I dont really know how to say this
Thursday, March 08, 2007
If I try to tell you this story properly it will take you six hours to read it. So I will give you the basics. Bullet form . Muah
History
- In Kindergarten, I was ordered to have Rainbow man tested for ADD or he would not be allowed to come back to school.
- He was "tested" as in my family doctor agreed that it was a bunch of bull and signed a paper saying I brought him in so RM could return to school.
- In grade one, during a parent teacher conference, His teacher strongly suggested I have him tested for ADD.
- I refused
- In grade one, at a different school(we moved) after only three months of classes, I was brought in and again told to have the poor kid tested.
- I refused
Aside
- RM has a very loud voice. If he whispers you can hear it two streets away. He is not yelling, it is just his voice
- RM is always very active.
- Morning till night.
- Since birth
- However, RM has no problems lasting out an eight hour car trip with no breaks. He can play his game boy for hours at a time. He can watch three, three hour movies in a row.
- RM worries about everything and anything, from money to bird eggs.*
- RM's grade 2 teacher called for a conference with me, her and a trained child physcologist (who will be known from here on as the CP, because that's hard to spell) to discuss RM's inability to focus during school
- I immediately thought , oh yay, time for the annual Drug your Child meeting.
- I was not looking forward to it.
- I complained.
- loudly.
- To a lot of people
- Which resulted in a lot of people being concerned for RM
- Went to the school for my appointment with Mrs. B and the CP.
- Went upset
- Went ready to chain myself to the pharmacy doors to save my child from their drug pushing
- I am glad I let them talk first
- the CP said RM is far from ADD/ADHD.
- RM is overly intelligent.
- But still can't focus
- RM is very sensitive ( we knew that already)
- RM is too sensitive (we did not know that)
- RM worries. (we knew)
- RM's worry has gotten past being worried and entered the realms of anxiety.
- He worries so much he has decided that his imagination is a better place to live.
- RM needs to be taught, how to work his way, verbally and internally through his worries, and how to deal with his anxiety.
Tonight
- I don't know how to do this.
*Case in point: Today I left the meeting at 3:07 pm, RMs class gets out at 3:05. A 2 minute difference. By the time I turned the corner that leads to his class, he had gone to the car, saw I wasn't in it, and come running back to the school in a total hyperventilating panic. He had convinced himself I had been kidnapped, but I am an adult so it must be lots of big guys with guns because that's the only way to kidnap an adult and he was racing to the principals office to call the police to save me. In tears. So panicked that when I grabbed him to stop him in the hall, he would have run right past me, he did not know me for a second.
all in those two short minutes.
Labels: I'm Important Too, Rainbow Man
posted by Bluepaintred @ 7:48:00 PM
32 Comments:
K. First things first.
((hugs))
Now. Breathe. In...now out. In again...now out.
You're on the way here...there are people to help you and your son. When I first started reading it, my first thought was "he's too smart for class - he's bored". Yep. AND. Anxiety worsens when bored, and you have too much time to think. Talk to him...calmly. Don't forget to breath. Ask teacher & CP if they have any ideas on different avenues to go down.
And ((hugs)). Many, many ((hugs)). You know I'm here........
Blue, I just tried e-mailing you again & got it back.....can you check your junk mail or something? Let me know.....
BIG HUGS to you and RM -
When I read this - I like Tug thought - the kids is BORED!! - get him in some Advanced Reading, Math etc programs...I get so frustrated when teachers want to medicate rather than challenge the student....
Now, you have a problem - I do not have a solution - I wish I did...I can only offer sympathy, and support. You know your child, perhaps talking to the CP can help him sort a few things out.
BIG HUGS...
Aww, baby. I'm sorry. You are on the right path though. It's a good thing. There are ways to help him and maybe one of them is as easy as counseling or maybe there may be a need for meds down the road. It is difficult. As I told you, I have been down this road and I am facing a much more similar thing with my youngest. I went and read the asterisked thing before I read the whole post and I was thinking, "OMG! That sounds exactly like Sam." He can do those things to himself, too, only he is older so they take on more mature issues, like people starving, being raped and murdered in Africa. He has asthma and once he convinced himself that he had lung cancer. I found him crying in bed one night and that is what he told me.
Anyway, sorry for taking up your comment section. I am here for you. I heart you. Many big hugs to you.
Hyper-sensitivity in gifted/bright children is not uncommon. The mind (and imagination) is often overly active/stimulated. Use the CP as a resource for channeling that heightened worry in a more positive direction. Worry is nothing more than misdirected passion. Great Scientific discoveries arose out of someone's great concern/worry that something wasn't being done.
And thank God RM finally got a teacher than saw "potential" that needs encouraged and not a "problem" that needed drugged.
Oh wow, I can just see him running to call the police to save Mommy. I mean, I know it's heart wrenching, but isn't it kinda heart warming too?
I'm not mature enough to be a parent. Shouldn't they give us tests or something? These are exactly the kinds of problems I'm clueless about.
Shit. I'm sorry, I wish I could offer words of wisdom that would tell you exactly what to do. But you sound like a great mother and I'm sure you and RM will get through this wonderfully. I'm thinking about you.
That's tough. I wish there was something I could say that would be the magical answer to your problem, but I can't really think of anything. Can I offer you a virtual bucket of coffee?
My husband has generalized anxiety disorder, which can look like ADD (he was misdiagnosed - as an adult). Anxiety makes it difficult to focus.
He needs to learn to channel that anxiety. If he was an adult, I might suggest medication (it has done wonders for Mister), but I don't think that's for kids. I agree he may be bored and not challenged enough in school.
Use the resources you've been given. The psychologist can help guide you.
xoxo
Hey girl,
I wasn't surprise to read this, we have known for a while that your kids are gifted and have wild imaginations. What does JJ say? He was a very smart kid in school and was often bored. Does he have any insight into what could have been done for him? I work with many child psychologists and I will talk to them and see if they have some suggestions for you. I will keep you posted. And you need to stay calm about it and not make a big deal about it because then RM will pick up on that and worry some more. Good luck! Sis-IL
Tug the CP told me to answer all his worries like he is an adult not a child. instead of brushing them off and saying dont worry, i have to tell him why he doesnt have to worry about it. but what do i do when i dont know what he is worried about?
Tug got the second email. lots of people try to email me and it gets bounced and that bugs me. bad email!
Fantastagirl I have a surprise for you. Mr. Incredible knows what it is. Muah! (but he wont tell you so dont ask, cus if you really do ask he might tell you. if he remembers what it is. does mr I have a good memory? oh well just dont ask him)
Shelli I kept thinking, every time he said the word anxiety that the next word would be drugs. but he never did. Also, my comment section is your comment section, use it how you will!
Bice lots of big words. lots of great words. thank you
marilyn i agree one hundred percent on the classes. Id like to go to a class.
Sheila The canadian equivilant to cub scouts and karate is cub scouts and karate. and he isnt in any after school activities. he wants to join gymnastics though, so we are scraping cash for that.
Mr.Fab you could just give us all advice on how to correct blogger errors if you want. or teach us how to tie shoes..
Kathrine hopefully we can take care of it before he gets ulcers!
Monkee mmm coffeeeeee. by the way, RM loves the spot idea and the pillow palette comes tommorrow :o))then i am stealing pics from your blog and adding some of my own and making ahuge picture post!
what fun!
Finn i had no idea kids could get anxietiy issues. i mean we knew he was a worrier, but that was just part and parcel of who he is. He knows about the meeting and what we are doing, so.. what comes will come i guess
Sis In Law yes please do talk to them, any advice is welcome. JJ is pretty quiet about the whole thing. But then again, he usually is.
I'm of an opinion similar to Shelli's. Maybe counseling is the first step, but it may also be that some kinds of meds are warranted. He's you're child of course, and only you and JJ can make the decision, but I think meds can be a good answer if they are truly warranted. As long as they are not used as a band-aid remedy before other options have been exhausted.
I know Artsy is a lot older than RM, and she didn't go on meds until she was 21, but had she been prescribed the meds years earlier, she may have been able to avoid much of the anxiety and many of the negative situations she went through.
Hugs to you, Blue.
My heart goes out to you because feeling the way you do is not fun. He's fine, will be fine and you all will have a fun ride learning how to retrain his brain to work out his worries into a positive thing.
Blogarita im not sure why i am more open to the thought of medication for anxiety then i am for ADD. maybe becuase ADD has such negative components, while everyone goes thru anxiety at some time. If the talking out his worries and other options do not work for him, we will investigate medication, but it will still be a last resort.
DeeJay it will be quite a journey, but in the end, worth it , if all goes well!
He will grow up to be a writer some day. ;-)
Ole Blue that would be way cool.
aww, poor kid!
WebMiz not really, just yesterday I told JJ to bring home milk after work and RM asked if we had enough money and then offered us his dollar...(we didnt take it) so he obvously has some money.....
lol
Wow you've gotten some great advise in these comments. And I have really been thinking that this maybe what is wrong with my stepson. Thanks for sharing this with your readers. BTW I agree that you should ask the CP about how to help with this problem. I'm surprised they didn't give you some ideas at that meeting!
Squirrel all he told us to do is teach RM how to recognize when he is worried, tight muscles, tummy flutterbies and the like, and to treat all his worries as if they are real, no matter how little theya re. that way he will learn how to rationalize his way thru his worry and feel comfortable asking for help when he doesnt know how
Oh, boy, what an adventure you have entered. Does your school system have 'gifted' classes--by whatever name? They are supposed to offer a 'qualitatively different education' and challenge the students who have above-average abilities. This should help with the boredom in the classroom. But, make sure it involves accelerated/additional quality learning and not just a piling-on of more busy work covering the normal material he's already mastered and is bored with. (was that sentence long enough?)
As to the anxiety: maybe he could have a notebook to jot down his feelings when he's worried about something. (or a tape recorder, I know he's still a beginning writer) You could then review it with him and show him how things resolved themselves and turned out not to be such a big deal after all. Eventually he will figure out what really warrants worry; and, better yet, how to do what it takes to fix it!
Peggy (mother of two gifted, sometimes bored and disruptive, refused-to-drug-them, naturally loud, sensitive young men)
PS: If this teacher understands how to reach him and keep him motivated, be sure to enlist her help in selecting his teacher for next year! She'll know which of her colleagues will be a good match for him. Looking forward to reading more as your journey unfolds.
This is definitely not insurmountable.
It will become easier for him to be rational as he grows older, but there are things you can do now to help him.
Therapy is one way to go, but not the only way. You might try "story time" where you present him with situations that might worry him (like not finding you in the van), and getting him to help the character of the story come to a probable conclusion - probably no one kidnapped the mommy, what is a more reasonable explanation, etc.
Also get him to talk about WHY he jumps to these conclusions - where is he getting these ideas from, and if possible, censor that source a bit more.
Poor RM, he is such a sweet little guy. Dont let this get you down Blue, he is just a sensitive little boy who needs to learn to channel his anxiety. How sweet of him to offer you his money for milk! RM is going to grow up to be a caring young man.
In this crazy world today there are so many horrible things that go on, no wonder the kids have so much anxiety. We never had to live through terrorism, such brutal murders as they have today, and kidnappings...the only one of those I ever heard of when I was young was the Lindburg baby. Now you hear about it everyday. Our world is becoming very un-kid friendly. And you are damn right it is very scary! Give RM a hug for me...its our responsibility to make our children feel safe but in this world today they have to be aware that they cant trust everyone...how sad is that?
You've got some awesome ideas & comments here Blue...just always remember to BREATHE yourself. I know it sounds stupid, but it calms you. Which will, in turn, help calm him. ;-) Keep us posted!!
As an adult who has just recently been diagnosed as ADHD I wonder what might have happened if I had not wasted the first 50 years of my life.
Firstly ADHD is not a psychiatric illness. Secondly, ADHD is a different style of information processing
Thirdly, ADHD is not subnormal intelligence.
It is important for all to learn some basic facts so that they can deal with ADHD problems without bias. I do not subscribe to any particular form of intervention but the webpage http://www.newideas.net/ is a reasonable place to start to gain an overview.
Remember that ADHD was a survival strategy for stone-age man and still has relevance to artists, writers, musicians and entrepreneurs.
It is important to read beyond the vented spleen of certain Anti-Psychiatry organizations and to look for what are called "meta-studies" where the state-of-the-art is examined.
Regards
R
As a sufferer of Generalized Anxiety Disorder / Depression - I can say that I do love my Lexapro.
However, I didn't realize that kids could have anxiety like that. That's terrible. I do feel for you and for him, good luck to you both!
No parent should have to deal with that kind of crap.
March your butt to the school and demand he be tested for GATE.
Yes, I said it.
Gifted and Talented Education.
Because any child that can concentrate for THAT long and with the anxiety/worries you're describing has A LOT going on in his little brain and needs to be with teachers who will challenge him, not write him off as needing a pill to "fix" it.
It's funny, because I can leap to similar conclusions when my husband isn't where he said he was going to be or home when he said he was going to be. Then I have to talk myself down. Then my imagination spins out of control again, and I imagine that he is in a ditch somewhere, bleeding to death, but he probably took a different way home, and they won't find him in time and I don't know where he is and ....{breathe}
Yeah, I am a worrier too. Not the the extreme that RM is, though, it sounds like.
My advice would be to check in with him now and then. RM, how are you doing? Did anything happen at school you want to talk about?
Also, I remember my mom having to explain to me about TV not being real. I was sad a favorite character died, and she said, "He will probably be on a different TV show next week." Sometimes shows can seem so realistic, and you see that stuff over and over again, that it can cause some worries.
Other than that, I say take each road as you come to it.
Oh, but I should add - cause I thought about it at lunch - that I usually don't panic for 30 minutes. For two minutes, then I think you just need to have him take a deep breath and tell him to wait for you by the car next time, and if you don't come out after 10 minutes, then he can panic.
not sure what to say...but I'm sure in a way it's a releif for you to know what the issue is, and hey look at it this way they won't be bugging you about RM having ADD and pill pushing
If you are effected with ADD,ADHD, go through the site, which is having good information about ADD,ADHD,adult ADD,child ADD,ADD resources etc. ADD vs.ADHD
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