What kind of SOAP is in your bathtub right now? Wow. Getting kind of personal and it's only the first question! The means I use to clean my insertable amusement park is really none of your business!
Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator? Uhm. No. Should I? Watermelons are very, very big. And messy. Oh and they are also a summer food. DUH.
What would you change about your living room? I would either put up a mirrored ceiling or move the cable jack to a different wall.
Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty? Clean. Thank God you didn't ask about the ones in the sink.
What is in your fridge? Defrosting rats, Penicillin, you know, all the normal fridge type things.
White or wheat bread? Gold bars. I would have also accepted chocolate chips.
What is on top of your refrigerator? Air. Dusty air.
What color or design is on your shower curtain? Glass. What's with all the questions about me being wet and naked? You some kinda stalker?
How many plants are in your home? Other than the penicillian in the fridge? None. Plants are for people who care.
Is your bed made right now? Heh. You're trying to picture me in it aren't you? FYI. My socks don't match and I have no panties on. Did that help?
Comet or Soft Scrub? Chocolate chips, but I would have also accepted Gold Bars.
Is your closet organized? I have closets? Great. Nine AM and I am already at my limit of learnable knowledge for the day. I hope you're happy now. *shakes head*
Can you describe your flashlight? Uhm. It's kinda yellowish,three X three inches wide/tall, made of wax, it has a string thingy. Often dusty.
Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home? Porcelain. I find the water is cooler that way. And I love pushing down that little handle!
Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now? Is the concept of Winter that hard for you? When it is cold outside, you drink coffee, when it is hot outside, you drink coffee. Gawd. It's not that hard. Maybe you should write that down?
If you have a garage, is it cluttered? Are you offering to clean it out? If so, will you blow out the water lines at the same time too?
Curtains or blinds? Neither. I feel better when I know people are watching.
How many pillows do you sleep with? Four. Two regular sized super plushysoft, one body pillow, and some dudes shoulder. Dunno who he is, It's always dark when I use him.
Do you sleep with any lights on at night? DARK. As in the absence of light. Effin morons..
How often do you vacuum? lets see, there are 365 days in a year, so thats like 51, no, 52 weeks, divide by eighteen is eleven, no 2, add the number of rooms that have carpet and NONE ya dipshit. Vacuums are for carpets and I shave!
Standard toothbrush or electric? The sleek, engineer designed, aerodynamic turbo seven hundred, eight thousand RPM, operates with nineteen Dcell batteries.
What color is your toothbrush? I don't have a toothbrush.
Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch? No. And that means YOU.
What is in your oven right now? If there is anyfuckingthing in my oven, My doctor is going to have a LOT of explaining to do!
Is there anything under your bed? yes. A floor, then a basement, then some dirt. Or maybe rocks. If you keep going under, eventually you will hit lava, so that's pretty cool, right?
Chore you hate doing the most? All of the above. Are you taking notes yet?
What retro items are in your home? Are you calling me old? Fuck you. Get out of here. I can handle you ignoring then not welcome mat, but name calling is just not needed!
Do you have a separate room that you use as an office? Who in their right mind would bring work HOME? I wouldn't. Plus having a job would suck ass, and I am definitely not into ass sucking. Wait. Is there chocolate in the home office? Can I change my answer?
How many mirrors are in your home? Mirrors are just another way for the government to watch you while you bathe. We have six hundred and ninety seven.
Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home? In Canada we use rocks as currency. Rocks belong outside or in your pants.
What color are your walls? We tore out the walls to make room for the mirrors.
Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home? Does a broadsword count? We mostly use it for kinky things, but it is darn sharp..
What does your home smell like right now? I have a cold.
Favorite candle scent? There is nothing like sitting in a warm fuzzy blanket, a hot cup of coffee in one hand and a good book in the other, enjoying the aroma of boiling cat urine.
What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now? Why are you so certain I am Pregnant? Seriously? It's just a little water weight, I swear!
What color is your favorite Bible? The bibles in our house are very shy. I've never actually seen one, though I hear they come out at night to forage for food. If I ever manage to see one of those elusive little suckers, I will make a point to note the color!
Ever been on your roof? As in HOHOHO you fat sob? Well guess who's been blowing Claus all year long- and tonight I am making sure you go down on the naughty list for calling me fat. AGAIN!
Do you own a stereo? If I had a stereo, would I be sitting here typing to you? I thought not!
How many TVs do you have? Closed circuit or other?
How many house phones? Two and three quarters, but you can blame the cat for that one!
Do you have a housekeeper? Yes. Her name is Mrs. Smo
kpey, and she only does floors. I'm not sure I like her choice of scrubbing agent (it smells vaguely like urine) but who am I to question, as long as she does the job well.
What style do you decorate in? I like long walks on the beach, cuddling in the moonlight and de-striping zebras.
Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints? I prefer the cardboard variety.
Is there a smoke detector in your home? Yes. The kids think it is a dinner bell becuase it goes off ever night when I Open the oven to take out dinner.