Corn Porn

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Last night we got to bed on time. [Insert clapping] We always try to get to bed by midnight, and always its 12:30 or 1 am before we finally close our eyes. And that's not even counting taking time out for the Marital Mambo!

So last night it was 11:56 and I was in bed, eyes shut, lights off. [Give the lady a gold star!] I heard this weird noise. I guess The Husband heard it too because after a few moments he asked; "Is that the snakes?"

We got up to check.

Our Snakes are lesbians.

I should have caught it on film. I will next time. But this time, we were too shocked to do anything but watch their frisky and somewhat kinky antics.

It would have been arousing, if I wasn't so tired to begin with!

After several tense minutes spent frantically googling "Snake Sexing" to make sure they were both girls* and that we weren't about to become herper-grandparents at such a young age, we went back to bed.

We thought the girls had finished, turns out, they were just waiting for us to turn the lights back out.

Laying in the dark, listening to the rasp of their tightly coiled bodies roiling over a recently shed snakeskin, listening as they lifted the rocks in the tank up and over, sighing as they dumped over their water dish (again - this is their favorite past-time), we began to talk.

I sure hope they are lesbians. We don't need any more babies!

Yea, he replied softly in he darkness.

I wonder if all snakes do that biting thing? I whisper, trying not to distract the coiling lovers on the dresser.

Maybe they're just kinky. I could hear him smiling as he said this

Desperate you mean? If they are both girls and they want some lovin, they aren't getting very much satisfaction just bumpin' uglies, are they? We should get them a stripper pole or something... I am still whispering

We both giggle.

The idea of handcuffs was considered and then discarded - to use them, they would have be lizards. We discussed various buzzing devices one might have around the home, but wondered if the vibrations would hurt them like it does a fish when you tap on the glass.

We eventually settled on a Sex Swing

In any event, we have do something to make sure they know we are OK with their lifestyle choice, right?

The husband lay silent. Then He says; "Oh well, I guess in a few weeks, we'll know if we should be ordering Rainbow Stickers or a box of cigars!"



* Did you know snakes have a Y shaped Penis? Way cool


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29 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yah I'm first, I'm first, I'm first. Thought I'd gloat since I've been making easter treats for 2 classes for the last 2 hours.
I'd go with a vibrating bed type device, they may get more enjoyment.

RoxDar

11:11 PM, April 03, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

RoxDar Think so? what color though? And what kinda snacks you makin? did you make nuff to share with everyone (like duh, thats a hint : ME)

11:59 PM, April 03, 2007  
Blogger Sheila said...

You have to take pictures if you get your snakes a sex swing... I think you'd be able to make some money off of the photos!

12:20 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

My penis is shaped like a penis, only smaller.

3:55 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Avitable said...

"Laying in the dark, listening to the rasp of their tightly coiled bodies roiling over the a recently shed snakeskin..."

Now that's a visual!

5:52 AM, April 04, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hot pink if their lesbians!!! Cuz they haven't any hands, so a bed would be best. I made my bird nests again this year, with mini eggs and yellow and purple peeps (those marshmallow chicks). They had the real chicks at school, so I thought the kids would enjoy them.

RoxDar

6:57 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

I envy your snakes.

7:33 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Lynda said...

Maybe they didn't know what they were doing. Was any alcohol involved?

7:59 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Monkee said...

Now it's my turn to complain that you're going to give me nightmares! A swinging, tumbling, girl-on-girl, scaly, slithery, reptilian, snake orgy? I think I'm going to need therapy after this. =)

8:37 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Amy said...

Oooo, you're a naughty little snake! *insert dirty laugh*

Too funny!

9:37 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Tug said...

I'm with monkee. SNAKESEX? I'M not getting any, but SNAKES are?

kill me.

now.

10:23 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

I hope they're lesbians. I just watched Snakes on a Plane last night and I'd hate for that shit to happen to you!!

10:26 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Sheila good plan, maybe I can set up a dollar a minute peep hole too!

Mr.Fab always with the unwanted information, huh? I think secretly you have a world record penis but dont want the atention so you tie it around your thigh and tell everyone its tiny

Avitable Ig you search snake sex on you tube, there are a bunch of videos up. nit mine, but there is a funny one with black rat snakes

Rox Dar yummeh! cept I dont like peeps!

10:29 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Curiosity Killer you want lesbian sex?

Lynda to my knowledge, no alchohol. There was a water dish and some poop involved though

Monkee hey at least it wasnt a 26 foot long snake covered in septic tank poo...

amy What gets me is that their sexual escapades last longer then mine!

10:32 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Web Miz In reality its really difficilt to hatch reptile eggs, the temps and humidity have to be spot on. so even if they did lay eggs (5-35!!) it would be quite easy to ... not hatch them.

and also, snakes on a plane was a great movie. plus wee baby snakes, although they are quick to bite, it doesnt hurt. what would hurt is the food bill for 35 freaking snakes!


Tug uhm. have YOU tried a hot pink vibrator?

10:35 AM, April 04, 2007  
Anonymous squirrel said...

I don't know how you can have snakes in the house at all straight or otherwise! They really scare me! And the thought of them having babies is like a nightmare! **shiver**

11:11 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Squirrel snakes are not scary. well poisonous ones are, but the non poisonous are nice. they like to hug a lot, jsut make sure they donthug your neck and you will be fine!

11:27 AM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Violet said...

Nice. I love the part that it would have been somewhat arousing, but you were both too tired to be turned on my your lesbo snakes gettin' it on... Beautiful!

12:21 PM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Violet see next time. think there will be a next time? anyway next time i will tape it and we can reveiw it at our leisure LMAO

12:30 PM, April 04, 2007  
Anonymous bice said...

I love watching a little girl on girl action, even if it is snakes. I'm such a horn dog. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

2:00 PM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger TorAa said...

This is immense. Why did i not learn to tame snakes before the house wasstucked with kids- hehehe. I'll ask for the v-shape next time. But will it help?

Great blog

5:46 PM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Bice gahd! you are a kinky one arent you!

toraa lol at asking for the v shape! thanks for stopping by!

6:11 PM, April 04, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how exactly do I get Egg Coloring Dye from under my fingernails???
Anyone Anyone??
RoxDar

6:21 PM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

RoxDar simple. Cover it up by putting a darker nail polish on!

6:51 PM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

I can't imagine having snakes in the house, let alone in my bedroom - ewwww!

6:58 PM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Tug said...

vibrators - hot pink or not - are not QUITE the same as sex. **sigh**

And Fantastagirl? I want a snake in the bedroom...just not the reptillian variety. ;-)

7:20 PM, April 04, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny...funny. What if when Big D comes home he thinks there's a snake in the bed...should I use Hot Pink??

RoxDar

7:32 PM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Fantastagirl but its the only place we have room for them. i wish we could find someone to buy them. I wannna get a tv for the bedroom. one we can watch porn on. Human porn not reptile

Tug so why dont you date? do you? maybe mr fab could step in and provide so- eh, nevermind, he said he has a teeny one.

RoxDar I would suggest that you make SURE that there are no snakes in the bed when Big D gets back from his trip.

7:41 PM, April 04, 2007  
Blogger DeeJay said...

omg

7:57 AM, April 05, 2007  

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