Hubs has a thirty inch waist (feel free to hate him for it, I do) and a six foot inseam. For as long as I have known him, I have never seen him in a pair of pants that fits him properly. He would be able to get pants to fit his waist, but then he would be walking around in manpries, so he gets pants to fit his height and uses a belt to take in the extra foot of material in the waist.

Sigh.

I know that there are places that we can buy jeans that will fit him in both the waist and the leg, but you have to pay like seventy bucks for a pair. The way we shop for clothing is if it over twenty bucks, it's too much. Except for shoes, and coats. And socks, I guess, becuase I once spent 21 dollars on a pair of socks, but man were they awesome!

For the last few months I have been trying to convince hubs that we should spend the cash and get him a pair that fits, and he can wear them just for special occasions, weddings and family gatherings and the like. Yes he wears jeans to weddings, nice, ill fitting black ones with a dress shirt and a sports coat. He looks good so STFU.

Hubs hates shopping. A lot.

Annnyway:

So I think it is time to go and get those jeans. I think you should get a pair tight enough to make a genital devision sign.

Uh. No thank you, I like my sperm count exactly where it is!

What? At Zero?

So ... I guess we will go see Santa this weekend instead...

Labels: Husband, I'm Important Too

After we finished our nightly meal, and by we, I mean me, hubs and the eldest ate our food, and the dog ate the two younger children's meal, Hubs took a shower.

I told him to hurry up as I wanted one too.

Normally, If I need a shower in the evening I hop in with him, but Rainbow Man had homework and without an adult sitting right.beside him he finds it impossible to tune out the other boys and do his work.

So hubs finished his shower and I went in to have mine. Shirt off I realized I had forgotten my razor in the other bathroom and was trying to convince him it was faster for him to get dressed and go get it than it would be for me to put my shirt back on.

Then the phone rang.

You see, his parents got their first internet capable laptop this afternoon, and were trying to access their email account. First up : trying to explain how to click the mouse. Then I tried to explain where to find the word in-box on his email program so he could put his new clicking skills to use.

All of this is happening at the same time the hubs is wagging his tail in my face. I tried to wave him away. No luck. The tail just kept wiggling, begging for attention mere inches from my face. I gave him a disgusted look AND managed not to laugh as he said in his most innocent voice "What? It's clean. I just washed it!"

The fact that I did not laugh - while still on the phone with his parents who are now arguing about the viagra email in the spam folder- tells me I am due for yet another gold star.

Labels: Husband, I'm Important Too

I am not a religious person. I fully believe that when I die, My body will rot in a little box and eventually turn to dust. While residing on this side of the dirt, I believe in myself, My friends and my family ~ and thats it.. While I can accept, and even some days envy, that other people believe in a higher being, I do not.

My Husband on the other hand does believe that there is something better waiting out there. He has waited for a long time to get to that place and today, at 6:23 PM he finally got there.

I have known that this day was coming for the past three years. He has talked about it (and talked and talked and talked) and I have suffered through listening to him talk about it. I shared my computer so he could satisfy his curiosity about this wondrous being with the help of Google and Yahoo.

Of all the places for it to happen, the last place I expected to lose him at was Wal*Mart. I love Wal*mart with their low prices and freaky shoppers. I now I feel somewhat betrayed By the way they aided in his loss - not enough, though, that this will stop me from continuing my love affair with their crowded isles and dirty bathrooms.

Some people say they are Football widows and Hockey widows - I have even heard the term Golf Widows, But at least those are seasonal events.

Today, at 6:23 PM, I lost my husband to his brand new PlayStation Three.

I already miss him

Labels: Husband, I'm a Dumbass, LOL, Pranks