Hoover Damn

Friday, August 31, 2007

With all of the dental work I have been getting done, as well as the dates for upcoming work (ACK! three teeth- September seventh) (Or was it the Sixth?) I have had a nagging worry sitting at the back of my tonsils mind. Lately it has taken to jabbing me with a pointed stick every time The Husband and I Undress for bed.

Can you give a blow job when you have dentures? Anyone? You in the last row? Sigh.

As it is right now, I cannot do anything Hoover-ish with my mouth. Big gaping hole, exposed bone, that kind of shit. And before that heals I will have a matching hole (hopefully with no bone) on the right.

Looking at the calendar I assume that it is going to be February/March before I can open up the oral amusement park. And then there is the fact that the idea of giving some tubular loving to the Husband without teeth makes my stomach quiver with distaste. I get the immediate picture of a little old gray hair'd lady (Hi Granny) on her knees. (Not that My Granny would know anything about BJ's)(In fact, I'm pretty sure she is still a virgin)

I need some honesty from the male blogging sect.

Given the choice between having false teeth fly out at an inopportune moment and having your sausage gummed to death, what would you choose?

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13 Comments:

Blogger Sheila said...

uhm... I'm still ignoring this post. I'll just wait for the next one.

1:11 PM, August 31, 2007  
Blogger mixednut said...

Personally, I would prefer the gums. I could see this as being an advantage.

1:13 PM, August 31, 2007  
Blogger Fantastagirl said...

hmmm I've got nothing.

1:31 PM, August 31, 2007  
Blogger Finn said...

I was thinking the gums could be good too. I'm curious to hear a guy's point of view.

2:07 PM, August 31, 2007  
Blogger chlorinejenny said...

I just had to read the comments on this post! Oh, my God! What a topic!

4:15 PM, August 31, 2007  
Blogger Not a Granny said...

Umm...since you are referring to a Granny and not your Granny, I really hope you are not referring to me?!? For one thing, I am not little and I pay a helluva lot of money to make sure I am not gray.

But on to topic...I wonder why Mr. Avitable or the ever wonderful Mr. Fab have not commented? This is right up their alley!

4:18 PM, August 31, 2007  
Blogger Avitable said...

Um.

I think I'd rather have the teeth fly out.

The gums might seem a little too much like a grandmother.

Either way, it kinda scares me.

5:44 PM, August 31, 2007  
Blogger Shelli said...

Best. Post. Title. EVAH!

6:31 PM, August 31, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I HAVE to remain anonymous.

Here's the thing, a blow job will yank those babies right out while in the midst of giving a blow job.

And for the guy, it hurts like hell.

For the girl, embarrassing.

Hubby said he likes it better without the teeth. He's not looking down at me anyways because his eyes are always rolled back into his head. If you get my drift. So there's no grandmother effect happening at all.

Not only that, but with them in, a girl can't feel anything. And isn't that half the fun?

TMI? Well, you asked!

7:04 PM, August 31, 2007  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

Sheila Sigh

Mixednut I've heard that too..
I 've also heard that if its hot, wet and sucks, thats all that matters to a guy.

Fantastagirl Go ask the Mr. What he thinks

Finn Meeee TOO!

Chlorine Jenny But, It's a question I need an answer too!

Not A Granny Nono, read it again, i meant my granny, but that she is innocent of all sexual knowledge.

Avitable Good to know. But even if it scares you I am three.. maybe four appointments from that point

Shelli Oh thank goodness! I was worried no one would get it!

Annon whoever you are thank you finally an answer I am looking for! I was wondering if the suction would remove them! thanks so much!

9:46 PM, August 31, 2007  
Anonymous metalmom said...

OH.MY.GOD!!!! Hub says the idea of a 'gummer' is kinda hot. Good! I always wondered if things would change when we got old!

7:50 AM, September 01, 2007  
Blogger TPFKAMA said...

the spousal unit says getting chomped w/teeth sucks and that the thought of no teeth is intriguing.

my gf who has full top dentures says she's never had a problem w/the dentures in.

9:11 AM, September 01, 2007  
Anonymous Angry said...

This is a little delicate so I’ll be careful.
It is okay to remove the ‘teeth’, and you’ll find that most men will be very grateful that you did. I mean, to them, it will feel like the other very sought after orifice but with subtle differences, and it’s the lack of teeth that goes a long way towards enhancing that notion.
The question really is, “What to do with the fake pearly whites whilst doing the vacuuming?” if you get my meaning. They need to be placed within easy access so that they can be whipped back in to avoid that ‘top lip gathering together with wrinkles’ look.
They could sit on the side table and go dry but you risk catching that free flapping top lip under the top denture and that’s not a good look for just after a decent bit of tube loving. They could sit in a glass of water but one needs to be careful not to grab the item out of the wrong glass and end up putting hubby’s glass eye into your mouth and swallowing it, another mood killer. Speaking of mood killers. Hubby glancing over and seeing the disembodied smile that he knows and loves so well just sitting there on the side table is way too surreal. So what to do?

So the answer is simple. Take the teeth out of your mouth and place them at the mouth of the aforementioned other orifice. Applying a slight clenching of your thighs and pelvic floor muscles will ensure that they stay put until needed. The only watch point is this; be very quick to remove them if hubby suddenly decides to relocate all operations to this ‘other’ orifice on short notice, because if he gets there first it will leave a terrible scaring, both physically and mentally for many years to come.
But hey, what’s good sex without a little risk.

9:40 AM, September 01, 2007  

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