Found At last : The Penis Garden
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Eight years ago tonight, ( 1:05Am October 29th) I lazily pushed out the first of my three sons. I say lazily because it was three half-hearted pushes.
I was able to get away with not changing a diaper until he was five days old because I am very good at being busy when work needs to be done. Just ask my dad.
In any case, When I opened his smelly little diaper, wipes at the ready, I saw his penis for the first time and broke out into laughter. It was tiny. Smaller than tiny. I'm serious, it was like a little nub, barely there.
That night, our first night home with the baby, I asked my husband if boy babies always have such teeny tiny penis'...peni...dicks. My husband, engrossed in the tiny fingers of his little heir, distractedly explained that when a boy reaches a certain age, their dad takes them to the Penis Garden to pick out a new and improved, larger sized penis.
I laughed. That got his attention. His face paled and his hands trembled and he begged me never to tell anyone that I knew about the existence of the Penis Garden. Apparently, the Penis Garden is very well kept secret among the testosterone sect.
I promised never to tell (oops) but every summer since then, I have meticulously searched every garden I happen across, on the off chance that I will finally find the fabled Penis Garden.
Saturday Morning I finally found it. I was a bit surprised to see that it was made of ice considering penis'..peni...cocks have such violent reactions to cold.
Pee Ess: It is also Not A Granny's Birthday today. Go wish her a good one
Afterthought- Having slept on the issue at hand I have decided that they must flash freeze the phallus to ensure maximum freshness.
Labels: I'm Important Too, information, Pictures, Rainbow Man
posted by Bluepaintred @ 10:25:00 PM
28 Comments:
Well, now it all makes sense!
Robin : I'm going to see if I can;t find the smaller ass section of the garden for myself now.
it takes a lot of love and care to grow those babies... I hope you have a deeper respect for what we have to go through now to make ya happy
WOW. What the hell are those really? Hail? Spray from your neighbors broken tap?
Tenacious B - And I suppose a lot of hand polishing happens too? Maybe some chrome plating?
Shelli you got it in two, thats a macro I did of their grass
I am coming to Canada to frolic naked in the garden....Oh my! I hope I don't fall!
Metal Mom Uhm let me state this disclaimer : Objects in pictures may appear larger when zoomed. and stuff
Just sayin
Ew! That's creepy!
You didn't see his penis till 5 days later? OMG, when I had my son I made them pull the blanket back to see his fingers and toes and penis. I wanted to make sure everything was there in the proper number.
Well, after that I never want to hear a man say 'frigid bitch' again!
NOT that I have...to me anyway. ;-)
Tug In high school we had a friend who's bf used a grape Popsicle on her and she ended up in the ER.
Annie I wasn't a typical first time mom. He scared me. He was so small and helpless. I didn't take up his daily care until he was 3 months old. We were living with my in laws and one day she decided that I needed to be the mom so they left to the US for three months. After that I was good to go, but I am pretty lazy, and when she was there and willing to care for him, I was good with that.
So, I assume the ice is to preserve the penis?
Damn it! No one ever told me about the penis garden!!!
You are a flippin' riot!!
OMFG. That photograph is HIGH-larious!
I guess all the small penis guys got there late after all the big ones were taken. Lazy shits. LMAO
Now I understand what happened to my ex husband. The Penis Garden had melted!
That's a great story! Where did that photo come from?
LOL! Great picture, great story :)
Greets Julia
LMAO....
That picture is so friggin funny!!
So the legends are true...
Happy birthday rainbowman love you
Auntie kiss
Wow... I like that sorta bumpy one. Can they trade up if they decide they don't like the model they have now?
LOL this was too funny!!!
Prince Charming says that the reason for the secrecy is so that women don't take over the garden making men obsolete.
HAHAHA! That's HILARIOUS! But kinda scary in a way....
Hey - I live in Canada. Where is this fantastical place? I'd like to do some shopping.
Is there a limit on the number of times a guy can visit the penis garden? Do they make exchanges? Just asking. No reason.
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