More importantly though, Santa Ducky has been unearthed from the cardboard cage he was imprisoned in, lonely and scared, for the past eleven months and is back in his rightful place.

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I ran out of tape, so I had to stop wrapping. But the good news is we are almost done. Now all we have to do is put up the Christmas Tree. So, uhhmm, any idea how we get a Christmas tree and a puppy to live in harmony?

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Once or twice a month, school kids bring home Scholastic book order forms in hopes that their parents are too tired and run down to realize the books cost half as much at the store as they do from Scholastics.

I am one of teh lazy parents who finds it easier to fork over the 8.99 for a book on Pokemon for the dog to chew on than to listen to the children whine.

I was quite pleased that they had chosen a book under five bucks and was off on my merry way.

Until I heard the boys giggling about how they would be sitting on Santa's Face over and over and over again.

I Had planned on telling them about the birds and the bee's myself, But I guess a little book learning is just as good.

Labels: In my opinion, Pictures, School

So today was Saturday the tenth. Not the today that you are reading this on, thats Sunday the eleventh. For me right now? Yea. The tenth.

I got up this morning and spent a looong time choosing clothes for tonight. I put on make up and had my Brother's Girlfriend dye my hair.

Finally I was done.

"Honey" I said, "I'm ready for the radio show now. How do I look?"

The problem? The radio show is your today not my today.

My retardedness aside, check out the hair:

Labels: I'm a Dumbass, Pictures

Part One: I'm a Dumbass

I went to see the optometrist today and I almost came home with a sixty four year old man. He was the cutest thing ever. I just wanted to squeeze his fat old man cheeks and invite him for Christmas Dinner.

I didn't, But only because it is not my year to host .

So I'm sitting in the super uncomfortable special optometrist chair and the chick tells me to take off my glasses, cover my left eye and read the board.

I told her I see nothing.

So she points at the board again and says Just read that.

I said "All I can see is a glowing white square"

This time she turns on the lights in the room, walks up to the board thingy, touches it and says "Right here, I want you to look right here and tell me what you see"

"NOTHING. I cannot see a damn thing! There is nothing there FOR me to see, you haven't put it up." And I am feeling all smug right then. Pointing out her mistakes like that. Yea! Take that you beeeee-atch! Woooo! I ROCK!

Until she asked me to put my glasses back on and I saw that there was a letter on the board. In fact it was. Sigh. The large "E".

Turns out I can be declared legally blind - without my glasses. I am fine with them. Or sort of fine. They gave me a new prescription.

Part two : Show and tell.

I got mail! From Sheila! Look!

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Labels: Holidays, Pictures

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I made cupcakes





There is was leftover icing. I might have, accidentally, while engrossed in my bloglines, eaten the rest when I only meant to have a taste.

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Eight years ago tonight, ( 1:05Am October 29th) I lazily pushed out the first of my three sons. I say lazily because it was three half-hearted pushes. Don't hate me for my "birthin' hips"

I was able to get away with not changing a diaper until he was five days old because I am very good at being busy when work needs to be done. Just ask my dad.

In any case, When I opened his smelly little diaper, wipes at the ready, I saw his penis for the first time and broke out into laughter. It was tiny. Smaller than tiny. I'm serious, it was like a little nub, barely there.

That night, our first night home with the baby, I asked my husband if boy babies always have such teeny tiny penis'...peni...dicks. My husband, engrossed in the tiny fingers of his little heir, distractedly explained that when a boy reaches a certain age, their dad takes them to the Penis Garden to pick out a new and improved, larger sized penis.

I laughed. That got his attention. His face paled and his hands trembled and he begged me never to tell anyone that I knew about the existence of the Penis Garden. Apparently, the Penis Garden is very well kept secret among the testosterone sect.

I promised never to tell (oops) but every summer since then, I have meticulously searched every garden I happen across, on the off chance that I will finally find the fabled Penis Garden.

Saturday Morning I finally found it. I was a bit surprised to see that it was made of ice considering penis'..peni...cocks have such violent reactions to cold.




Pee Ess: It is also Not A Granny's Birthday today. Go wish her a good one

Afterthought- Having slept on the issue at hand I have decided that they must flash freeze the phallus to ensure maximum freshness.

Labels: I'm Important Too, information, Pictures, Rainbow Man

This has been a very hectic weekend and it is not over yet. I have fifty or so cupcakes to decorate still. Some one obviously did not get the STOP WITH THE GROWING message and celebrated his eight birthday this weekend.

Want pictures? (<--- click teh linkage) The rest are on the brats camera and I don't know how to download them - yet.

I'll link 'em when they are up, but for now I have to do the dishes so I have room to work on the cupcakes!

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And also. I am tired.







blogger is being an asshole. It wont let me load up the rest. I will try again in the morning, but right now? I'm tired.

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Do any of you know how to make a puppy sleep longer than two hours at night? Srsly. She is LOUD for such a tiny thing!

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Look! Puppy food! And! Treats! See! Already good Dog Owners! We know they Need to eat!

Oh. I also bought my Nano Today. She needs a name. She's the pretty silver one.

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This would be an esteemed member of our town's RCMP detachment. He is multi-tasking. All Canadians are excellent Multi-taskers.

Playing hockey with the neighborhood kids shows them that Police Officers are not someone to be scared of, but someone to look up to. He is also waiting for the Tow Truck to remove two hunks of metal.

What Hunks of metal? Oh see, I was fooling around on the net (As Usual)(It's what I do) when I heard a VERY loud Bang. Knowing the sound was that of a vehicle hitting something, and that my Seven year old was on the street roller blading, I hopped up fast enough to tip over my chair. I will admit to being worried he was the something.

Lucky for me, but unlucky for the nice older man in the greeny blue truck, it was the annoying teenager with loud music and a louder exhaust who loves to cruise up and down the streets squealing his little sports car tires and ignoring all stop signs.

Said annoying teenager, who's axle is busted, is gonna look pretty silly when his momma drives him to school in the morning.

Both drivers are OK, in fact the Older man in the greeny blue truck walked home (Did I mention small town?) At first, his truck started, and ran long enough to get it more to the side of the road, but when it started smoking, he wisely decided to let it sit in waiting for the Tow Truck.

The annoying teenager who, while speeding, blew the stop sign? He got to ride in the very comfortable backseat of the police cruiser.

And so, another exciting evening passed on our street. Ever single one of us, from the first bang to the last vehicle towed, stood around outside and gossiped.

Dontcha wish your life was a lot like mine? Dontcha? Dontcha?

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