Now, I Don't Have A Daughter, But....

Sunday, June 11, 2006

PPLICATION FOR PERMISSION
TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


NOTE: THIS APPLICATION WILL BE INCOMPLETE AND REJECTED UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY A COMPLETE FINANCIAL STATEMENT, WORK HISTORY, LINEAGE, AND CURRENT MEDICAL REPORT FROM YOUR DOCTOR.

1. NAME_________________________________

DATE OF BIRTH___/___/___


2.HEIGHT__________________WEIGHT___________IQ______GPA_______

3. SOCIAL SECURITY#______________DRIVERS LIC#_______________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK___________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS______________CITY/STATE_______________ZIP_______

6. DO YOU HAVE ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE PARENT?_______________
IF NO, PLEASE EXPLAIN___________________________________

7. NUMBER OF YEARS PARENTS MARRIED?____________________

8. DO YOU OWN A VAN?________________MOTORCYCLE?______________
TRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES?___________WATERBED?____________
DO YOU HAVE AN EARRING?____NOSE RING?____BELLY BUTTON RING__

9. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEANS TO YOU?__________________________________________________

10. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU?________________________________________________________

11. IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU?__________________________________________

12. CHURCH YOU ATTEND?________________________

13. WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR FATHER?_________MOTHER?___________PRIEST?__________

14. ANSWER BY FILLING IN THE BLANK. PLEASE ANSWER FREELY, ALL ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL (THAT MEANS I WON'T TELL ANYONE)
A. IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE ON MY BODY I WOULD WANT WOUNDED IS THE ________________
B. IF I WERE BEATEN, THE LAST PLACE I WOULD WANT BROKEN IS MY _____________
C. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE ______________
D.. THE ONE THING I HOPE THIS APPLICATION DOESN'T ASK IS _________
E. WHEN I FIRST MEET A GIRL, THE THING I NOTICE FIRST IS HER ________
(NOTE: IF THE ANSWERS STARTS WITH A T OR AN A, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES, KEEPING LOW AND RUNNING IN A SERPENTINE FASHION IS ADVISED.)

15. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL OF THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICA AN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________
SIGNATURE (THAT MEANS YOU SIGN YOUR NAME)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. PLEASE ALLOW FOUR TO SIX YEARS FOR PROCESSING. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED IN WRITING IF YOU ARE APPROVED. PLEASE DO NOT CALL OR WRITE (AS IT WILL CAUSE YOU INJURY)

13 Comments:

Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Hmm...seems like a lot of trouble to me...

4:34 AM, June 12, 2006  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

I'm not so sure about the necessity of having one male and one female parent, but the rest of it is funny!

10:41 AM, June 12, 2006  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

fab- i for sure wont be helping MY sons fill in the blanks when they grow up!

Webmiz: hmm I kind of agree, but seriously, whatever the gender, i think good looks should be required Id hate to have to have dinner with a couple of ugly people!

12:42 PM, June 12, 2006  
Blogger Catch said...

I have a daughter....I could just see a guy filling this out! LOL

12:56 PM, June 12, 2006  
Blogger ablondeblogger said...

ROFL! I LOVE this. My daughter is all pissed at us right now because we won't let her have dinner with a guy that we don't know. She says it makes her look "weird." UGH!!

I forwarded this to my husband.

2:47 PM, June 12, 2006  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

oh man dawn, stick to your guns or better yet tell her she is free to have dinner with him ~ at your house

sh could showcase what a good cook she is and let you guys meet him!

2:51 PM, June 12, 2006  
Blogger Lori said...

Can I use this for my son when het gets to the dating stuff?

3:07 PM, June 12, 2006  
Blogger Cagalli said...

Hey my dad would love this hey Jessi

1:07 AM, June 13, 2006  
Anonymous Ashley said...

I have THREE daughters and I totally understand the impulse to have any boy who dares to look twice fill out a similar form. Better yet, I am just going to let them know that I own a 20 gage shoot gun...and this Momma knows how to use it!

Thanks for visiting my site!

6:30 AM, June 13, 2006  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

i also like the shotgun idea better then the forms to fill idea!

8:47 AM, June 13, 2006  
Blogger ablondeblogger said...

Blue, if we did that, we'd be feeding a new boy each week. Seriously. I worry about her and her boy craziness.

"Why don't the guys that I like like me back?" she says, after dumping dozens of guys that she liked as soon as they liked her back.

UGH!!!

1:34 PM, June 13, 2006  
Blogger Looney Mom said...

That's GREAT! I have THREE daughters. My hubby would definitely be interested in this one... mind if we print it?!?! I'll hand them out while he clutches his rifle! HEE HEE!

And I'm glad you liked that "wedding gift" description for my kids... I HATE the word "step-kids"... what does that mean anyway? Who came up with that?

Thanks for coming by and leaving me a note or two. Come by anytime!

8:10 PM, June 13, 2006  
Blogger green libertarian said...

I am SO fucked. My one and only child, my 14 year old daughter starts HS next year. Up until now, she's been perfect. No trouble, straight A's, hardly ever sasses. Worm is gonna turn, I just KNOW it. It's been WAY too easy so far. I don't mind if she breaks a few hearts, no doubt that's gonna happen, I just hope one of 'em ain't MINE!

9:42 PM, June 14, 2006  

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