An Inbox Post

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with three kids who don't fight and two pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the neoghbours' dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the floor.

15 Comments:

Blogger Bluepaintred said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:44 PM, December 13, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

red crayon...how cute...lol..it must have taken alot of time to think up this post..lol..it is very true even tho i do not have more than one child...lol

spongebobber

2:48 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

uh yea about that part where yousaid think up this post, this is frim my INBOX. my email. i didnt write it, but i did copy and paste it and switch the daughter part to son.lol. just so you know

xo

2:51 PM, December 13, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're so crafty, Blue. All that cutting and pasting.

2:58 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Blogarita Dont worry i used safty sizzors. yes i know its spelt wrong i tried siccors, sissors, sicsorrs, nothing looks right. at least this way it is phonetic and you know what I am trying to say . PFFFFT

3:03 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

Um, Blue...it's scissors. heehee. This was a funny post! I wish I could get a new waist too! I really did lose that during my pregnancy with the Beast, and it doesn't look as if it's coming back anytime soon.

3:31 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I think you are asking a lot out of Santa.

There will be nothing left for the rest of us...

5:36 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

FlipFlopMamaOhh, thank you. I KNEW there was a c in tehre somewhere LOL

Mr.Fab HEY! get your own santa, this one is mine :o)

6:18 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger Catch said...

This is so cute Blue, and may you get everything you ask for....along with a new ballpoint ink pen for when you want to write something...lol

6:47 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Catch personally, when i want to write in crayon, and I often have to jot phone numbers and things onthe calendar in crayon, i like to use a dark blue, But you know, a crayon is a crayon LOL

6:50 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

I want all that and more...

7:56 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Fantastagirl Im not sharing! you cant make me share! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!

8:19 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger Lori said...

I thought ketchup was a vegetable.

8:41 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Lori You are thinking of Chocolate...Chocolate is a veggi cus its made from the coaco Bean

9:24 PM, December 13, 2006  
Blogger Shelli said...

I love this. I want all that, too. Even though my kids are older now, sometimes that granddaughter wears me out.

10:07 AM, December 15, 2006  

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