I'd let the She mail man father my next baby

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

...If I hadn't gotten my tubes tied seven hundred and sixty seven glorious days ago. And she had a penis...

Because when that pesky husband type dude stopped in to check the mail he brought home a box. It seemed to shine from within. We were kinda freaked out to tell the truth....

The note inside said it was From Tug, But I am rather doubtful. I mean would the Tug we all know and love have enclose a note on such shocking note paper?

Heavens! Tug's a granny.

Grannies do NOT do that sort of thing. It MUST have been the mail man.

buuuttt.....On the off chance it Was Tug,, I would like to tell you all a tale.

It's a very sad tale. Lots of crying and gnashing of teeth. You see, It all started one blustery morning when I was at Avitables Blog. He was talking about an amazing thing. A cookie that had surely been sent straight from heaven. Thats right. I'm talking about the Strawberry Milkshake Oreo Cookie.

Once we had discovered the existence of the Holy Grail of Cookiedom, The Husband and I immediately began our quest. A quest for justice, a quest to better mankind. A quest for the perfect dunkable snack.

Alas. We were not successful. We searched on rainy days and inventory stocking days, we searched high and low. We searched stores large and small, with nary a glimpse of our prey. We did not give up. We continued our search on the next scheduled grocery trip, but were again foiled.

Again we did not give up, We persevered, thou we were sore disenchanted.

In desperation We started interrogating every person who wore a smock. If they even had a hint of the "I work at Wal-mart" look, we were on them like fleas on Fab. We had no shame. No fewer than three Blue Smocked infidels were tied to Bob The Builder Plush Chairs (ONLY29.99!)

They were beaten with whiffle bats and had blobs of Play Doh shoved in their noses. We made them listen to the singing Dora Doll for hours with no break. I'm ashamed to admit it, but we even raided the classics movie section for Barney tapes and made them watch..and sing along.

We were desperate! We had no choice! They were our last hope! Mankind's Last hope. Surely you understand we had to do this!

Alas None had seen, and fewer had even heard of the amazing Oreo Of Strawberry milk-shaky goodness.

We had failed.

And then, Like a shining star breaking through the clouds, the She Mail Man Handed The Husband The Box.

And the celebration in the BPR household will go on for hours. Or at least until the last cookie has been dunked, sucked, twisted and swallowed.

Which is of course a lie. One Box of cookies was immediately and reverently placed in the freezer to be there In Case of Emergency. I just wish I had a glass box and a hammer...

And to document this monumental occasion, Pictures of the boys enjoying the only cookie they will get. We opened the box in front of them, we very well had to share. But Never Again.

The remaining box has been hidden in the dark recesses of the pantry, only to be removed upon proof of sleeping children.
Please make careful note of Stuperman watching how the boys twist open the cookie to suck out its delicious insides. After careful study, and one try at The Twist, he gave up and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.
*You might have noticed a coffee cup and other sundries. Stay tuned for more stories of the Amazing BadAss Coffee Mug and his adventures In BPRland!

** Basically, what I am trying to say is that this is getting long, so the coffee portion has been separated from the cookie portion of this post.

*** although I must say, Cookies are well dunked in coffee or milk.

****I prefer coffee, but that, my friends, is a tale for another day.



Blogger Sheila said...

FIRSTIES!! (uhm, now to read the post.)

10:17 PM, May 22, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...


10:23 PM, May 22, 2007  
Blogger Sheila said...

(okay, just to explain my craziness a smidge, Tom wanted me to do something as soon as I opened your blog... so I had to comment in case I lost my beloved first place while helping Tom)

Uhm, and, this post is effin' hilarious. I love the torture of the employees the most, I think.

10:28 PM, May 22, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

dude! don't blame it on tom, blame it on your love for me.

or if you must blame it on tom, blame it on HIS love for me...

does tom read my blog? HI TOM!!

10:29 PM, May 22, 2007  
Blogger Shelli said...

And the cookies sucked. Because those are the grossest cookies that Oreo has ever made. Okay, not really, I just wanted to ruffle you. They aren't the best, though. I will eat them if there is nothing else.

10:57 PM, May 22, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's probably a reason we don't have them here...not something I would ever buy personally... but enjoy nonetheless.

11:02 PM, May 22, 2007  
Blogger Sheila said...

Actually, I do catch Tom reading your blog every now and again. I'll let him know you think he's in love with you...

11:12 PM, May 22, 2007  
Blogger Blogarita said...

At the risk of public ridicule and socio-blogal ostracism, I'll admit it:

I hate Oreos! No matter what flavor.

(But I do like coffee.)

11:36 PM, May 22, 2007  
Blogger Sheila said...

I told him he loved you. I think I saw him blush.

Don't make me be the jealous type. ;)

11:40 PM, May 22, 2007  
Blogger New York City's Watchdog said...

I love Oreos.

I even love the vanilla Oreos with the chocolate creme.

But the strawberry milkshake ones... well... how much oreo can an oreo addict be addicted to?

Better you than me.

12:25 AM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Catch said...

How sweet of Tug! I dont think I could eat those cookies though.....Im not a big fan of oreos......:((

btw..where have you been???? I havent seen you over at my blog for days and I have a p[ot of coffee on for you!

12:30 AM, May 23, 2007  
Anonymous sam said...

Soooo jealous!!!!! I want some!!!!! *pouts*

Why can't we have those?

4:18 AM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I can see now that Tug has replaced me for first blogger position in your heart.

I have no choice but to prepare a care package of my own.

4:26 AM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Avitable said...

They're good, aren't they? You know, I bought 10 boxes of them. You could have asked and I would have sent one or two to you.

6:14 AM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Finn said...

Apparently I live in a box -- one with no Strawberry Milkshake Oreos. I've never heard of these.

I'm junk-food deprived. :(

7:39 AM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Lynda said...

Special edition too. I bet that means they won't be around forever.

8:24 AM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger onetallmomma said...

I am off to the market post haste to buy some for myself. No sharing with the Banshees!

9:06 AM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Marilyn said...

Whispering to self.... I am on a diet. I am on a diet...

Actually oreos arent what I'd cheat for anyway. Give me a dark chocolate candy bar any day.

9:22 AM, May 23, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, do they taste like real strawberry? or artificial-strawberry-like-imitation-flavor-substance? Can you tell I'm leary of "strawberry flavoring"?
You should send the pictures of the boys to Nabisco - they have good promotional potential. Who knows---you could score a lifetime supply as compensation...

10:09 AM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Tug said...

YAY!!! Take THAT Fab. heh.

I should have warned you to open without children around, but I didn't want to spoil the surprise...

And that's all I bought - I didn't even get any to try myself. You're THAT spesh. ;-)

pee ess. I don't know about your mailthing, but no penis here. except soap. Dicks maybe, but no penis.

10:18 AM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger me said...

screw the oreos....THE BAD ASS coffe co, which I completely forgot about and should have sent you in their direction. You can walk into their stores and eat choclate covered coffee beans (WWHHEEEEE) Although, theirs is not my favorite kind, but it does just fine. Alas my personal favorite cannot be purchased except at a co-op in Kona, and that makes for a mighty long shopping trip. Hope you like it! What a great friend you have.

10:39 AM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

I haven't seen the strawberry ones in our stores yet either, but I don't see my buying them anyway. I am forever faithful to Doublestufs! (Oh, the Golden Oreos too. The gold ones are kind of like my mistress. ;)

10:54 AM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger mist1 said...

Wow, Tug sent you that?

Tug only sends me porn.

12:12 PM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Shelli no, they are not the best, the best is still the original Oreo, but these have surpassed the double stuff and are better in coffee than the original,

hmmm it may be a tie between these and the original... must do more research.

RoxDar If you could pick any cookie in the store to buy, which would it be?

Sheila good. i like people reading my blog... now if only we can get him commenting!

Blogarita Really? what kind of cookie do you like? I have an awesome spicy raisin oatmeal recipe...

Sheila you already had me jealous when I found out you and Blogarita live in the same town... this can be my revenge!

Dawg If you think that there is an acceptable limit to stop an addiction at, then you are not a true addict.

Catch I have been reading most blogs thru bloglines and have been too lazy to give it the extra click over so that I could comment. Sorry. I swear to do better!

Sam Don't cry. want a hug?

Mr.Fab wasn't the postcard you made your wife send "care" enough?

Avitable I was scared to get my fingers bit off...

Finn I think it is a crime against nature to deprive a body of snackables.

Lynda And that is why one box is in the freezer waiting for me :o)

OneTallMomma Sharing is over rated anyway!

Marilyn dark? I prefer milk chocolate, they are only 70 cal a cookie, and 10.5 g carbs. Worth going off the diet a bit, IMO.

Peggy The outside is a normal Oreo cover. I take that off. then when its all alone, and by itself, I suck on the inside filling, and its creamy and strawberry and i think if it was cold it would taste just like a milkshake. in short, they rock!

Tug YOU DID NOT TRY THEM? THEY ROCK! thank you tug!

Me wow. so this place is in Hawaii? Eventually, The Husband and I will get down there...

WebMiz The double stuff was good, but I did not like the golden oreo.

Mist1 oh see, I send tug the porn in our relationship!

2:24 PM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Tug said...

Blue - You're very welcome...enjoy! (duh)

Mist - It's what you WANTED since I'm not a shoeshopper. I aim to please... ;-)

3:13 PM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Tug said...

and another pee ess... I did not go to Hawaii...dammit. The Bad Ass coffee is right up the street from my apartment here in Hell.

3:14 PM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Tug said...

are you still exercising for comments?

hee hee hee

3:15 PM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

tug oh I am !

tug hmmmmm interesting. hell is just south of damnation, right?

tug sigh


3:29 PM, May 23, 2007  
Anonymous squirrel said...

I love strawberry everthing! I'm going looking for those tomorrow! But not much makes it to Oklahoma. We're in the sticks.

9:19 PM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Lynda said...

Should Tug be fathering your next baby? I mean, she is the one who sent it.

10:25 PM, May 23, 2007  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

LMAO - you really like those?

Want me to send you box or two? The kids don't like them. and I'd rather have regular oreos...

9:01 PM, May 24, 2007  

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