Vehicular Homicide

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Driving home from coffee tonight was interesting. I turned off the radio to listen to the glorious sound of the mosquitoes hitting the windshield. It was as loud as driving through a hail storm. I loved it!

Each split-splat-splop was like a little burst of heaven in my blood. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel and was bopping to the music of smooshed bugs. I had my groove on baby!

It wasn't even a mile before I had to use my wipers to scrape their gooey carcasses off the windshield, but I didn't mind. I had a full tank of wiper fluid.

But each mile there were more and more bugs to splat. I only had eleven miles to travel. I was doing OK. At one point I had pulled out of my lane to pass a guy going eighty, but changed my mind when I realized the bug traffic was thicker on the other side. I decided it was worth it to follow him at his grandpa speed, just to kill more bugs. Sweet Sweet Homicide!

I should have passed him.

About two miles from home I ran out of wiper fluid.
I could not see.
At all.

Mostly because I did not know I had run out of fluid, and used the wipers, which only coated my window in a thick screen of blood guts and wings. YAY! Murder is dirty work when you are not properly prepared!

I ended up driving about thirty, with my hazards on, looking out my side window to follow the line for the last ten thousand hours.

That sucked.

But look! I did good! Totally worth killing myself over!

NO really. Click to zoom! Help me count them!

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Blogger Bluepaintred said...

No really. Go back and zoom. Have you ANY idea how many mosquitoes we have to deal with this year? DO YOU??

11:49 PM, July 04, 2007  
Blogger Sheila said...

OMG - that is completely and utterly horrifying.

Sorry, I will never visit you in the summer.

12:00 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Sheila said...

okay, seriously, is that just from tonight? Cuz, I AM going to have nightmares.

12:01 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Shelli said...

Dear God! That is disgusting! We do not have many this year. You must have them all.

12:05 AM, July 05, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yup it's confirmed that's a lot of bugs, probably millions, no maybe billions I can't count that high let alone keep my eyes straight enough to count them.

Hey this is the closest to the top I've ever been, LOL

12:09 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Reminds me of when it's love bug season here in Florida.

2:52 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Not a Granny said...

Oh sweet jesus...that is too awful. But thank you for your sacrifice and taking out as many as you did!!

4:59 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Sugar Queens Dream said...

Doesn't the "Canada people in charge" believe in those "flying bug killing people" . I mean at least here in Florida they try to keep us alive to pay taxes another day....
Gosh I think they would carry y'all off or something.... I don't think I can come for a visit now, well not that anyone invited me but still,I like my blood....

5:19 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Avitable said...

Fucking A.

5:58 AM, July 05, 2007  
Anonymous sam said...

O.M.G. That's fuckin' sick.

Now's the time to get those boys out there washing the car (minus the rocks in the wheels)

6:27 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

Thank you - I think you made a big dent in the mosquito population! Maybe we won't have as many!

7:33 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Finn said...

Paybacks are a bitch, aren't they? :D

The Mosquitoes

8:20 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

omg, I've never seen anything like that! I had no idea you guys got so many mosquitoes! my ass would be bit the fuck UP because mosquitoes are super attracted to my scent!

9:16 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Lynda said...

Holy cow!

9:32 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Tug said...

Holy COW. That looks like you drove through Wyoming, but there it's grasshoppers. blech.

10:08 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Marilyn said...

I've noticed that as you drive north from where I live it gets wetter and wetter and as the moisture goes up so do the mosquitoes.

I like green places but you need DEET.

10:16 AM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Miss Ann Thrope said...

WTF! I have never seen anything like that...ever. Where the hell do you live. It's like a town full of west nile virus. Fucking eww.

12:29 PM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

BPR I thought we talked about you commenting on your own blog just the other day? For shame!

Sheila lol so you prefer minus 40 to bugs. good to know.

Sheila yes, it was all one night. Im good at killing things. just ask m plant.. but don't expect him to answer, cus I killed him too!

Shelli OK so what this means to me, Is i have to come and live with you...

Coffee Mom Make it to the top spot and I even have an award for ya!

Mr.Fab Love bugs? Tell me more...

Not A Granny Its a dirty job, but somemone had to do it!

Sugar Queen *sob* sixteen years ago, a mosquito herd carried off my baby brother. We haven't seen him since!

Avitable Why do I get the feeling you are on the side of the bug?

Sam Car washing is out. My FIL took the cars in to get new tires..

Fantastagirl I try...sigh. I try..

Finn dear mosquito; yo momma made a satisfying squish sound as I slapped her up against the wall.
All my hate, BPR

WebMiz Please come stand beside me so i can have one minutes peace from the bloodsuckers...Please??!

Lynda Nono, cows are the big black and white things, they say moo. Mosquito's suck your blood and say Bzzzz

Tug NO! No cows! the cows live in fields with fences. they moo as I pass. pick their nose with their tongue. I have never hit a cow. Those are mosquitoes!

Marilyn The conditions here are perfect this year for skeeters. Wet wet wet wet wet!

12:30 PM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Miss Ann I live in the middle of Saskatchewan, and yes, instances of west nile are up 300% from last year.


12:35 PM, July 05, 2007  
Anonymous Jen / domestika said...

So, I'm guessing you don't work for your local Tourism Department or anything like that, right?

And here I was cursing last night for having to swat 2 of the little buggers while out watching fireflies in the meadow...

You've really got to leave those dangerous wild SK prairies, girl. Salt air and constant wind, that's the anti-skeeter ticket!

1:19 PM, July 05, 2007  
Anonymous metalmom said...

Boy1 and I counted 1,387,286,354,976. I think. I got squinty-eyed there for a minute.He said eewwww! and I say you have given me the heebie-jeebies!

2:07 PM, July 05, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's basically what our car looked like after driving through Nebraska a few years ago.
I didn't bother to confirm identities, though...

2:24 PM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger ajooja said...

Oh, God. That's terrible.

2:32 PM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger annie said...

Oh my FREAKING God. Where do you live, the jungle? WTK. I remember those around Montana or something in the summer. They don't get like that here becuase it's very dry. Thank God.

3:01 PM, July 05, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are going to have to take a pic in late august too when the grasshoppers are just as bad so you can get a rainbow of bug guts to show all these mosquito free peoples..


3:48 PM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger mixednut said...

How many skeeters did you have on YOUR grill after sticking your head out the window?

3:53 PM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Monkee said...

It's just like love bugs in Florida! They're exactly what they sound like, they're little black flying bugs that are most often seen flying around, um, attached to each other. PLUS, they are attracted to the carbon monoxide fumes from the cars so they specifically like to hang out in the road. AND, they're guts are acidic and will eat the finish off of your bumper. Yay, bugs!

4:43 PM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Not a Granny said...

And those damn lovebugs do not easily wash off your car...

5:16 PM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Jen LOL I wonder if i can send this in to tourism Sask? They could print it on their websites as a warning!

MetalMom That sounds like a close guesstimate of the lives I took!

Peggy It's always good to be sure of what you are killing!

Ajooja Don;t worry! Im sure their death was painless!

Annie You don;t have skeeters? Thats it, I'm moving in!

RoxDar LOL if the grasshoppers are big enough a ten minute drive will kill enough to make a nice meal!

MixesNut I am afraid that is classified information buddy!

Monkee so its like a two for one sale in bug killin' eh? Right on!

Not A Granny Y'all thought baked on skeeter guts were easy to scrape off this afternoon?

7:36 PM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Tenacious B said...

Being from Texas, I don't really see anything unusual about the photo, other than the sheer lack of frame damage to your car.

But good job, darlin. Pretty soon you'll be ready for the Olympic Skeeter Killing Team.

9:20 PM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Queenie said...

That is just not right....


11:36 PM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger Squirrel said...

You are awesome taking your life in your hands just to help erradicate those evil blood sucking creatures!

4:49 PM, July 06, 2007  
Anonymous chickpea said...

OMG, that is scary and disgusting. Where do all of those mosquitoes come from?

This makes me oddly appreciative of the smog/weird smell that the great state of New Jersey has.. I'm sure it's helping to control the mosquito population. I have never seen so many bugs!

9:37 AM, July 08, 2007  

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