Shudder/Sob/Smile

Sunday, April 23, 2006

So today Blake turned four, and what a wonderful and scary four years it has been! from the oment i went into labour i knew this baby was going to be a challenge! LOL it started with me wanting to go to the hospital to HAVE him and his daddy saying " is it really that important" when i called him at work to tell him the age old " its time"
now now, he asked that because he didnt want to worry me, see he had been hurt at work and was notified in the waiting room of the hospital that i was in labour and he wanted to know if he had to come get me and then get his stitches or get the stitches and then come get me... i thought he was playing cards and wanted to finish his game LOL.
Blake is a wonderful boy. he takes apart the pipes under my bathroom, but he can also put them back together. i cannot tell you how many times i have gone to sit on a chair only to have it fall apart because " someone" has taken all the screws out.

When blake was 18 months i had to watch him arms outstreached screaming as the doctors took him from me for his first surgery. just 9 more days untill we go back to see his surgeon. I am really pushing for them to do the operation one last time , fix it so i can forget about it ya know. i cant believe how big he is, now i have to make appointments for his 4-6 year old vaccinations and set up the speech therepy ( he was toung tied very badly at birth and they fixed it while he was under anesthetic for his operation ~ but because he was so old, he learned to say the words wrong, and we have to re train him to say them right)


I am so sad right now, i know i should not be, but i cant stand it, he is growing up too fast, ~ they all are~ parker is going to be seven soon. I still remember them as babies, hos soft their skin was , how sweey ~ or sour~ they smelled. I can still feel the frustration welling up when i think of the way they cried as newborns. I can hearBlakes tiny voice echoing in my head saying " I lull uuh" feel the sticky kisses on my face , and his arms tight round my neck in a hug. I worry now , that when it is time for them to actually leave home, to get married and make me some grandbabies to play with... am i going to go insane? what will i do without fights and tears and hugs everyday?


for that matter what am i supposed to do in 15 months when Blake is enrolled in kindergarten?

it was so hard to send parker away to school. i was so used to being with him, knowing everything he knew, he didnt experiance anything unless i was there too, then he started coming home from school, telling me about a day he had that i hadnt shared and it broke my heart again. and soon blake will be doing it too... and then logan...

maybe i should just start collecting piles of newspapers and collecting stray cats now... why wait till they are in school or move out to go crazy?...


i dont understand where this sadness is coming from tho, really i should be happy, Blakes birthday was perfect. sure an unnamed uncle was really egging the boys on, making them noisy and hyper, but they are boys and it was a party i expect that .....sorta. the cake was good the people and gifts were awesome, and yet ... i feel like crying


this is long and rambly and kind of depressing, im signing off now but i will keep trying to get the shark vidio up and running ....


later vader

2 Comments:

Blogger Webmiztris said...

awww! well, you can always pop out a few more! lol

3:04 PM, April 24, 2006  
Blogger Bluepaintred said...

ha! got my tubes tied four hours after i "popped" the last one out! three boys is more then enough! i had an appointment to get my tubes tied before Logan was born infact... thats how we found out about Logan LOL
( just for good measure, hubby got his done too!)

3:07 PM, April 24, 2006  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home