Dear Spider-man; Spandex is a privilege, not a right.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

I would like to point out that I do NOT have an inner ear infection, but some sort of imbalance in the naturally occurring liquids in one or more of the three inner ear canal thingys in my ear. Today, I took an antihistamine as soon as I woke up, and I already see a difference. Example: I saw a loonie on the ground, and I picked it up and did not faint when I tried to stand up. Can I get a hell Yea!?

While riding high on euphoria, and knowing that My mother in law was busy washing the last three days of dirty dishes and folding the last two weeks of piled up (clean) laundry, the husband and I decided to celebrate that I was not "sick" by eating salty popcorn laced in artery clogging cholesterol butter, drinking huge cups of watered down cola and eating impossible amounts of over priced candy.

We went to see Hot Fuzz.

We went to see Hot Fuzz the same night some other movie grossed 59 million dollars.

We went to see Hot Fuzz on the same night that Spider man 3 premiered.

Sigh.

'Cus, yes, we knew it was the first night, and we accepted that we would not be able to get tickets to see Spider Man, but that should not affect our ability to enjoy another movie at the theatres. Right?

RIGHT!?!?!?!

Wrong.

What the hell possessed the 18 year old ..freak.. to raid his ten year old brother's closet and put on his nine-ninety-nine Spider Man Halloween costume and wear it in public.

With no underwear?

Oh who am I kidding? An additional ten layers of cotton would'nt have helped!

I can only assume that this boy does not have a single mirror in his residence. Also, that he did not pass by any reflective surface on the way to the theatre. Oh, and that all of his friends were blind.

At what point did I know that his choice of costume was a fashion disaster?

Was it when I could see proof that his peen went on the chopping block at two days old? Maybe it was when I could tell from one glance that he keeps his garden bare? Hey! Maybe it was the fact that that I knew his piercer had put his Prince Albert in crooked.

Yea. I think it was that one.

Oh also? Small penis? This is something you usually hide behind baggy pants, not something you proudly display with paint-on spandex.

Seriously.

Ew.


*****
In other boner related news, Dawg and his Pile of Dog Bones is asking to get his boner beat in exchange for an orange Popsicle...

Click the flashy linky doo-dad thingy:
(all very technical words, I assure you)

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17 Comments:

Blogger onetallmomma said...

Yes, I am first today. So all of the rest of you can bite me.

And Blue, more ass groping back at you Babe. May you quickly progress from picking things up from the ground to leaping small buildings in a single bound. I am so glad you are feeling better.

And why were you checking out that poor, misguided boys Johnson so carefully? Natural Curiosity???

2:46 AM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

But did you like Hot Fuzz?

4:39 AM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger DeeJay said...

Should we always bite the first commenter or is this just a thing that onetallmomma likes having done to her?

Some boys just don't get the tackiness of being able to see "stuff" when they are in public. Ew.

7:01 AM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger Shelli said...

I am sure that his friends let him wear it so that they could make fun of him and laugh hysterically behind his back.

7:27 AM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger Avitable said...

Hot Fuzz was awesome - not as good as Shaun of the Dead, but pretty damned good.

And how did you not take a picture of this Spider-abortion?

8:44 AM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger onetallmomma said...

Deejay...just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and took it out on Blue's innocent readers.

Blame my kids.

10:27 AM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger Marilyn said...

I have to say that the links were very educational. I learned more by clicking your links than in anythinging else I read this morning.

11:08 AM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger Tug said...

HELL YEAH! Great news. And eww...yep, you should have taken a pic of spiderpuke dude.

Going to check out your technolinky thingies...

11:43 AM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger Sheila said...

When I mentioned that whole inner ear thing, I kind of was going for the, "This is the closest I've had to what it sounds like you have..."

And, I don't know many people that spandex looks okay on. But, the male population... uhm, definitely a no in general.

11:55 AM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger Catch said...

heres a big HELL YEA for ya Sweety! Also..not many can wear spandex and look good in it....men with little peepees and women with big camel toes are out!! Also men with big peepees looks kinda stupid to, but they dont care cause they think a big peepee is the answer to everything!

2:43 PM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

lmao! so basically "Spidey" looked like the 2nd guy from the left in the paint-on spandex link? lol

8:15 PM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger Todd said...

Hot Fuzz was most excellent. I think there should have been something in the trailer that said "You must see Bad Boys 2 and Point Break before seeing Hot Fuzz. You'll get many more of the jokes if you have."

9:26 PM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

One Tall Momma *CHOMP* I check out all guys bulge - or lack of..it's just something I do.

Mr.Fab it rocked!

DeeJay sorry, OTM is kinky that way! Well baggy pants that lead to six inches of boxer showing are just as bad - maybe more becuase there is nothing to point and laugh about...unless they are wearing thongs...

Shelli Dude, I know I would have been laughing, but to his face!

Avitable Le Sigh avi. My camera is big with lenses and hot sweet stuffs on it. There is no way on earth I would toss it in my purse for an outing. In less than thirty days, PPP will be financing my new camera LMAO. See, PPP is good for soemthing after all!

One Tall Momma *kiss* there is only room for one grouch person in my house int eh mornings, and that is ME! you should have the same rule!

Marilyn Im here to serve!

Tug Sorry tug. I know you love ducks!

Sheila heh. What I want to know, is did his mom see him go out the door like that and LET him?

Catch but dude! camel toes are HAWT...not

WebMiz hmm little smaller and thats the one!

Todd i so agree!

10:23 PM, May 06, 2007  
Blogger Lynda said...

Well, I guess at 18 his parents didn't have a say in the matter anymore.

But why didn't his friends point and laugh. I don't get it....

I get an imbalance with allergies. I am glad you aren't sick!

10:49 AM, May 07, 2007  
Blogger Sparky Duck said...

ew ew ew.

We boycott the movie theater anytime something big is coming out. This is another reason why

9:05 AM, May 09, 2007  
Anonymous fracas said...

Bwahahahah...hahaha

I spit at that. You should warn people. He probably had that Prince Albert done at that night last year at the Sutherland bar... the one where they were doing some "interesting" piercings that hot summer night (oh wait.. that's Meat Loaf and none of the kids that go there probably even know who Meat Loaf is).

11:14 PM, May 10, 2007  
Blogger Matt said...

The bikers need to wear them because they have padding on the behind for comfort.

Oh by the way....Ever heard of "showers and growers?

8:37 AM, June 03, 2007  

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