When your day starts with you having to shout "Aim for the toilet" you Know It's gonna be a good one.

Sigh.

Does it feel later in the week to anyone? Or maybe earlier? Cus it feels Sundayish to me. I feel like I should be doing bullet points or something.

But, uhm. unless you really want a bullet point blowing chunks by blow of how many times the brat puked, I really don't know what to type.

Fuck it. I'm taking the night off. I managed to convince James Blunt to guest host Bluepaintred tonight. And believe me, it wasn't fucking easy. He's a goddamn diva queen. You owe me. All of you, you all fucking owe me.

Labels: I'm a Dumbass

And then on the way home I told him "If Uncle gets stopped by the police you have to say I gots da munchies"

Uh. pee ess and stuff. He had his pupils dilated by the optometrist, not someone's stash.

Labels: I'm a Dumbass, LOL

So today was Saturday the tenth. Not the today that you are reading this on, thats Sunday the eleventh. For me right now? Yea. The tenth.

I got up this morning and spent a looong time choosing clothes for tonight. I put on make up and had my Brother's Girlfriend dye my hair.

Finally I was done.

"Honey" I said, "I'm ready for the radio show now. How do I look?"

The problem? The radio show is your today not my today.

My retardedness aside, check out the hair:

Labels: I'm a Dumbass, Pictures

A Bunch of people were doing this last week. I may be slow, but at least I play the game. Not like some people!

About a year ago, I started a puzzling game called Weffriddles. A YEAR ago. I still get a billion searches for weff each week.

pqo weff
weffriddle spoiler
weffriddle hints
weffridle spoilers
weffriddles answers 49
32 weffriddle cheat
weffriddles lvl 58
weffriddles help
weffriddles level 45 spoiler
weffriddles level 44
weffriddle answers
weffriddles fake level 47
weffriddle solutions
nigh no nigh no nein

And what would Search results be without Pee?

best friends are like peeing your pants
friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can s
me peeing my pants video
true friends are like peeing your pants
friends peeing pants joke
dripper ‚o‚o‚o
friends are like peeing

And in no particular order :

balls spanked - I'm not sure if you mean the soccer or the basket ball, but they are in the back yard. I don't think they are going to care if you spank them.
leaky boob pictures - Well. Interesting. I sure hope you are referring to milk.
i saw his tiny penis - Did you laugh? I would have.
eet my boobs - If you had typed eet my peenis, I would have complied.
the first time i saw a penis - What? Don't leave me in suspense! What happened the first time you saw a penis?!
how to lengthen your penis quickly - Try pulling on it. If that doesn't work, rub it briskly with habanero peppers. This only works if the peppers are fresh.
boob washer - I use soapy hands, but now that I know this is on the market I'm.. wait. . .Is that your tongue?
spanking me ess - Fisrt You want your boobs eeted, now this. You're such a glutton for punishment!
i saw his penis - Who's? Not mine. I have a vagina.
porno lady - You must be referring to someone else. I am a sweet, innocent, lovable girl.
itchy boob - try scratching it. Sometimes it's the simple things that work the best
if you do it again i'm going to give you a spanking - I've been such a naughty girl, haven't I?
pic peni blood - Wait. Wha?
funny penis scene ouch - Although I do not have a penis of my own and am in no way g8considered an expert on penii, if it hurts, it probably is NOT funny.
looks like blue balls - And blue is so not your color. Try Pink.
im a horrible person - Yes. Yes you are. Find a bridge. Jump.
shelli oye - *giggle* I think you are looking for this site
murder october 24 2007 - Should I know something? Am I an accomplice now?
i was drinking cough* - Co -feee. The EE is really important you know.
avitable - Uhm yea. That dude with two girls and a cup, snake fucking? You want right here.
you poked? i prod. - I LOVE the proper use of punctuation
bunny poop - And once more, if you are looking for someone who knows bunnies, you want to go here.
oh hia - Right back atcha!
cursing baby while sleeping - Bad! Bad Parent! You should be drinking while the baby is sleeping. Or working on that meth lab in the back. Is a mess!
it's tough being a kid - No. It;s tough being the one who has to wipe your stinky ass!
tractor channel - Wait, Am I on punked: the Jeff Foxworthy edition?

Labels: I'm a Dumbass, I'm Important Too, LOL

Last night I did not post. (this is the part where you get to choose)

• You see, I was kidnapped by nasty smelly aliens. I was looking forward to the anal probe, but after that it got pretty boring.

• I joined a traveling circus. It was love at fist sight. Me and Johnny the Wonder Hippo are gonna get married as soon as we cross into international waters.

• I was so tired I fell asleep at ten. Not only that but I did not realize until after school today that the handwritten note I sent to school with the PITA had html italics codes for emphasis.

Labels: I'm a Dumbass

I am not a religious person. I fully believe that when I die, My body will rot in a little box and eventually turn to dust. While residing on this side of the dirt, I believe in myself, My friends and my family ~ and thats it.. While I can accept, and even some days envy, that other people believe in a higher being, I do not.

My Husband on the other hand does believe that there is something better waiting out there. He has waited for a long time to get to that place and today, at 6:23 PM he finally got there.

I have known that this day was coming for the past three years. He has talked about it (and talked and talked and talked) and I have suffered through listening to him talk about it. I shared my computer so he could satisfy his curiosity about this wondrous being with the help of Google and Yahoo.

Of all the places for it to happen, the last place I expected to lose him at was Wal*Mart. I love Wal*mart with their low prices and freaky shoppers. I now I feel somewhat betrayed By the way they aided in his loss - not enough, though, that this will stop me from continuing my love affair with their crowded isles and dirty bathrooms.

Some people say they are Football widows and Hockey widows - I have even heard the term Golf Widows, But at least those are seasonal events.

Today, at 6:23 PM, I lost my husband to his brand new PlayStation Three.

I already miss him

Labels: Husband, I'm a Dumbass, LOL, Pranks

I made cupcakes





There is was leftover icing. I might have, accidentally, while engrossed in my bloglines, eaten the rest when I only meant to have a taste.

Labels: I'm a Dumbass, Pictures

I have this friend. I will call her redpaintblue.

But I want to reassure you it is not me, and really. Would I lie to you?

In an case, my friend was telling me that last night after her bath. What? I am so not the only person in Canada who likes bathing! ANYWAY. Quit interrupting. I got She got out of the bath and went to her room to get dressed. But she noticed an ugly red bump on her vaginal area. Yuck. An ingrown hair.

So my friend was feeling lazy, and instead of getting up and getting a pin or a pair of tweezers to remove that pesky hair, she took this cute little pocket exact-o knife from her bedside table - No I didn't ask her why she had an exact-o knife in her bedside table. Just shut up and let me type!

She figured she could just use the pointy sharp end of the blade and nic it out real quick like, but her hand slipped and she cut herself.

The public service announcement bit?

If you do not want to go to the clinic to get two quick stitches on your vagina, please do not use a knife of any kind near it.

If you do? Your seriously fucked up. The doctor WILL laugh at you when you or uhm, your friend, tries to explain.

Labels: I'm a big baby, I'm a Dumbass

Would it be so terrible if I set my kids up for a crime they did not commit? Would I be such a bad mom if I lay awake in bed plotting out the most tiny details of my scheme?

I mean. If the child who were to take the fall was.. oh say, three, there isn't much a parent could do about it, right? and in fact, should I follow through on my nefarious doings, It would make a cute blogging story, provided I brainwashed who ever read this entry.

You see, my problem is simply bad planning. We went shopping last Saturday and one of the items on our list was Halloween Candy.

Little mini bite sizes of deliciousness, sitting in my pantry with not a care in the world.

What we neglected to also purchase was some candy to keep me from The Candy!

I was thinking that I could maybe sneak a few here and there, and just hide the wrappers under the baby's bed. Then, come the thirty first when we set everything up I am sure I would be able to act surprised that it is all gone.

The Husband and I would then embark on an amusing hunt for the culprit and giggle over the audacity of a three year old who is able to sneak The Candy away and hide the evidence from his parents.

Now. About that Brainwashing...

You are getting sleeepy, Very sleeepppyyy

Labels: I'm a Dumbass

And also. I am tired.







blogger is being an asshole. It wont let me load up the rest. I will try again in the morning, but right now? I'm tired.

Labels: I'm a Dumbass, Pictures

As is my custom, I ran headlong for the bathtub the second those little heathens were put to bed. A great bottle of bubble bath tonight, cherry flavored, must have been a good year for it, becuase it made the most delightfully frothy bubbles.

I laid in the bath, water as hot as I can stand, a billion popping bubbles floating near my chin and a book in my hands. Tres relaxing. After about half an hour I started to sweat, which is disgusting, even in a bath, so I soaped up with one hand - my book was getting really really interesting - and pulled the plug.

As the water filtered down the drain I said to myself, I'll just finish the page and then I will get out. Then it was, just to the end of this chapter until finally I came to the end of the book, realized my water was long gone and that I was freezing.

A horrible grinding, popping sound.. kind of like a long wet fart, sounded when I tried to sit up.

I had not realized that while the water was slowly draining away, a freaky suction cup accident was waiting in the wings.

Now that I have a hickey roughly the size of a saucer on the small of my back, I am wondering if I should tell hubs the truth or try and make up a lurid tale about a long trunked elephant and a rabid pack of leeches.

pee ess: pictures - mainly of Smokey, going up ASAP at the photo blawg

Labels: I'm a Dumbass, I'm Important Too

A man somewhere used a crossword to ask his girlfriend to marry him. He had to plan this in advance, arrange with the paper and all that junk, so it obviously took some time and thought to pull this off.

When my husband and I decided to get married it went down like this :

"Well. Should we?"

"Eh. Might as well"

Then he went back to watching his cartoons and I continued to chat on ICQ.

Labels: I'm a Dumbass

*ring*

*Ring*

*RING!*

"Hello blog? Yea, It's me. What the fuck do you mean me who?! It's me, Blue! You been messing round on me with some other blogger or something?...OK, listen, just grab a pen and write this down:"

Dear people who come to this blog for some reason unknown to me, Bluepaintred has a cold and is pretty sure she is at deaths door. She won't stop whining. She can't come into blog tonight becuase she is a big baby. Laugh at her. A lot.

"Blog? You still there? Did you get all that? OK, then read it back to me. . . WTF! That's not what I said! Tell them ..."

*dial tone*

"Blog! Blog!?! Are you there? Mother fucker! I canNOT believe you hung up on me! Screw this shit, I'm goin' to bed!"

Labels: I'm a big baby, I'm a Dumbass, Oh Noes

Boys and girls - Jimmy! Do your pants back up and pay attention. - Now, Boys and girls, today we are going to talk about our body and being healthy.

Yes Sara?... No. We are not going to discuss penile/vaginal relations today... Well thats certainly interesting, but no matter what sally's sister told you, a goldfish never belongs there!

Can we please get back on topic now class?

Jimmy! If you take it out one more time you will have to leave the room.

Our body works in amazing ways to keep us healthy. You see class, Inside your body there is an amazing protection mechanism called the immune system. It is designed to defend you against millions of bacteria, microbes, viruses, toxins and parasites that would love to invade your body.

Now class, my question you is this : Is it possible to get someone else's cold just by reading their blog?

If so. PFfffftttt. You suck. I hope you all catch this!

Class dismissed.

Labels: I'm a big baby, I'm a Dumbass, Oh Noes

I was un-able to access my blogs last night. Kept saying my password was wrong. I figured whatever - a glitch. Or Maybe! Maybe the designer was finally installing the template I ordered in July.

Nope. And to be honest? It's starting to piss me off. A lot. I wanted Where Was I looking it's best when She made her debut and quite frankly, she looks craptastic right now, but I had to open her up! Hell, I had wanted to open her up three freaking weeks ago.

So back to the password issue. Blogger is a known bitch and I just shrugged it off and went to bed. This morning I was unable to access my buddy Trisha's site, it's passworded, and I got mad. What if there were more pictures of our internet angel, Ashlyn??

So I fired off a nasty note to blogger.

Heh. Karma people. Don't diss the Power of Karma.

About three seconds after I pushed the send button I remembered one tiny detail.

I had to take capslock off to write the email.

Blogger passwords are case sensitive.

Sigh.

Labels: I'm a Dumbass, I'm Important Too

A while Back I picked up an iPod Shuffle for the husband, who promptly decided he would rather have one that plays video. We saw a commercial for it on TV and they called it the iPod Nano. So I put in a super high bid for one becuase I'm not all about the bidding wars.

My bid is high enough that you would have to be certifiable to outbid me.

Tonight I found out that the nice folks at eBay are calling the video iPod (surprise!) the iPod Video generation 5.5.

Fucking.Yay.

Here. Everyone else is doing it and I would hate to be left out. This is the town I live in. I don't know why there is a green arrow pointing to the high school. I Live under the big yellow dot. It gets annoying, always wondering if it will fall, constant shade and what not, but it makes it easy for people to find the place. "Just drive toward the big yellow dot, you can't miss it!"

Aha! Here we go.

We don't live in a big house like most of the houses shown during this meme. In fact, we don't live in a house at all. We own one the left half of a six year old duplex. It doesn't have fancy pools or non-naked Avitables', but I love it anyway.

Our house is in the yellow square. Did y'all think I exaggerated how close we lived to the in-laws? They live in that big blue square. It's not electrified, they can come and go as they please.


There. Now you know where I live AND that I am a retard! Aren't you glad you stopped by today?

Labels: I'm a Dumbass, I'm Important Too, Pictures