Eight years ago tonight, ( 1:05Am October 29th) I lazily pushed out the first of my three sons. I say lazily because it was three half-hearted pushes.
I was able to get away with not changing a diaper until he was five days old because I am very good at being busy when work needs to be done. Just ask my dad.
In any case, When I opened his smelly little diaper, wipes at the ready, I saw his penis for the first time and broke out into laughter. It was tiny. Smaller than tiny. I'm serious, it was like a little nub, barely there.
That night, our first night home with the baby, I asked my husband if boy babies always have such teeny tiny penis'...peni...dicks. My husband, engrossed in the tiny fingers of his little heir, distractedly explained that when a boy reaches a certain age, their dad takes them to the Penis Garden to pick out a new and improved, larger sized penis.
I laughed. That got his attention. His face paled and his hands trembled and he begged me never to tell anyone that I knew about the existence of the Penis Garden. Apparently, the Penis Garden is very well kept secret among the testosterone sect.
I promised never to tell (oops) but every summer since then, I have meticulously searched every garden I happen across, on the off chance that I will finally find the fabled Penis Garden.
Saturday Morning I finally found it. I was a bit surprised to see that it was made of ice considering penis'..peni...cocks have such violent reactions to cold.
Pee Ess: It is also Not A Granny's Birthday today. Go wish her a good one
Afterthought- Having slept on the issue at hand I have decided that they must flash freeze the phallus to ensure maximum freshness.