A Day At The Fair

Friday, April 27, 2007

I love being first. First Rules!!
What do you like to be first in...


If I had the chance to pick something that I would always, not matter what, be first for, I would pick first in line for the toilet.

Case in point:

What a way to spend a Saturday afternoon. It's way too hot, it's crowded, and what on earth is that smell? The carnival was in town and I was waiting, non to patiently, to use one of the six million port-a-potties.

A strange man in front of me turned. He was covered in hair. It was disgusting. Like a black angora sweater - the only reason I knew it was not a sweater, is that no one is dumb enough to wear a sweater in this heat! Plus, the bacon cheese burger tangled up in the vicinity of where I assume his right nipple would be, was a dead give away!

Big foot was my best friend you know. The abominable snowman ate him for lunch one day. That sucked. Said the freakishly hairy man.

Huh? Maybe the heat was getting to him...

Oh hi. My name is Bill. Are you waiting for the fat woman to sing too?

What next I thought, now on top of everything else I have this crazy guy bugging me. Gimme a fricken break!

I think your cheese is rotten, he said.

In my most authoritative tone, I replied; Look mister, I don't have any cheese, I don't know you, I don't want to know you and I really wish you'd leave me alone! I'm hot, I'm tired, and I don't need this!

There. That should stop him!

Woah! Take an ice cube lady! I'm just trying to make conversation!


And what exactly would you have me do with this ice cube? Shove it up your fat, hairy ass?

OK, OK, it's time to calm down, soothed Bill, you know, there are doctors who treat this kind of thing. The could prescribe something for that there temper of yours. You should seek help as soon as possible, because I really hate elephants!

ME! I screamed I should seek help? You're the one talking about big feet and melting snowmen and invisible fucking cheese!!

What.the.hell? He stuttered; I'm not the one who started talking about flat-footed ballet dancers and blow-up dolls, am I? Nope. I'm afraid, little missy, YOU are the crazy one here! So whats your name?

Huh? Maybe the heat was getting to me...

What part of 'whats your name didn't you understand?'

Why on earth should I talk to you, much less tell you my name? For All I know you're a serial killer who walks around asking people their name before chopping them to bits with a rusty butchers knife because the look like your dead dog FouFou!

So what if I peed my pants on the way home? At least I got away from the bacon cheese burger freaktard!

Pee Ess: Go back and read the disclaimer

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Blogger Sheila said...


First again!

Who's yo daddy?

9:52 PM, April 27, 2007  
Blogger Sheila said...

"Plus, the bacon cheese burger tangled up in the vicinity of where I assume his right nipple would be, was a dead give away!"

Uhm, btw, this was a little too much for me... ew!

9:56 PM, April 27, 2007  
Blogger Shelli said...

Crazy! You are crazy. But I loves you that way and you tell a great story even if it doesn't really make any sense. lol

Can you tell me why it is 11:40 my time, 10:36 or 10:44 your time and my daughter, who went to her boyfriend's house, is not home yet? I want to go to sleep. I can't sleep when my little girl isn't home yet.

10:42 PM, April 27, 2007  
Blogger Avitable said...


I would like some of your drugs please because they are clearly very fun.

10:43 PM, April 27, 2007  
Blogger Catch said...

Blue have you been in the shrooms again?

10:46 PM, April 27, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Everyone so far listen. I feel That ,besides the swears and the bacon cheeseburger line, I should explain that I wrote this for school. When I was 14. I cut out a bit - stopped half way through. None of you wanted to hear about elephants pool parties and weiner dogs anyway.

I am not now, nor have I ever been on drugs.

Well, I had tylenol threes when I had my surgeries, but no illegal drugs. And an epidural four times...

Nor do I drink.

Sorry if this was strange, but whatever, get out your big girl panties - avi; I recommend a larger size thong, - and lets all deal with it.

Shelli What time was her curfew? Does she have a cell phone?

12:07 AM, April 28, 2007  
Blogger Shelli said...

She didn't really have one. She had a cell and we texted her before Jason went to sleep and told her not to be out too late. Boyfriend's dad brought her home at 12:01. So that's okay. They were watching movies and eating pizza. With the parents and siblings. phew.

6:43 AM, April 28, 2007  
Blogger Avitable said...


(just send me one baggie, okay?)

10:32 AM, April 28, 2007  
Blogger Marilyn said...

Wow. That was scary.

10:48 AM, April 28, 2007  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

I hate talking to bigfoot. There is always the smell. Hey did you take pictured of bigfoot?

It had to be bigfoot, I think I met him before on a beach in Maryland.

12:33 PM, April 28, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Shelli ok then. but i have to say, my kids are not dating until they are thirty - at least!

Avitable pfft. I can send you some advil?

Marilyn won't ever look at a bacon cheeseburer the same way, will ya?

Ole Blue nope. No pictures. I was afraid it would break the camera!

5:25 PM, April 28, 2007  
Blogger Sheila said...

did I not get the memo about you taking a day off? Where are you? Who authorized this!?

1:16 AM, April 29, 2007  
Anonymous Linky Love said...

Hi blue, 2 weeks ago you said you were going to add a reciprocal link. Now I see you have been busy :-) still interested? Thanks!

6:18 AM, April 29, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Sheila You didnt get it? check under the couch. it might have fallen

LinkyLadyPerson Two weeks ago when you made this same coment i told you that you were linked. Sigh.

10:55 AM, April 29, 2007  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

the tangled bacon cheeseburger line made me throw up in my mouth a little bit...lol!!

11:06 AM, April 29, 2007  
Blogger annie said...

Uh-oh. I think that was my husband...

12:02 PM, April 29, 2007  
Blogger Diesel said...

So that happened to you too, huh?

9:47 PM, April 29, 2007  
Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

Do you perhaps need ...

... anger management?

9:53 PM, April 29, 2007  
Anonymous Linky Love said...

Why is it that when people ask something, they get scolded on their blog for it? What happened to the good old "there are no silly questions?".

Yes I asked twice. Why? The links on your blogroll are in javascript, therefor not read, not spidered by the search engines.

That's why I ask if you want to do a normal old fashion reciprocal ULR link exchange?

Thanks :-)

9:55 PM, April 29, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I like to pee my pants.

4:21 AM, April 30, 2007  
Blogger Lynda said...

Ewwww! You know, you really should see someone for that memory loss.

I clearly remember about the flat footed ballerinas when that crazy guy was talking to you.

2:39 PM, April 30, 2007  

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