only takes three hours, with the kids running around. I considered scrubbing the rocks int he front yard too, but then it started to rain...

Edited to add: Daddy NEVER let's us stop and "waste four bucks on that stupid thing!" Since Daddy was not with us, I became the cool parent who said yes. Click it to make it bigger!

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You Are Looking at the face of a moron

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Meet Tigger. Tigger, meet the Interwebs.

(Yes her nails are slut red. Why? Because it's damn cute, that's why!)

Tigger is not the smartest cat in the world. She has been known to get lost in the hallway. She has been know to jump into a closed windows. Hell. Today she tried to eat a ring pop!

This afternoon I watched her sitting at the window. She hissed and she cried, She paced and she twitched. There was a bird outside just a dumb as her.

You see, I'm not the best housekeeper in the world. The only time the windows get washed is when my father in law gets tired of the streaks made by the rain. But this bird. Maybe it was blind, maybe its mother forgot to flip it in time and he was burnt as an egg, But the bird was dumb.

Over and over it flew, smack! Bang! Into the window. After the first few times, it sat dazed and pooping over the little plastic table on the deck. Then it hop hip hopped over to the ledge of the window and tried to take off from there.

Not surprisingly, the window had not disappeared into a vaccum of nothingness. It was still there. Still dirty, and still just as solid.

So I put Tigger in her harness and clipped on her leash. No matter how dumb this bird was, the cat would be able to scare it away.

And I am sure she would have, had she not been distracted by her reflection and pounced that instead of the bird. As she lay shaking her head on the floor of the deck, the little bird hopped over and pecked her on the foot.

Bird 1; Tigger 0

Maybe the bird wasn't so stupid after all!

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It's Poke and Prod Time :o(

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

It's that time of year again.

Annual Physical. Why do I even need it? I go to the doctor for different things all the time. I have to have a pap every three months and my boobies poked every six, so thats basically a physical right there, right?

And blood work. I might have forgotten to actually go to the lab two years ago and get the blood drawn, but hey, I'm still here, so If I had It would have come back fine, right?


I know that no one really cares about the imminent exploration of my lady pocket, But just in case you were wondering, The Doc does warm up the Speculum before he inserts it.

Moving right along.

Stuperman found a flashlight in the toy box and immediately fell in love with it. I think they are starting a family becuase they spend a lot of time together under the covers. I'm OK with his plastic lover - for the most part, It's just... How many times do I have to put up with him racing up to me, shining it up my nose and demanding "Where were you on the fourth of the fly"

Yup. Well. I guess thats all.

Oh Wait. There is this:

Rainbow Man got three second place ribbons and one third at his school's track and field day. When I went to school, Our ribbons had numbers printed on them. Not that I placed in any of the track and field events... But still.
What a Rip Off.


Why Are Titles Needed Anyway?

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I'm in a happy mood today.

I woke up feeling refreshed - which rarely happens - and walked out of the bedroom to the smell of coffee brewing. Guess who remembered to turn on the coffee pot timer. Give ya one hint, - it wasn't me. And He doesn't drink coffee in the morning!

How DO people start their day without coffee, or tea, or something warm to drink? Because seriously, I sound like a frog on life support until after my first cuppa Java.

Speaking of life support, Since one of my goals in life is to live, I am going to try yet again to stop smoking. BFF Kissy tried the nicotine patch, step one (I think there are three steps?) but it made her ill so she just tossed the box aside. I asked her If I could have them, Cus I am all about being cheap, and she said yes!

This weeks' coffee night is Thursday, so I will - I dunno? Go to bed with one on? Put it on Friday AM? Whatever. My plan is to start not smoking on Friday. If it seems to be working, I am going to ignore the phone bill to pay for step two.

Uhm. Wait. My internet is on my phone bill, maybe I should ignore the power bill? Why else does the lap top have a battery?

I'm really kind of hopeful about this attempt. And the number one sign that shows it, is that I am blogging about it. In the past I have all but two attempts a secret, from everyone, including The Husband.

I tried Zyban quite a while ago, and it WORKED. After you start the pills, you have to smoke for ten or something days, and by the last day that I had to smoke, I was gagging and ill at the thought of going for the smoke. Unfortunately, the minute I stopped smoking on the pill, I got super, super ill and so I stopped the Zyban and started the smoking. My dad paid for the Zyban pills, so obviously, I told people about that attempt.

And then this past year, when Lynda helped me blog about my Moms death from Lung Cancer, I had decided to stop smoking on the tenth anniversary of her death. I told people I was trying to quit in the post on Lynda's blog, but not on mine.

That attempt didn't go to well.

This time, I feel..ready. I'm not sure how to explain. When I think about Friday and going a whole day without a smoke, I feel Excited as opposed to scared. It's like I am waiting in the line to a roller coaster. I'm tired of coughing and wondering. I'm tired of looking at my smoke wondering why am I doing this? Yet I still sit there, puffing away.

To bring this all back to the beginning, I said I am happy today, and a big part of that is realizing that the flitterflops in my tummy are from excitement, not fear. It feels really good to know that this time I am not just saying it, but am doing something about it.

I suppose I should say Wish Me Luck, but I don't think I will need it.


When Does the Churches Teach Acceptance? Tolerance? Love?

Monday, June 11, 2007

Sunday night. Six PM. I find out Rainbow Man is having a "dress like a Rock Star" day at school on Monday.

Shit, fuck and Oh Hell No!

It would not be that big of an issues except I forgot about every. single. other Dress Like a Blankety-Blank this year. So I was determined to have my son as rockstarish as possible.

I used Google Image, and soon realized that rock stars have weird hair, black clothes, tattoos, a cool guitar and drugs.

We dressed the kid in a black tank top and ripped black jeans. We let him pick from the box of 1200 temporary tattoos we have (thats no exaggeration, we buy them bulk at costco) He picked a funky ass blue spider for the shoulder of one arm and a skull and crossbones for the other. Neither tat was over 1.5 inches square. With a bit of cardboard box and paint, I made him a guitar. (See my coffee propping it up? Coffee makes everything good!)

Kid was set for a great day!


He came home a pretty damn happy kid. Showing off his new tattoos to the boys next door, letting them touch his guitar but not play it. (Has no strings. Apparently mommy forgot them. What does he think I am? A fucking miracle worker??!)

Of course the inevitable happened.

Rainbow Man came in crying becuase the mother of the boys next door dragged her kids away from my "bad influence" of a child. Later, one of the boys snuck over and told RM that since he has tattoos and a rock guitar and listens to rocking-roller music, he is not a good person and - surprise surprise - is going to Hell!

I tried to explain that some people are just closed minded and that his tattoos are temporary and do not make him bad. After all. I have tattoos, Am I bad? Is daddy? And the music. What does music matter, as long as you have love, not hate inside of you?

Fuck them.

I hate that his sweet ass day at school, his pride in himself - and yes - his momma, was ruined by some overly preachy bible up their ass brats.

oh. and

Painting: Stage one is complete.

Unfortunately there is burgundy paint on walls, roof, window trim, floorboard and uh.. a wee bit on the carpet.

But thats ok! I can fix it!

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Weekend Round-Up

Sunday, June 10, 2007

As the days get longer and the weather nicer, I have noticed we are doing much too much for me to find time to post on the weekends.

Right now The husband has corralled the children into the living room to watch Hell Boy. It's a good movie, but not one of my favorites, so I figured this was a good time to post.

BRB gotta go potty.

vffv,vf,,vf,lfvl, l ltrtoltr4rktll l;rtt ltg ktltl;rglkrgtktr ktrkrtktrkrtktrrrr krt krk trkttkrrkrtkrktcbbbb_____bm./;g;frirdikedfjurfoiesiaslspl

According to Blue Boy, Who typed that while I was in the washroom, It says Blue Boy Rules and mommy drools. I erased the part where he typed his name.

I can accept this, as my pillow is always soaked in the morning when I wake up, but I do NOT drool during the day. Unless I am napping. Then I do.

Fathers Day is coming up really quick, I am taking suggestions on what to get/do for the husband this year... He made sure I had an AWESOME mothers day, I'd like to return the favor.
Also, the last three Father's days I sort of forgot they existed and was a total bitch and slept in while he got up and dealt with the kids.


New photos up in the Photo Blawg



Friday, June 08, 2007

Kindergarten Orientation went ... cutely.

Blue Boy picked his own clothes out for the day, and I let him wear them. His loud Hawaiian shirt caused a few looks and a few giggles.

In the morning, by the time I put my shoes on, and they were slip on shoes, Blue Boy had left the house and gotten all the way to the corner. I wish I had video taped the way he walked.

His little arms were straight down his side, fingers splayed and he ran towards the school. When I caught up with him I told him he could not run, so he walked as fast as humanly possible.

My legs were sore by the time we got there.

He did not need his momma. No tears, no hesitation. The teacher introduced herself and he hugged her and said I can't read yet. When do we read?

Super cute.

It was a very good experience for him. I think, come September, that he will have no problems when I drop him off on his first day of school. Come to think of it, It wasn't Rainbow Man who had issues on his first day of school either, it was me...

When we got home I found out that my mother-in-law had taken the Babies' to her house to play. We went to pick them up and I found out she had walked Stuperman over in just his underwear. No shoes. Nothing. Just a pair of Franklin gitch.

I felt very uncomfortable on the walk home with him. Thank goodness no one was around.

In the afternoon, Stupe brought me a water gun, and I decided that from now on, I will drink my coffee VIA gun. It's just more fun that way.

My Sister-in-law is coming over tonight. I wonder how much beer it would take to get her drunk and make her do a little BPR drunkenblawgin...

Or better yet, get her drunk and make her DDR while I video tape.


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Ehn! So! Meh!

Thursday, June 07, 2007

So. Painting sucks. Some dude in underwear told me that it is supposed to dry streaky and the next coat would fix everything.

I don't believe him, but he does have a damn fine ass.

So. Tomorrow will be a pretty exciting day for me. Or, uhm Today? This morning?

Shit uhm. Friday the eighth between nine thirty and noon will be an exciting time for me.

Blue Boy has Kindergarten Orientation tomorrow!! We are gonna have story time! And crafts! And see the classroom! Meet the teachers! Juice! Cookies! Eating paste!

So. The Paris Hilton thing alternately pissed me off and then made my day. And ponies with shoes are fucking cute. And I want this. Send Money. Or coffee. OK. Just drink some, and think of me.

I hafta go to bed now because we have to be up at o-dark-thirty. Mornings are a crime against nature.

Pee ess: Make Her STOP!

(if you cannot see the video, go here)


I Don't Envy You

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

I am sick and tired of listening to people whine about how hard it is to be a stay at home mom.

Last night the TV was turned to a talk show. I can't recall the name, but the host was a cross between Doctor Phil and Jerry Springer.

And he had a mullet. Who in their right mind takes advice from a dude with a mullet?

This lady was crying - actually crying - about how hard her life is. All day long she is feeding and playing and bathing kids, then when she gets home she only has a few hours to herself before bed!

OMG that poor poor thing! Does she think he husband is off at the office playing with his Wii all day? Nope. He had to get up, get dressed, drive to work and actually work for eight or more hours.

Then tonight while at coffee with BFF Kissy, I was laughing and making fun of her and another guy because they have to work, and working sucks! Kissy said that I Did have a job; I'm a mom.

WTF? I must be doing this stay at home mom thing wrong, because to me, it's all one big vacation.

I don't have to change out of my pajamas until I feel like it. I have been known to put them on int the morning (I sleep nekked) And wear them until I take them off to have a bath at night.

I watch cartoons and read. I play online. I get to kiss owies and get told "mommy I like your hair" when it looks like a bird on acid's nest.

I make lunch, but not breakfast, because my kids make their own. If it's nice outside, I sit in my comfy chair with a carafe of coffee, smokes and my laptop/book.

Some days I suntan all afternoon.

I do not work. I play all day long. Should I cry that I have to say "stop riding your brother" sixteen times a day? Should I pout about how I get to have afternoon naps? Maybe I should be upset because I get to walk to the park and play with the lady bugs there because the ones in the back yard are all broken?

I have a dishwasher, and floors that are easy to sweep. My kids pick up their own clothes, and they think it's fun to load the washer and take the dry clothes out of the dryer. My five year old is pretty good at folding too.

The thought of me ever getting a job fills me with terror. Getting up every morning and having to get dressed AND leave the house? Not being able to do What I want When I want? Having set times for coffee!?! Screw that!

I have it easy. It's you I feel sorry for...


Oops! My bad

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

I got a phone call from the school shortly after nine this morning. The teacher asked me if I would be able to come by the school as quick as possible. Seems they were having a problem with Rainbow Man.

She didn't sound too worried, but a phone call from the school? They don't ask you to come in just to shoot the shit now, do they?

Of course I said I would be right down. And in fact this could not have happened on a better day. I had the car because I was to take Blue Boy for his Physical in the afternoon. A quick call to the mother in law to come and watch the kids and I was in the car and driving.

Don't worry. I noticed before I got off the street that I was still in my house coat.

When I got to the school, I used the side door that leads straight to RM's classroom. When the kids saw me, several of the girls started giggling, the boys started blushing and the teacher outright laughed.

He's in the office she said.

I headed down the hall, surreptitiously checking that my buttons were buttoned and my zippers zipped. (they were)

When I got to the office, RM was sitting in a desk, his hands clenched, face streaked with tears. He was redder in the face then I had EVER seen him.

I got down on my knees to look him in the face. Are you hurt? I asked.

Instantly the tears started again, and his clenched fists waved in front of me. I couldn't understand what he was saying through the tears.

I looked over at the secretary who was trying to hide a smile behind a folder. What?" I mouthed.

She pointed at RM and pantomimed opening her hands.

When you are a boy, who has just begun to notice that girls are not just boys in cute shoes, static cling sucks.

One of the girls had noticed something sticking out of the back of Rainbow Man's shirt. She kindly removed it and handed it to him, but not before all the kids in his class got a good look at his momma's panties.

My bad.


Right now, Wallpaper sounds good...

Monday, June 04, 2007

I have had a fucking fiasco of a weekend. I am sure it will be funny in a week or never. But right now, nasomush

Here is a small taste of my mood, should anyone over the age of eighteen be reading:

Fucking paint. I hate you paint. I'm never painting again.... until tomorrow night when we will try YET afuckingain to make you go on the wall like you are supposed to! I hate Stupid people giving us stupid advice that is so fucking wrong!! We are shit for brain retards for listening to the MIL in the first freaking place. Shoot me. Please.. . Please?

I need a hug