Tuesday, July 31, 2007

This post has no title unless you count this as a title in which case the "Might be a Title" makes no sense and you would be better off not paying any Attention to it at all.

It was Tuesday today, and in particular, Tuesday, July 31st, the day that 300 finally comes out on DVD in stores. The Husband and I spent this Tuesday watching the glorious epic movie about warrior sausage encased in leather, and debated whether or not his parents would like to come over one evening in the near future, and watch it with us.

I mean honestly, what, besides the God King, the extremely sensual sex scenes and the severed body parts could a hyper religious couple have against it? Just becuase they think The Simpsons are a product of Satan's spawn does not mean they would disprove of 300.


(Someone needs to talk some sense into my husband - I nominate you)


And Life Continues

Monday, July 30, 2007

Let me begin my recount of our vacation disaster by saying this:

For almost two months we talked to the boys every day about our trip. We talked about the pool, the water slide, roasting marshmallows and seeing the stars. We took out pictures of previous trips and discussed how Blue Boy's first trip took place when he was five weeks old.

Once a year, my husbands company has a two week shut down for maintenance on the building and other such things, and each year we take that time to go camping somewhere, even if it is for only a night.

The children look forward to having mom and dad be un-distracted by game systems and the internet, And we look forward to a relaxing few days with just the kids and nothing else.

Some of you have said that camping is no vacation, but to us, If we were given the choice of camping under the stars and going to bed with dirty,dusty feet and bellies full of marshmallows or a five star resort, we would pick camping with no hesitation.

Seeing my boys faces when we had to tell them we had to pack up and leave, watching Rainbow Man's lip quiver as he tried to hold in tears. Hearing him apologize to me that the camping trip was a bust over and over again, becuase he knew we were looking so forward to it, it broke my freaking heart.

Reading yesterdays comments made me realize there are way worse things that can happen then what we dealt with, but I am still upset and I won't apologize for it to anyone.

I don't care if some of you decide to email me and accuse me of being melodramatic and blowing things out of proportion. To US, it IS a big deal.

Stuff that in your pipe and smoke it!

Thursday night we went to the city and picked up BFF Kissy and her trailer. Friday, The husband started work at fiveAM and Kissy and I packed the gear. The boys are hyper excited.

Finally, after such a long long wait, we were going.

We missed our turn off and The husband and Kissy had a great time laughing and threatening me with Valium. I'm not a very good passenger! When we finally realized we were going the wrong way, we had added a full hour to our trip and ended up at the Park Gates at about four thirty. Life was good.

And then the car stalled and would not start.

Temperatures ranged in the 100f mark, and all of the water and what-not was buried in the trunk of the car. The kids were very hot, over-excited and very hot. It was also very hot.

We assumed that the car overheated, and let it rest for ten minutes that turned into almost an hour. Have I mentioned that the car was hot?

It took us another hour to go the two miles from the gate to the park office where you pay for the site. We had to stop quite a few times to let the car cool.

During all of this time, we watched person after person pass us and get their site. By the time we arrived, all of the electric, and non electric sites were full.

No matter. Last time we were here, Overflow was the same as a non electric site, minus the trees for privacy.

Unfortunately, The Provincial park had change things since we had been there last.

Over flow was now a large field beside a swamp. No fire pits, no picnic tables, no washrooms, nothing.

So there we sit, a car we cannot trust, it's hotter than hades outside, and we don't know what to do. We are also a little confused. Why would they put us in overflow when twenty feet to our left is whats called group camping. Its a big field, just like over flow, but each site has a fire pit. And it's empty.

With out the fire, you have no food and you have no heat. You have no reason to sit up with sleepy eyed children on your knee talking about anything and everything. Camping and fire go hand in hand.

We sat there, unsure of what to do, and finally decided we should set up the tent and trailer. Make the best of it, though God only knows how we are going to feed the kids.

And thats when the little park worker drove up in her golf cart and invited the family next to us (the only other people in overflow) to move to the group camping site. She stops by us, and we were expecting her to tell us the same thing, instead, she asks how we are (fucking DUH - Horrible!) We asked if we could move like the other family and she told us that they are not allowed to let people move.

When we said but you just let them, she looked blank and said, "but I can't let people move to group camping, its the rules".

So. Now we are mad, but what can we do right? We continue to set up camp talking about how we are going to get the trailer and BFF Kissy home by Sunday - she had to be back at work for Monday.

We can't pull the trailer with the car and risk being stuck on the side of the highway in the heat. We ended up calling around, and got a hold of BFF Kissy's mom. Only, the only night she was able to pick up the trailer was that night.

Decision time. Do we stay or do we go? Leaving then means the kids are upset, but if we stay, how do we feed them? Sure we packed snacks, but I was not going to let the children eat chips for three days! Also. If we leave now, we have someone to follow us home so we don't have to worry about three kids in a hot car and a deserted highway.

Stay and no food and no safe way home. Or leave.

We chose to leave.


Home Sweet Home

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Ahh. It's good to be home.. although.. something smells like pee in here. Seems to be coming from the directions of the sinks.. but that can't be right... Can it?

Alright. Fine. I have a confession to make.

We left Friday afternoon on our Camping extravaganza and arrived home That Same Damn Friday night; boys in tears (I was too).

I opened my front door and saw Fab doing things to my poor little vacuum cleaner. I thought it best just to leave and stay at a motel until he was done his "house-sitting".

I can't talk to about our vacation publicly until I have contacted..someone in charge. It's a government owned park, so I assume I will end up taking it to that level. Or beyond.

We had some.. mishaps on our vacation.

Basically it was The.Worst.Vacation.Ever.

Or was it?

Tell me about your worst vacation ever!

Never know. It might just make me feel better about this whole fiasco!


Man, I am having a BLAST!

Fab here again. Living large in the Great White North.

You know what's great about housesitting? Having the freedom to pee in the sink. I love that. I've peed in the bathroom sinks and the kitchen sink and the sink in the laundry room..although that may have been the dryer, I'm not sure.

And late last night I may have been a little confused and groggy and peed in the lettuce crisper. I'm kinda afraid to look.

I've torn this place apart looking for stashes of money, and I found a few, but it's all Canadian money. What am I supposed to do with this? Phht.

There might be a few more pubic hairs on the soap than there were before I got here, but they probably won't notice that. They might notice the pubic hair on the TV remote and the toaster, though.

Don't ask.

Have you ever tried to suck yourself off with the vacuum? That was sooo much fun! I yanked my johnson out of there just in time to spew love juice all over the couch. I'm sure that will come right out.

Ha! Come right out! Get it? Come...oh never mind.

I think I like housesitting. It's very relaxing. I hope to do more of it. I hope Blue will give me a good reference.

Well, I gotta go. The family will be home tonight, and I need to make sure I rub my nethers over everything in the house before they arrive. Hey, it takes longer than you might think.

So...when do I get to housesit for YOU?

Housesitting for Blue...

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Mr. Fab here.

I hope you guys can read this. I have never guest posted on a Canadian blog. I don't know how to read or write Canadian. I can only hope that there is some sort of translation plug-in installed here that is automatically changing the American words to Canadian.

Jesus, this place is a mess. She sure doesn't clean much, does she? And all these dead baby seal carcasses are really starting to stink. And what is this on the walls? Jelly? I think it's grape jelly. How does grape jelly get on the walls? Is that a Canadian thing?

Am I going to have to learn the metric system now? I don't like hockey. Am I going to have to watch a lot of hockey?

Hold on a minute. Ahhh...yes. This is what I've been looking for. Mmmm....Blue's underwear drawer. Mmmm....her panties smell divine. Hopefully there are still some dirty ones waiting for the laundry. I'll take a few of those babies home with me.

Shhh...don't tell her.

Maybe I should masturbate into a few of her clean pairs and put them back for her to find. After all, she did tell me to just be myself over here and not do anything different.

Damn, I need to remember to get the decaffeinated coffee out of the car. I'm going to dump out all her regular coffee and pour in the unleaded stuff. Thing should get pretty interesting here when she returns.

I wonder which side of the bed she sleeps on. Oh wait, I can tell. It's the one with all the sweat stains on the sheets and the drool spots on the pillow. Hmm...it's stinkier on her side of the bed, too. I don't even want to know why.

What do we have in the nightstand here? Ah, a vibrator with the word "Fab" written on it with magic marker. Well, who can blame the poor girl for fantasizing about me? Ooh, and a butt plug with "Avitable" written on it. Well, it wouldn't be the first time Avi and I nailed the same chick.

I guess for now I'll curl up in their bed and take a nap. I'll sleep on the hubby's side. No stains over here. Well, not yet. I'm a bedwetter.

I'll be back tomorrow. I'll let you know what else I find here.

What age do I tell him about the birds and the bees?

Thursday, July 26, 2007

And can I just show him this?

Don't forget to check back for the guest posts that My Super Special Surprise Guest Poster will be tossing up while I am off in the wild blue yonder drinking disgusting bush coffee! (and eating marshmallows!!)

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I have marshmallows - and I am not sharing!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Wow. I just had the bestest night ever.

In case you don't read my other blogs, I guess now is the time to tell you I am leaving. But only for two days. Don't worry, I have someone super special coming to do guest posts for those nights!

See, on Friday, me the Husband, the brats and best of all, BFF Kissy, are going camping. I love camping.


Me and Kissy got together tonight to do some last minute shopping and of course, to drink some coffee - Cus coffee rocks.

Have I mentioned yet that I will be without coffee while we are camping? We were unable to get an electrified campsite, so the coffee pot has to stay at home.

This saddens and distresses me.

(hint: It should also sadden and distress you)

Oh. And since I'm such an awesome mom, I neglected to ensure they had enough water yesterday and two out of three were puking all morning! Yay me!

But . . . What's a little puke anyway? Look at how much fun we had!



Any ideas how to cool off my laptop?

I know they are supposed to heat up somewhat.

But it hurts my fingers to type on them too long.

From said Heat.

Is it just that it has been so damn hot lately?

Gotta go.


It's just too damn hot to have this thing turned on!


Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Happy Birthday Shelli!

When you ask a Stupid question...

Monday, July 23, 2007

I asked The Husband if he would start taking pictures of me every now and then. I keep noticing that there are none of me becuase I am always at the other end of the camera.

He readily obliged.

It was at that point I should have gotten suspicious. After sorting through and deleting all of the Thousands of upskirt photos, I was left with just these two. I decided to show them becuase the world needed just a bit more T&A:

If you want more photos of this weekend, head to the Photo Blawg. And don't forget to check out Where Was I!

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Miss Me?

Sunday, July 22, 2007

OR did you even notice I was gone?

What an extremely busy weekend. I cannot even say if it was fun or not yet! I haven;t been able to unwind for five seconds.

Well I guess I am now, but this is the first time I have been able to sit still for a minute! See. My husbands sisters all hate me, and they decided that becuase I have been waiting for ten years to find out What happens to Harry, they should all come down and visit. So I got my book, and read the first bit, maybe two hundred pages and then I had to spend the whole day sipping coffee in an air conditioned house and eating excellent food.

Now you see why I don't know if it was fun? I finally got to finish the book. I had to read it after everyone had gone to bed. Don;t ask me what happens, I won't tell.

Tomorrow we are supposed to get temperatures in the 120 range. This is OK for me, I will be back in the air conditioned house with the coffee sipping sisters an the great food, so I won't feel it.

Feel free to feel bad for The Husband. He's a welder and it's too hot on cool days for him. He is pretty prone to heat exhaustion, and heat stroke, so I hope he has lots of chances to have a great big drink of ice cold anything!

I know that this is a rather disjointed post, but you have to understand how tired and hot and sticky I am . I want nothing more than to hide in a cold shower with a fudgesicle and a cup of coffee!

There is a new post up at Rainbow Mans Blawg. I typed it as he dictated it. (be prepared for run on sentances)

Also. 513 new feeds in bloglines? WTF people. I leave for a day or two and you all decided to explode with information???

It's going to be a long long night



Friday, July 20, 2007

Waiting in line for this:
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Leave a message at the beep!

Heh. guess who was first in line and will not discuss an pushing and shoving that may or may not have occurred to protect her spot in line.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

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Oh Hell Yeah!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Right now I am listening to the Hackers sound track. Shaddup! One of our kids was named after the main character. And no. His given name isn't Zero Cool.

Yes. My new iPod came in the mail today! We hooked it up and started it charging and then took off to a most splendid back yard Birthday Party! The little girl I babysit turns three on the 23rd, but her parents were going out of town, so the party was today.

I have only one regret and that was not bringing my camera. See, they have a pool, a big-ish pool. About two feel deep, but the kids fell in love immediately. I'm pretty sure I saw my son kissing it. When it was time to go I got the two older boys out easy enough. They asked Why and I said 'cus I'm the mom I get to make the rules.

Blue boy got out muttering something about how when he is the mom kids will get to play foooor-evher!

Stuperman though. He's quite the card. He knew I wasn't going in the pool becuase I had repeatedly asked them to stop splashing me immediately, so help me god!

I asked the little bugger to get out and he moved to the other side of the pool. I walked around and he moved again. He started giggling "you cant get me! Come get me!" We circled the pool a few times before he realized that if he just plunked his wet little butt in the middle of the pool, he was safe.

It's OK. I got him. Moms always win. Even if they have to get wet to do it!


Don't forget to click this sweet ass little link and favorite me in Technorati!

Bonus! Anyone who links to http://where-was-i.com in a post AND sends me their address will get a little somethin'somethin' in the mail!


Like! Oh my Gawd!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Has everyone seen the photos of Paris Hilton floating around the net today? The ones where she and her dog are both dressed up in leopard print ... articles of uhm. Well you can't call it clothing..

Anyway. Is this proof that people end up with pets who look like their owners? Because while Tigger doesn't look like any of us, thanks to the miracle of razors, some days she acts just like me.

At her last veterinary appointment, we were told she was overweight. We tried to argue that she was just big boned, but the Doc wasn't buying it. Too bad... I had a bridge to sell...

When we got home, still disgusted with the Quack* of a doctor we had seen, we started to notice that Tigger was now unable to hop up to the bed. Or the couch. or uhm. Her feet.

I was OK with it becuase her dragging belly meant that there was no longer any need for me to sweep.

Regardless, The Husband decided it was time to cut off the all you can eat kibble buffet.

We switched to feeding her the stinky wet stuff at twelve and twelve.

At about eleven, both AM and PM, Tigger starts crying and pacing and biting our ankles. I'm pretty sure she thinks she is going to starve to death if we didn't drop whatever the hell we insignificant humans might be doing and feed her dammit! By the time each 12:00 shows up on the clock I am ready to tape her mouth shut.

I laughed So. Hard. today at noon, when she ran full tilt into the pantry door as I tried to get it open to feed her. She tried to pretend nothing had happened by turning her back to me and licking her ass, But I saw. I SAW YOU TIGGER! You are a disgrace to the cat family. Always land on their feet my ass!

But I am pretty sure she was laughing at me just now when I smashed my nose bloody opening the fridge just now in search of chocolate.

Don't worry. I found the chocolate.


A few things

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

  • Hey look! I'm alive!

  • My granny told me she has some sort of mystery gift for me. A gift that causes people to giggle when they speak of it. But she won't tell me what it is nor will she give out hints. She said I have to come out and get it.

And I will, but the earliest I can make it is The beginning of August.

Anyone want to tell me what it is or at least throw me a hint?

  • Guess What! I'm turning into a worse Paid Blogging Whore than even Fab! I started a new blog for PPP, becuase I can get better money with my own domain. If y'all wanna link the shit out of http://where-was-i.com/ I'd really appreciate it. Also. If you know of places I should be joining to get a better page rank, can you tell me that too?
We just took the garbage out to the back alley. I help carry it as far as the first back gate, then I refuse to go any further because while the big hairy spiders hide in the fence during the heat of the day, they are all out at night and I cannot bring myself to pass by them.

I laughed when the husband walked face first into a huge web though.

On the way back into the house I noticed that while the neighbors have no lights on in the house and are obviously fast asleep in their little beds, they front door is gaping wiiiide open. I'm not worried about them being robbed, the chances of this happening in our little town are minuscule. What worries me is that they have a baby girl, about 18 months old. What if she sleeps with her door open and wakes up before mom and dad and goes outside?

What if something happens to her?

But my neighbors are mean bastards. The not only let their boys be mean to mine, they teach them too. I have tired repeatedly to talk to the mom, but due to the fact I wear pants, cut my hair, have tattoos, etc., she pretends she doesn't hear a word I say.

I can't just walk over and shut their door. If they caught me they would freak. They are totally the type to call the cops on me for trespassing.

I'm between a rock and a hard place.


Bring your own cheese

Monday, July 16, 2007

Because it's bitch and wine whine day!

There is a spot on my left tit that burns. I swear to god someone is sticking about thirty needles in, twisting them and pulling them back out only to do it again! Walking through Wal-mart I kept finding my hand on my boob pushing against it to make.it.stop.!

Doesn't work. Fucker burns!

Also! Burning! My feet. Why? I don't stand on them all day. I don't wear heavy socks. I hate it. they are so hot. they feel swollen, but don't look it. When I wake in the morning they are so swollen feeling (and yet not looking!) that I can't feel them for the first half hour of the day. And then? Fine. Till eight or nine at night. Stupid feet. Hand me that saw!

Hate.The.Burning! I'm not one of those chicks who dig pain.

I'm going to take four or five extra strength Tylenol, have a cold bath, come out take four or five Advil and go to bed.

*before you get to worried, I take so many painkillers everyday that this has become my normal amount. I amnot going too, nor will I overdose.



Fun For All ages!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

The other night the husband and I took in the midnight showing of Disturbia. It was really good, but that isn't the point.

The point of this post is to bring up something that, while it hasn't been bothering me, it has crossed my mind more than once. And since I thought of it, It's obviously important enough to share with all of you. Just think how bland and boring life would be without me.

(Or how bland and boring I would be without coffee)

As a blogger, When you are out in public, do you find yourself watching people closer, you know, for future use in blogs even though all names and places and events that happen within The Blog are purely of the writers imagination and in no way connected to the retard in front of me at MacDonald's, AND do you find your self doing silly things just in case some poor sot has nothing to write about and you want to be their subject?

I do.

I did not behave at the movie.


Saturday, July 14, 2007

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I could be dead.

Friday, July 13, 2007

A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories per serving.
I enjoy two servings a night, and sometimes more on weekends.
I consume 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week.
That equals one pound of weight.


In the last three and a half years,
I have had a chocolate caloric intake of about 180 lbs.
And I only weigh about 140 pounds.
Without chocolate,
I would have wasted away to nothingness about three months ago

I owe my life to chocolate.

*if you are interested, I am putting a photo of me up in the Photo Blawg. It sort of somewhat shows how long my hair was. But really. Its twice as long when it is wet. I hate curls!

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Locks Of Love

Thursday, July 12, 2007

There is a program out there called Locks of Love. They take hair that people get chopped off, and make wigs for cancer patients. And I assume, other patients who for some medical reason or another cannot grow their hair.

I knew my hair was longish, at least when it was wet, becuase it fell past my shoulder blades. However, due to my extreme laziness and un-girlyness, I had not had a hair cut in .. oh bout two or three years.

So naturally, the ends of my hair were split fired and frizzy. In a word, it was gross. I like two types of hair. Long or short. No in between for me at all. So, rather than get it trimmed, I got it cut!

Imagine my excitement when the lady at the salon asked if I wanted to donate my hair to locks of love! I mean, this is a small town. Five thousand or so people. I have been growing and chopping my hair now for eight years, and never once did the salon chicks in the city ever ask if I wanted to donate my hair. I simply assumed that here in Saskatchewan, we didn't do that.

And yes, knowing that my hair, which is thick and curly, is going to make some man woman or child a wig, makes me feel GOOOOOD. Normally I go to the Magicuts in Zellers and pay eight bucks to let them chop willy-nilly, but today I went to the OMG a real salon and paid OMG 38.50 for a hair cut! All in all, the Locks of Love thing? That SO makes it worth the extra thirty bucks.

In any event, I think that on the 25th when I go back to the salon to get streaks* put in, I will be well on my way to becoming a girly-girl. But I'm still not wearing make-up!

Rainbow Man took this photo. If you want to see the ones JitteryJoe took, You can go to the Picture Blawg~ But I thought this was a great angle! IGNORE the freckles. I assume someday I will out grow them!

*Both the salon lady and my husband think streaks will look good and it is worth the cash to get them. Honestly? I could care less, but I made the appointment anyway. I hope I can get pink. Or blue.

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Tigger made it on to Stuff On My Cat again!



Wednesday, July 11, 2007

FIRST! A few things about the contest. I fit a size seven in the stores here at home, but a 5.5 in their sizes, so serious, measure your feet! Are they 9 5/16 inches long? Second. Has everyone who wanted, gotten my home address? If not, email me; bluepaintred@gmail.com !

Schmoozing as defined by Dictionary.com is the ability “to converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection.” When it comes to blogging, schmoozing is your ticket to making new friends, getting yourself noticed and building a reputation. Some bloggers are gifted with the ability to effectively schmooze and others not so much.

But me? Hell yea I'm a Schmoozer! Or ass kisser, whatever, same thang!

My dear blogging buddy Squirrel told me so. Why would she lie?

Here are the Schmooze rules:

1. If you receive The Power of Schmooze Award, write a post with links to 5 blogs that have schmoozed you into submission.

2. Link to this post and Mike so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.

3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ or the 'Power of Shmooze Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog

My pick of five of the best Schmoozers, who intentional or not have successfully Shmoozed me into submission!:

1. Avitable. I tried not to fall for him. I really did. But sex? With a snake? Woah. Ever since that post, I've been hooked - and have spent considerable time eying my snakes. It's OK. I think they are too small...

2. Sheila. There is something about Sheila that hits close to home with me. I'm not sure what it is, but I feel almost like she is me or I am her ..or something. It's OK. I'm not that kind of stalker Sheila!

3. Fracas. I started reading her just becuase I found out we live fifteen minutes away. I sort of might have wanted to "spy" on someone I might get to see in a grocery store or..something, you know? But I ended up reading her posts, and shes so eclectic! From one day to the next, Who knows what Fracas will toss your way!

4. Shelli. Yeah. You know it girl!

5. Webmiztris. She does drugs and smokes and drinks and has no kids and loves cats and some days... I just want to be who she is.. I
Publish Postlike to live vicariously through her blog!

The end. Now go measure your fucking feet!

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Attention Girls! (And Cross-dressing Boys)

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

See these shoes? Aren't they cute?

I got them in the mail yesterday. Unfortunately I ordered the wrong size. Well. Not the wrong size. I ordered the size I always get in the shoe stores here. But Really, If I had paid attention to the size chart they supplied, I would have been fine.

Naturally I did not pay attention! I was too OMG Shoes! Cute shoes With heels! And a bow! to pay attention.

This is where you come in. Do you like the shoes? Do you want the shoes? Do you start to salivate at the mere thought of them gracing your feet? Because you can have them. No really. You can. All you have to do is email me at bluepaintred at gmail dot com and ask for my address.

Why do you need MY address you ask? Because this is a contest. I need anyone who wants these cute and adorable shoes to snail mail a birthday card to Sheri at my address. Signed with your name. Or nick. Whichever.

Sheri is my sister. She is turning thirty-one on August 25th. She has spent most of the past three months in an out of the hospital with a donor kidney that wants to reject. Bad kidney! BAD!

And. Since the shoes don't fit me, on August 15th, I will have one of the kids draw a card from a box, and that card will win the shoes. Because! Yay! Shoes! Shoes this cute do not deserve to sit on a shelf! They need to be loved and worn and caressed and *sigh* Shoes...

See! You all win. Wait. No. Only one of you wins, But my sister will have a little more birthday cheer, which in turn, cheers me up!

Here is their Size Chart. Measure your foot in inches. See if they will fit you. or someone you know who also loves shoes! Pimp this sucker out on your blogs! Know a shoe whore? Tell them about this contest!!

So. Lets recap. Get my address. Mail me a card for my sister's birthday, signed by you. From all of the cards received by August tenth, the winner will be chosen! Very simple!

Oh. And should you want to send Sheri a Birthday card, just becuase it will make me happy, you can do that too!

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Well than.

Monday, July 09, 2007

I hope no one took it personal that I sent BPR for a time out this morning. Well I know some of you did becuase you emailed me.

You should all know that if I ever have a problem with you, I will take it up with you directly. You won't make me mad and not know about it!

Write that down. It will be on the test.

See the thing is. And it is embarrassing to even admit. But I had a problem with the number of comments I had this morning. I started to re-read my post to see what I did wrong, and then I was all Wait a fucking minute! I am NOT going to sit here and stress over typos and sentence structure and the number of fucking comments I get on a post! So. I put BPR to private, and invited no one. Not even me.

It was a punishment for me, not you.

We spent the day in severe thunderstorm and tornado watches. Pretty exciting. Not. I hate storms. The little red ticker tape running across the bottom of the screen makes me have panic attacks, but once it is there, I can't seem to look away.

And then I got the Bright Idea to join facebook. I don't know how to link to my page, but if you search bluepaintred, you can find me. I saw a lot of bloggers by going through other peoples friend lists, but I felt weird just clicking the add button. I mean. What if they said no? I'd be crushed! I'd cry. And trust me, I do not cry prettily!

And then! I entered an eBay auction for an iPod Shuffle. A pretty blue one. I love blue. But I lost. So I joined another one, same seller. Same item. Different color. Ehn. Pink. But an iPod!! I'm not really sure what they do, but I want one! I lost that auction too! So I joined another one! Yay! Silver! Same seller. Wonder if they think I was stalking them? Guess what!

I won. finally New in the box! $46.01!! Bargain!

And uhm. Yeah. That was pretty much my day!

Pee Ess: Sponge Bob! Why do none of the phone numbers I have for you work? No Matter. HAPPY BIRTDAY!1!!


A first for me

Sunday, July 08, 2007

We went to the drive-in theater last night. It was a first for me. Oh not being to a drive- in, but the fact I both saw the movies AND retained my panties at the end of the night!

It was slated to start at ten PM, so at five, we put all three kids to bed - and me, I'm not one to turn up a nap! When we woke them at eight, they were super amused that they were being woken up at their bedtime.

We brought all our own snacks, because we are cheap like that.

The first movie was Shrek three. It was OK. I think. It wasn't quite dark enough when the movie started so we missed a lot of it.

The second movies was Transformers. It was ohmigawd good. I've always loved Optimus Prime. He features in quite a few of my fantasies, if you need to know the truth.

He was hawt! They had his voice done perfectly, and the only distraction was that he had a mouth and not a grill. I was OK with it, becuase now I can fantasize the different things he can do with that mouth.

No I do not think it is weird that a transforming Autobot gets me hot and bothered.

Two of our children are allergic to mosquitoes bites, and I don't mean they get a little red bump that itches, they get a golf ball to tennis sized lump that oozes - so we were unable to open the windows for air flow. The windows kept fogging up.

another first! I've never fogged up windows with my bra on before!

Everyone should scroll down and read the post below this one! I needs your halp!



I need someone who understands how

  • blogspot/blogger
  • namecheap domains

This person must be willing to either talk me through the process* of moving a blogspot blog to its own domain bought through name cheap OR be willing to take my password (and other info) and do it for me. I have no idea what I am doing.


* this will be a long and profanity laced process


Saturday, July 07, 2007

I kan be teh P

In yur ool?

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And how was your night?

Looking out the front door. Four Am

Four Ten AM. Sigh. This sucks.

Stupid hail. It stomped my garden flat. :o(

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Boycott Titles

Friday, July 06, 2007

Today was really hot. It was 36, which in your temperature is only 96.8 degree's Fahrenheit. But that doesn't matter. To me it was hot enough that right now I am in a pair of panties and a bra. And I am considering losing the bra. And the panties.

And every so often I wonder if inserting ice really will cool my core temperature like they say. Who is they? I don't know either. But I do know that after having frost bitten-nips, the last thing I want to risk is a frost-bitten Vagina.

Stopped in a the 7-11 tonight. Grabbed some Simpsons theame'd Squishee's and Krusty O's. This amuses me greatly. However, upon inspection, the Krusty O's turned out to just be Froot Loops and there wasn't even one razor blade in the box.

False advertising is all over the place now days.

Then we went to see 1408.

I am sorry to report I found it to be more of a comedy than a horror. My feelings toward the movie did not stop the dude in the back from screeching "OMG did you see that?" , "So fucking scary!", "I think I just shit my pants" And my personal favorite, "Even jacking doesn't make it better".

I did not turn around to see if he really had his wiener out for some mid movie action shots.


Heating Up the Night

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Because of the heat during the days, I would be ill advised to try and bake during the day. And yet, I need Chocolate Stuff.

I decided this afternoon I would have to make my yummy Banana loaf with chocolate chips to soothe my inner chocolate beast. Since I have spent the last few hours baking, If you want a re-cap of my day, click the following (three) links.

I updated the Photo Blawg With three new posts. All of the pictures were taken today :

Bubbles and Butterflies
Water Safety
Coffee Goodness

I have to go grab the stuff out of the oven and eat it real quic-- uhm, Ok, yes, Eat it really quick. It's almost time for bed and I need chocolate!!

Pee ess:

Your Welcome

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Vehicular Homicide

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Driving home from coffee tonight was interesting. I turned off the radio to listen to the glorious sound of the mosquitoes hitting the windshield. It was as loud as driving through a hail storm. I loved it!

Each split-splat-splop was like a little burst of heaven in my blood. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel and was bopping to the music of smooshed bugs. I had my groove on baby!

It wasn't even a mile before I had to use my wipers to scrape their gooey carcasses off the windshield, but I didn't mind. I had a full tank of wiper fluid.

But each mile there were more and more bugs to splat. I only had eleven miles to travel. I was doing OK. At one point I had pulled out of my lane to pass a guy going eighty, but changed my mind when I realized the bug traffic was thicker on the other side. I decided it was worth it to follow him at his grandpa speed, just to kill more bugs. Sweet Sweet Homicide!

I should have passed him.

About two miles from home I ran out of wiper fluid.
I could not see.
At all.

Mostly because I did not know I had run out of fluid, and used the wipers, which only coated my window in a thick screen of blood guts and wings. YAY! Murder is dirty work when you are not properly prepared!

I ended up driving about thirty, with my hazards on, looking out my side window to follow the line for the last ten thousand hours.

That sucked.

But look! I did good! Totally worth killing myself over!

NO really. Click to zoom! Help me count them!

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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Did you know that when it gets really hot all you can do is eat chocolate cake and drink cold coffee? And that just adding ice to the coffee won't work? that wrecks the taste. You actually have to put it in a jug and toss it in the fridge and wait. And wait. And wait.

But then the coffee is nice and cold and life is good again.

And did you know that when someone says "Wanna birthday fuck?" you will forget all about blogging in your haste to say yes?

I know all of these things because I am Smrt.

In other news.

Ever since that nice lady cleaned my teeth I find I am obsessed with brushing and flossing and rinsing for sixty seconds - omgitburns- with Listerine. Can you brush and floss too much?

I have had a few comments about people not being on the blogroll in my sidebar. I will update that this week. However, where there are like fifty blogs in my side bar, there are 100 in my bloglines. Sorry if you felt left out, but I AM reading you!

When I demanded E-cards I assumed I would get, at most, five. I am amazed at the amount of comments I got as well as cards. I have to go in and update that post with the rest of the card list! But seriously folks, thanks! You helped me forget my that MY OWN DAD, who I hope reads this, forgot to call and wish me, his favorite child, a happy birthday! *pouts*

Since It will be the Fourth of the Fly when most of you read this, please have a safe and happy Independence Day!


Canada Bluepaintred Day

Sunday, July 01, 2007

In about an hour, sundown will come. In the darkness, people in hundreds and thousands of cities and towns will gather around parks lakes and rivers. Swatting mosquitoes and wincing from sunburns they will wait, Eyes trained on the sky.

A sudden pop and the people will cheer.

Depending on each communities budget, the fireworks show will last any where from ten minutes to hours.

And it is all for me.

Little paper Canadian flags on little wooden sticks given out to all the children who pass? To celebrate the Country of my birth. A million Canadian flag and maple leaf temporary tattoos will be handed out and pasted on tiny arms and tummies. Some will paste them on their cheeks, to better remind them as they look in the mirror, the reason they celebrate.


I know this because my daddy told me so.

I was very young. This is my Oldest Memory. We were visiting my grandparents and were standing at the banks of the lake, waiting with so many others. He held me in his arms so I could see better. The noise bothered me and I wanted to go home.

But, whispering in my ear he told me this was how the entire Country told me Happy Birthday. He told me that it was for me they had cakes and balloons and parades and face painting, that the whole of Canada loved me so much, they wanted to be sure my birthday, July 2, came in with a blast. Would my daddy lie to me? I think not!

Thanks Canada, I love you too!

Happy Birthday To Me

Thank You :
Blogarita: even though it was a jack of diamonds, a card is a card!
Shelli: You remembered Hoops and YoYo are my favorite!
Mr.Fab &Avitable : You both got together to pick the same card? LOL
NotAGranny: Learning Linkage one day, sending E cards the next. You're fast!
MetalMom: Two cards! Coolness - I'm loved!
Finn: The Kids and I really enjoyed the skydiving candle!
Twisted Cinderella: that was cool, That was a fun Card to play!
Shelia: It might not have been an E-Card, but you put my face on your blog, so thanks!
Sans: George Bush? That was odd. Funny. But odd. I did have fun with the sex one!
Jen: I'm in your sidebar! Thanks!
Monkee: Fiestas are fun, but siestas are better LOL!
Webmiztris: I had trouble opening my "package" so I just licked the screen!
RoxDar; Catch; Coffee Mom;
Tug; Squirrel; NYCWD

Pee ess: Don't fucking forget, bluepaintred at gmail dot com. I WANT E-Birthday cards dammit! You have till midnight July second. I do have hit men waiting in the wings for those of you who can't be bothered to push a few freaking buttons and send me some goddamn birthday lovin'!

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